In April Month in Review, we take a powerful look back at the conversations that shaped this month’s episodes. In Episode 306, Don’t Stay Stuck on What Sucks, we explore how negativity bias keeps us trapped in harmful mindsets and share practical strategies for shifting focus toward growth and healing. Episode 307, Medication Management with Carrie Hill, brings a compassionate perspective on psychiatric medication, addressing fears, debunking myths, and empowering listeners to take charge of their mental health journey. Finally, Episode 308, Is a One-Night Stand Worth It?, examines the motivations, insecurities, and societal perceptions surrounding casual sex, asking the deeper question: what does sex really mean to you? Candid, insightful, and deeply human in this month’s conversations invite you to move forward with clarity and courage.
Tune in to see the April Month in Review Through a Therapist’s Eyes.
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Episode #309 Transcription
Chris Gazdik: [00:00:00] Hello. This is Through Therapist Eyes and we are doing the April month in review where we review the content that we created and did and executed this last month. And we have Mr. Neil Robinson, it comes out behind the curtains. How are you, sir?
Neil Robinson: I am fantastic. You always do such that I’m doing your typing.
You, you, you go so fast in the intros. ’cause I can’t really copy paste and so I’m like trying to type it in the chat and like
Chris Gazdik: I, I, I purposely went to you first before we went to Adam Loner comes back with us at the end of the month. How are you sir?
Adam Cloninger: Great.
Chris Gazdik: How you doing? Good. Good, good. This is April the 20 something third, I’m gonna guess.
Yes. This is April the 23rd. I got it right. Subscribe and click. We like to create content for you on through therapist as we hope you appreciate it. Enjoy it and you know, and have some value for it. So we ask you for the five stars, we ask you for the. Spotify, LinkedIn, iTunes, apple podcasts, [00:01:00] reviews and stars and follows and likes and all that kinda good stuff.
That’s your part. Contact through therapist eyes.com where you can interact with us. And this is finally not the delivery of therapy services in any way, by the way, see how I did that anyway? Mm-hmm. By the way. Mm-hmm. That, that was, anyway.
Adam Cloninger: Alright. Hey, you know what this is Adam, you segue a segue. I, I did segue.
A segue. Allow myself to introduce myself like, you know what, this Austin Powers 3 0 9, what? This is the human emotional experience and do you know what we wanna do? Figure this thing out together. Oh man, he’s on point. Neil, he’s on point. Where’s my t-shirt that
Chris Gazdik: says that? I don’t know. We have t-shirts, man.
We really gotta get all these. I got show quotes. I got, I got cool phrases and statements and things. We need to do something with ’em. I need a, I need a tape clothing line, man.
Neil Robinson: We will, we’ll get it there. It’s not
Chris Gazdik: merch. It’s a Tate
Adam Cloninger: clothing line. I like merch better. That’s what I’m about. Really? Yeah. I always thought merch was stupid.
[00:02:00] Sounds cooler. Does it really? I think it does than a clothing. It’s tipper
Neil Robinson: for the kids. You say merch?
Chris Gazdik: That’s where we divulge away because we don’t really cater to children. We,
Adam Cloninger: if you go to a concert, you don’t say, I’m gonna go get some clothing. He might,
Chris Gazdik: I might.
Neil Robinson: Lemme go check out their apparel.
Chris Gazdik: Hey, that’s a cool word.
Why am I being made fun of today? What did I do wrong?
Neil Robinson: What did I do? The show’s only an hour, Chris.
Chris Gazdik: I know. On the a on the, on the month in reviews, we start with Adam Kleer on a down the rabbit hole where he brings us something mental health or substance abuse related. We get to comment on it. It’s a current event kind of thing.
What you got brother,
Adam Cloninger: dear? My research of trying to find something for the rabbit hole, I. Inadvertently found something that’s kind of touches base on something you’ve been mentioning before in passing that you wanted to talk about.
Chris Gazdik: Oh really? So we got a rabbit hole and a cool topic. That’s a, that’s a shocker.
Well, it’s, it’s I gotta tell you for, for, for [00:03:00] 2025 Q1 here, we, we’ve been struggling. Neil, would you, would you agree that that a little bit? Yeah. We’ve been struggling with the rabbit hole. I, I don’t even wanna remember what the topics were, but maybe we got, maybe we got an interview. One of ‘
Adam Cloninger: em, I just had bad delivery.
It’s a good, good subject, but just bad delivery. I should have had follow up questions for you. So this one has to do with ai, so, oh boy. Yeah. So, you know, that’s an easy one. We’ve talked about things where, you know, social media has been problems caused by social media. So this article had to do with. I think it had like eight things about ai.
I’m not gonna go with over eight. Eight, all eight of ’em. But two of them I thought were really interesting and one of the items was was along the topic of something you’ve mentioned before, but it was like, kind of broke down into like two or three segments inside that. And in that segment it didn’t really discuss the part that you mentioned.
Okay. What’s that? So one of them was about people who are getting having feelings [00:04:00] for, and even romantic feelings for ai, like chat box and stuff. Oh yes.
Chris Gazdik: I love that you did this. Yes. That’s, that’s one of ’em. That’s the one we did. Yeah. Yeah. Oh
Adam Cloninger: my gosh. You, I’m, we can give you the other one too.
Go ahead. So, because that way you can just kind of talk about Yeah. ’cause that’s, this is trippy, Neil. That is trippy. And the other one had to do, and this may affect you at some point in time. Using AI for, for therapy. Right. And part of the thing it talked about for therapy, and it wasn’t actually listed on this, but I remember reading it somewhere else.
The article I read was showed like some of the things for therapy is that there’d be like relaxation AI exercises or other stuff like is how to cope. But I saw another one where using virtual reality, I. Ai mm-hmm. Where they were actually putting people in stressful situations Oh, wow. And modeling out the intervention.
Yeah. And, and one of the examples they gave was like, for public speaking. Yeah. So they [00:05:00] had somebody that was at a public place using the, you know, the headset and they were, you know, having talk and people were like interrupting or getting up and walking or whatever, or. Right. Kind of, you know, cutting up or whatever.
Chris Gazdik: Well, it’s interesting that you’re going to the VR one because I’ve actually seen that before long ago and I’ve, I’ve had thoughts about that. But it to, to the thing
Adam Cloninger: about actually putting ’em in a stressful situation. Right. Okay. So that was the thing. It did, the article didn’t go in that at all. I just happened to see Thatwhere.
Yeah, it
Chris Gazdik: was, it was called Flooding Techniques is what we do with people. You know, we, we put them in the panic situation they have with anxiety or whatever, and then, you know, kind of cope through it. And, and it’s, it’s a, it’s a whole thing that we actually do in, in real time, but the technology was not really good when people were trying to do it.
So I’m curious if then you saw where they are actually doing it now and having some efficacy with it. Is that, so is that, I didn’t,
Adam Cloninger: I didn’t see any videos, but it did say there’s some companies that’s working on it and has some working models.
Chris Gazdik: Yeah. Okay.
Adam Cloninger: So, so that, so yeah. They’re, they’re, they’re, no, well, I take it back.
They showed some pictures. They didn’t actually show the video. [00:06:00] They showed some pictures of like a person looking out and like, there’s an audience, people, you know, in seats and they were like supposed to deliver type of speech or whatever, pissed off.
Chris Gazdik: Be honest with you.
Adam Cloninger: Neil, I feel
Chris Gazdik: like AI’s
Adam Cloninger: coming for me, man.
It is. That was like item number three on that list. But, you know, I did have
Chris Gazdik: a conversation with somebody just the other day we were talking about this very thing because this is, this is an excellent, you’ve redeemed yourself for the Q1 2025. We’re going, we’re going well into Q2. This is great. We’re recovered because I actually literally had a conversation with a client about this and they, you know what they said though?
They said, I need the variety, you know, I need, like, you know, he, he had a therapist before me and then he was meeting with me and he was like, yeah, I mean I need variety, you know, it’s okay. Like each therapist is a different kind of flavor and is, you have a different kind of artistic side to this. And of course there’s a science to what we do and there’s an art to what we do, and the art is important in how we go about doing what we do.
So I actually felt a lot more relieved that they’re not gonna take me over. But before that, I felt I was
Adam Cloninger: totally, like I said, like I said, there was like eight different things and I’ll even mention [00:07:00] two of them. One of, one of the eight things was. People being stressed about losing their jobs because AI take replacing ’em.
It’s coming,
Chris Gazdik: it’s going to revolutionize the world it already has with large language. But again,
Adam Cloninger: I wasn’t even talking about that for the rabbit hole. Yeah. So
Chris Gazdik: it’s, this is a true rabbit hole. Neil, let me just tune in with your it mind. I mean, surely you’ve thought about a lot of this stuff. This is really creeping me out in most recent times.
The, my use of chat GPT is, is growing. It’s, it’s pretty wild. What, what, what say you,
Neil Robinson: yeah. AI is. It’s a very useful tool that depending on how things go, is gonna be replacing a lot of people that don’t do work well. That’s, that’s kind of don’t do work well. Yeah. There’s, there’s certain people that you just can’t replace, but there’s a lot of people that, that get by barely or they’re just not good at certain things and it’s going to replace them.
Yeah. The, the adaptability, the, the, you know, the plethora of information that it stores. Like, you know, I, from an email side with [00:08:00] what I do,
Adam Cloninger: plethora by the way.
Neil Robinson: That’s a word. I, yeah, that’s, I love that word. But I think
Adam Cloninger: the three amigos, when I hear that,
Neil Robinson: maybe that’s why I like that word, but no, with, with, when I do email stuff and there’s a lot of content that gets created, like there’s a lot of people that use ai that to scour social media or different things to start seeing like, what is this person done?
What is this person? And then they use that to then create content that goes into the emails and they don’t have to write it, right? It’s this very weird thing that if you have the right tool, it’s a lot of re it’s really powerful. But what that means is now people aren’t gonna really be, do learning their stuff or understanding what’s going on.
Adam Cloninger: Well, that’s already happened. Kids and, yeah, go ahead Adam. I’m sorry. Well, I’m just saying that kids just don’t do stuff in school anymore. I mean, it’s, it’s not important to be on time and absences don’t matter. Get me. Yeah, we’ve talked about that before. Haven’t, sorry, it’s just piss me off. So
Chris Gazdik: maddening.
Yeah. Our public school system I, I can just rail on. But you know, it’s funny because, you know, HR managers and stuff are telling me that basically all of the resumes and, you know, cover letters and stuff look the [00:09:00] same. We all know why, and, you know, they’re using AI now to screen the different things. So we’ve got AI generated applications being reviewed by AI generated formats and, and those are horrible, by the way.
Yeah. Are they?
Adam Cloninger: Oh
Chris Gazdik: my
Adam Cloninger: man. I’ve seen people that come in and just, oh yeah. They have little, little keywords that’s picked up and you talk to ’em and they’re like, they’re morons. Yeah.
Chris Gazdik: Yeah. The face-to-face interview is, yeah.
Adam Cloninger: Well I remember there was a, there was a person a few years back that, I’m gonna say the person was like, I’m gonna say like 30 years old.
And they had, they were showing like all the places they had worked. I’m like, okay, so he went to college and he’s had six careers. Oh. And now you’re hiring him and you think he’s gonna be around long. Yeah. And he wasn’t. So,
Chris Gazdik: yeah. It’s, I don’t know. It’s, it’s nuts. But the, but the, but the greater part of your, your rabbit hole is where I’d like to focus.
And I know we’ve gone long on this rabbit hole, but it’s a good one, Adam,
Adam Cloninger: about the relationships. [00:10:00] Yes. That’s crazy.
Chris Gazdik: There are now reports and findings and we’re picking up on how people have developed full blown, I’m talking about full on relationships with AI developed and, and, and, and groomed over a period of time where they’re consumed with this stuff and.
Losing their emotional, I mean, it’s full on abandonment and or engulfment, emotional reactivity with an ai, not even ai with a large language model. See,
Adam Cloninger: this is, this is the, the next level. See, the other thing I think about, it’s not just them, but the AI adapts to work better in a way, in a way that’s personalized.
Yeah. That’s, that’s kind of catered to them. It kind of trains into, as it’s working with you, it figures out what it needs to be what you want, right? [00:11:00]
Chris Gazdik: Yes. And I don’t even know where that’s going. I, I mean, I think of the, the ramifications of societally and culturally and family, and I mean, people are just gonna have full relationship.
We don’t need all the humans.
Adam Cloninger: Yeah. And then, then you’re gonna have, then you’re gonna have robots that’s gonna be doing this. That’s what I’m saying. We’re not even
Chris Gazdik: talking about ai. Really. Yeah. We’re just talking about the very limited Yeah. Which Chachi, the language, large language models co-pilot with, with Microsoft.
They are amazing at what they can do. I was just talking to my buddy about this yesterday and telling him, he, he checked it out for the first time. He still didn’t even know about it. Didn’t even know he was getting the letters confused, like, chat GT Q what? You know? I’m like, yeah, bro. Like, he didn’t even know, man.
And so when we get to the AI level, ah, forget about it. I don’t even, I don’t know.
Neil Robinson: Well, I mean, I think the biggest in interesting part about when it comes to human nature, if you. Build out these chat GBT [00:12:00] AI kind of stuff where it’s always, it’s always a bunch of Yes men basically. Like even if you tell chat GBT to like argue with me, like yeah.
There’s no balance there. And I, and I think that’s the part that’s gonna, that’s gonna suffer humanity the most is when you have this thing at your beck and call that you can get whatever you want. Right. You become a spoiled brat. And we’re gonna get to the point where a lot of people are gonna be doing this and they’re gonna be giddy stuff.
Even if you ask if it, if you ask it to push back what? It’s not going to be the same as when you and I talk and I hurt your feelings or I do something you don’t like and you really push back at me to force me to grow or change or adjust to it. It’s really gonna be very detrimental to the human connection, the human nature, because we’re gonna have
Adam Cloninger: even more WSEs than we already have.
Neil Robinson: Exactly.
Chris Gazdik: I mean, it’s interesting that when, when I’m listening to you talk there, Neil, and, and it does, it does make me feel hopeful in the sense that, you know. Okay, so if you back up the fear, the feeling, the anticipation, what I really was operating on [00:13:00] five minutes ago was like, this is taking over and we don’t need human beings anymore.
And people aren’t gonna know how to relate and whatnot. But maybe just listening to you is kind of like, okay, well people will be fascinated, they’ll be interested, they’ll engage with this one and whatever. Probably similar to social media. And I think then there’ll be a correction because we’ll realize this just doesn’t replace that.
Hopefully, like what you were describing is really not going to be able to be reached by a human relationship to another, even species. If you wanna even think of the robots that’ll be moving around and whatnot as species.
Adam Cloninger: Yeah. But you’re gonna have some people be like, eh, but that, that’s what I want. I don’t want them to, right.
I don’t, I don’t want the drama. I just want them to do what I want. Yeah. Some, I want them to be what I want.
Chris Gazdik: Yeah, some. But at the same time. There’s that nuance that I think it won’t be complete. Yeah. I don’t know. We’ll really have to see. I mean, it’s, it’s gonna be, it’s gonna be humdinger kind of a, like, it’s kinda
Adam Cloninger: like playing a [00:14:00] game on easy mode.
Yes. That’s a great metaphor.
Neil Robinson: Yeah. Which is great. When you first start, as you said, gets boring, like, oh great, it’s great. And then it, yeah, it gets super, super boring, right?
Chris Gazdik: Yes. You’re so that is perfect Adam, really and truly, and I know you’re a gamer, right? So it’s like, you know when you get onto a game and you put it on easy mode, it’s like, I’m learning the game.
I feel awkward with this. This is new, I don’t know what to do. And then it’s kinda like, I need a freaking challenge. Like this gets boring quick. Yeah. Also quick. So it’ll probably be 1500 years quick for humanity, but I have a newfound hope. We’re gonna be okay. Alright. Terminator’s not truly a documentary.
Well, we’ll see. I don’t know about all that. Shall we get to the shows that we did in April? Neil? I. Episode 3 0 6. Don’t stay stuck on what sucks. Adam. We ask the questions, what is one negative thought or situation that you keep returning to? How was staying stuck in this mindset impacted your relationships or personal growth?
And then [00:15:00] finally, what is one small step you could take today to shift your perspective? I feel like this is a, a very human to speak of it. Like ai, a very human thing to do. Getting stuck on what sucks. What do you remember from the show, Neil, Adam, what do you, thinking about the topic, how do you guys see all this?
Adam Cloninger: What do you think about the, the title, the topic about not getting stuck on something that sucks? What sucks? First of all,
Chris Gazdik: it’s a cool title I created, right? Yeah. I actually love that title. Don’t get stuck on what Sucks saying. Crickets, man. Nobody likes it, but dang. No, I mean I, I can see that’s, that’s a rough crowd, man.
Yeah.
Adam Cloninger: He talks like he’s a comedian or something. Rough crowd,
Chris Gazdik: rough time, rough crowd.
Adam Cloninger: I can, I can see how that would be something that’s beneficial to not get stuck on something that’s a really ish event or,
Chris Gazdik: well, let’s go to the first question, Adam. See you search your [00:16:00] mind, search your memory, search your things that you’ve been through.
What is the negative thought or situation that you keep returning to? Can you think of anything that pops off in your head? Because I’ll tell you for, for a long time. You know, I, I share it now the time that I found out my family was getting divorced. Now it’s a cool little opening for a story. When I’m doing a presentation, I’ll often use that.
To break in and show that people definitely have rough circumstances, myself included, and, you know, and they play out. I mean, I have many indelible moments I can remember, you know, when I broke my arm, like yesterday, my brother power slammed me thinking we were doing power wrestling and my arm was like a u on the table when I was a kid.
Ew. Oh, it was brutal. I, I remember when Ray fell out of a tree. I’m just gonna leave it at that. That was like a bad day. I can remember the car wreck that I, I had, you know, there are, there are things that we return to. Can you think of stuff that you have a process where your thoughts or
Adam Cloninger: thinking
Chris Gazdik: pops back up?
Adam Cloninger: I wish I [00:17:00] would’ve lost half my 4 0 1 KA few years earlier when I got a divorce instead of waiting as long as I did. Wow. Fair. Right.
Chris Gazdik: What about you, Neil? Do you have negative thought processes
Neil Robinson: all the time?
Chris Gazdik: Right?
Neil Robinson: It’s all, all the time, all the things that I have to get done, don’t get done. Do you, do you wallow or do you move forward?
Right? That’s always the hard part. Right? Do you, it goes back to the game mode too, right? Do you like playing the same crappy challenges all the time, or do you try to conquer and move on to the next one, right? Mm-hmm. What do you do in life? So, yeah, all the time. You always have that risk of what, what is that?
What is that negative behavior or that bad behavior that you, you keep going back to? Whether it’s bad relationships or it’s just day-to-day stuff where you don’t, you know, oh, after, didn’t work out again today, right? And do that and you just, you just stay in the same humdrum routine all the time. All the time.
Chris Gazdik: You know, it’s interesting, I didn’t really think about this or talk about it when we originally did the show, but listening to you there made me think, you know what, there’s two different things going on. [00:18:00] One is sort of, and that’s what I was focused on actually reliving. You know, emotional moments or failures or all the insecurity kind of things.
And, but I think there’s a different thing that really, like, there’s a biological reason why we do this. Adam, I know you like kind of nature virtues, nurture and, you know, we all developed on a level playing field and moving through life with your experiences. I mean, your brain looks for all the things that’ll kill you and tries to prevent it, basically.
Mm-hmm. Right, right. I mean, that’s in essence why we get stuck on what sucks. You, you, your brain is trying to protect you. So that’s, that’s, that’s essentially why we get onto it. But Neil, you were kinda looking at like some of the regrets or some of the emotional things that we endured.
Neil Robinson: Yeah. And, and sometimes it’s, it’s something that you’ve done in the past that you, you know, triggers you to, to not move forward because you’re like.
You know, there’s not always that thing I’ve heard at one point where you don’t [00:19:00] push yourself to do something or you don’t feel you’re worth it because of past failures, right? Yeah. Those are those things that you can think about with like, well, I could, I could go for that promotion, but last time I did that they said, no, and it really sucks and my job sucks, so I’m not gonna ask for the next thing, right?
Or stuff like that. Or you say, well, I’ll, I’ll do the, I’ll do this next week. And then you start not doing that and you start doubting if you, you’re even capable of it. Like that’s the kind of stuff that, you know, that’s what sucks that you get stuck on and you have to find ways to rewire and move past it.
So whether it’s a previous incident that causes, that’s really, really bad, a trauma thing, or sometimes it’s just where you keep basically shooting yourself in the foot, you keep sabotaging. You know that self-sabotage idea.
Chris Gazdik: So, quick question, Adam. Don’t think about it. Just answer. Can we change our stuck thought patterns?
Oh, come on.
Adam Cloninger: I mean, come on. To a certain extent, but it’s, it’s a natural thing you’re, that you said you’re trying to protect yourself from, and whether it be, you know some type of hurt or [00:20:00] not to make the same mistake or whatever. So, but I mean, yeah, you can. Yeah,
Chris Gazdik: it’s funny. Do you have hope? Do you have confidence?
Do you have, do you think you have the ability for yourself and your life to do this? Now we might be onto some grounds and whatever, but you know what’s funny? I love to point out the fact that my entire industry is geared on trying to process change and manage that Yes, we can, we can
Adam Cloninger: do this differently.
Look, I’m engaged again. Huh? I’m engaged again. Right? So, yeah. Yeah. After, after a horrible divorce, I’m engaged. Yeah. And, and you would’ve thought, I ain’t ever
Chris Gazdik: doing
Adam Cloninger: this again. And I did think I’m not doing it again. Yeah. But I met a wonderful woman.
Chris Gazdik: I mean, Julie’s pretty cool.
Adam Cloninger: She’s pretty cool.
Chris Gazdik: But, but the point is there, you know, you really, really can get through the hopelessness and, and, and the, the doubts and the fears.
I don’t think I put a big piece of this into the show when we did it, but there’s a cool New York Post article that kind of pointed out this process that people talked [00:21:00] about, you know, being a negative person or a positive person, you know how you change that. And there was this cool thing, I mean, actually read it and see like, you know, how we.
How we do this in real life, because they talked about a simple trick that anyone can learn that can change your mood, your perspective, and even basically your life as it relates to the Neil. Some of these things we talk about with life experiences and insecurities and stuff. And the trick refers to practicing what we focus on while our brain is in two neurological processes.
And that is activation in neurology and then installation. And so what’s interesting about this is, you know. When you’re in a learning mode, you have to really be activated so that your brain will incorporate information. We’ve learned this in the sciences of neurology, and the way that this was described to me is Gwen [00:22:00] Wild.
I hope you’re listening to this. She, she’s awesome. She’s my pessie representative. But I saw her talk live and she’s an occupational therapist and I was fascinated with, because what she taught us is how they go in to help learning disabled folks learn. And so I can’t speak super intelligently about what she taught because it’s complicated and it’s a long time ago.
But I’ve incorporated the memory that like people are either quickly warmed up or slowly warmed up. Basically. There’s smarter ways to say that, but the kids that are the bump on the log at, at school. That like get overstimulated just by being around kids or whatever. And they just, they get all super quiet.
They get very easily activated, meaning you can install things in their thinking or new information relatively quickly because they’re warmed up. They’re activated very, very quickly. So they have a low tolerance for activation. But kids, like autistic kids and whatnot, need a lot. [00:23:00] So they don’t learn anything because their brains aren’t in an activated mode.
They’re not moving and grooving yet. Right. So they would take these kids and they would work ’em out. I mean, they took this particularly troubled autistic kid, and one of the things that they did is he would swing in a swing and then, you know, get activated. And so he would swing in a swing, jump off the swing and run into the wall.
And he did this like swing, swing, swing, ran into the wall, swing for like an hour or two after he did a bunch of other things. And finally at the end of the school day, he was activated. Stimulated, if you will. He was going through stimulation. He was warmed up. He was warmed up, and he learned the alphabet.
Like the whole thing was amazing. Right? So that’s the kind of thing that’s an interesting trick that this article talked about. You know, get into an activated state where you can really learn and then install. New thinking, Neil, that replaces the [00:24:00] negative thinking that focuses on what’s stuck. I just think that’s cool.
Neil Robinson: But do you think anything has to do with like endorphins that you get from a workout that it, it, it triggers it? Oh, yeah. Well, and, and here’s the sad state of our, our public school system now, God, the fact that they’re taking recess and they’re minimizing those times, I know it is some of the worst things you can do for kids.
Like, it’s terrible. Like, let’s force ’em to stay in a room for, you know, eight hours a day. Let’s not let them have a break. Let’s not them get the energy out there. Like, just the, that in itself is a, a big thing that like, if you let them go do the infor endorphins, you let them go get out there at nervous energy or their excitement energy.
Adam Cloninger: That’s a really good point. That’s,
Neil Robinson: that’s a real, so, I mean, I see that’s a huge thing, right? Because if you’re stuck and you’re depressed and you have all these issues, well, yeah, go work out. You’re gonna feel better about accomplishing something. Your endorphins are gonna be there, which is gonna give you a better mindset, and you’re gonna be more willing because you’re, you’re.
Seeing forward progress, right? So if you’re really negative, it’s gonna help you become more positive because you’re seeing [00:25:00] an effect. I see that with my youngest kid, you know, when we stopped going to the gym, he is like his, like he got started, like his self-esteem dropped. Yeah. ’cause he, we weren’t going, he wasn’t staying active.
He wasn’t being like, I’m doing something. Like, it’s all this things that comes positive with it, but it makes sense to, you know, once again. You know, the physical activity can lead to the activation in the brain or the ability to activate the brain. It makes sense,
Chris Gazdik: and it’s the timing of quote unquote, installing new thoughts and whatnot.
You know, I mean, I think people don’t really figure through that and make this a purposeful activity because, yeah, Adam, it’s hard and people get doubtful that they can change these things of focusing on what sucks. But, you know, do you have a purposeful process that you engage in? And I’m willing to bet, I mean, you know, short of what your therapist might give you for a homework activity, which is rare anyway that people follow up on, that you actually do by yourself.
Right? Right. Is that fair? Yeah. I’m really gonna do
Adam Cloninger: that.
Chris Gazdik: Right. It’s not, it’s not a purposeful [00:26:00] process that you go through to really change your, your, your stinking thinking. They call it an alcoholics Anonymous, for instance. Your focus on the negative and you just repeat it over and over again until you die.
That’s sad but true. I wonder if it’s
Adam Cloninger: almost like you’re distracting the mind.
Chris Gazdik: Oh, go further with that. That’s an interesting thought. Makes
Adam Cloninger: sense. I mean, like you, you, you’re focused on one thing, but then you, you do something else to distract their mind. Then you’re, you’re able to go do something else and you know what?
That you distract.
Chris Gazdik: Yeah. You know what that connects with Adam is we’re distracting. We usually try to cope when we’re stressed out with the typical quote unquote negative coping mechanisms. Right. Drinking a little bit too much, buying stuff that we can’t really afford. Getting into physical altercations or even fighting, you know, these are, these are things that people do to cope to, to, but, but it’s not activating your mind for thoughtful change about things in your life.
It’s a distraction. It’s a [00:27:00] distraction and it’s a, and it adds problems, obviously, you know, getting into fighting, you. It’s create more conflict in your life and whatnot.
Adam Cloninger: You’re having hangovers on Monday after drinking too much on Sunday.
Chris Gazdik: I mean, that would be a bad day. It would be a bad day, for instance.
Yes. The,
oh man, that’s terrible. Where’d you get that idea from? You know, but from my book, it’s interesting. I, I like to talk about the four things that I came down with that are four areas of change, right? Like valuing yourself action points stopping purposely to reflect on emotions. We’re talking about that a little bit.
But then the fourth one is, is, is focusing focus points. Like what do you purposely focus on, drives how it is that you’re feeling. So I broke all the chapters down into specific spots and that came down to four different areas, and this is one of the whole four. So what do you focus on? How do you focus on it?
You know, what do you learn from it determines if you continue to stay stuck on what [00:28:00] sucks. Shall we go on to number two? Neil, the medication management with Miss Carrie Hill, episode 3 0 7. What’d you think about Carrie? Man, I think Carrie’s awesome.
Neil Robinson: She was a, she was a wiz man. Yeah, I, I’ve actually told one of our clients I work with, they do pharmacology seminars.
Oh, wow. And so I told them that, ’cause I’m like, I one, it’s really funny that she says that term. I’m like, oh, that’s what it is. Right. It makes, I can actually relate two things. What’s, what’s the term she said? Pharmacology. Pharmacology. It’s just basically, I thought you said a second word. No. Okay. No pharmacology.
Well, you
Chris Gazdik: could say psycho-pharmacology if you wanna sound even cooler.
Neil Robinson: No, I’m just gonna say pharmacology. So I was talking to them because it’s like I said, that’s a term that I’ve seen with them, but then she says, I’m like, oh, it makes sense. And I think they might reach out to her about maybe being a lecturer too.
Oh, cool. I just said, Hey, here’s her website. You can go talk to her or whatever. But Nice. Because they
Adam Cloninger: so, so that was her first show? Yeah. I don’t, I don’t remember seeing, I just saw the, yeah, that’s
Neil Robinson: the first show that she’s had with us. Yeah. And she’s, she’s smart as a whip. And, and John was hilarious [00:29:00] because they really geeked out around the medication and the processes.
Like it was the stuff she was rattling out everything from generation one to wherever. Like, I’m, she, she’s sharp as a TA game was, it was, it was great to have her on the show.
Adam Cloninger: I mean, I saw those little shorts were that her and John were. Going back and forth. Yeah.
Chris Gazdik: Yeah. She, she just, I, I think that the, the reason why I care bottom line and, you know, the information is on the websites to, to look her up and stuff.
We, we have a great prescriber now in Gaston County that I’m super excited to refer people to because, you know, yeah, she, she, she’s a nurse practitioner, which is different than, you know, a psychiatrist. And real quick, that differentiation is, you know, psychiatrist is, goes through medical school and then specializes on, you know, the, the psych part.
So they combine psychology and, and you know, medical doctor, a nurse practitioner goes through incredible amount of training and they get to the highest level of nursing where you can actually prescribe medications. And then you also focus in on, you know, [00:30:00] the psychology. So it’s like highly trained position.
And the thing that’s amazing is they care in that they listen. Like you go to medication prescribers anymore and you got like five minutes. Adam, it’s terrible. I don’t know if you know how that stuff works, but you go in the first time and meet a doctor for like 15, 20 minutes max, and you get your whole story out and then you come back.
Subsequent med checks, they just ask you how your symptoms are. You spend five to seven minutes, literally that’s it, if not three minutes. And you, and you and you’re out the door and they prescribe you these medications. Yeah. Another, that’s the way it usually works.
Adam Cloninger: Another problem is and I’m gonna use the term, I’m kind of geek out in the term locum.
That’s a kinda like a, use that term. Julie’s gonna fe at me ’cause I’m for using this. So a locum is kind of like a travel nurse, but it’s a doctor version of a travel nurse, if that makes sense. Okay. So they, I’ve never heard of that term though. So they, they’re
Chris Gazdik: prescriber
Adam Cloninger: or nurse, they’re, they’re temporary doctors.
It could be six months or a year, whatever. They’re like temporary [00:31:00] there. Sometimes you go see a doctor and when you come back, there’s another doctor. Right. When you come back, there’s another doctor. That’s the way medical
Chris Gazdik: group is going man. And doctor’s
Adam Cloninger: opinions are like anybody else’s opinions al vary.
Oh. So, and I, I just had recently, I was telling you earlier, I had a doctor that I, I just saw, ’cause she was locum at the, at the place I go to and some of the medications I’ve been on forever. She said, oh, you shouldn’t be. Oh, we, yeah. I’m like, okay. So she’s wanting me to totally change the way I’m taking it and it’s, it’s causing problems.
But
Chris Gazdik: Yeah.
Adam Cloninger: I’m getting by.
Chris Gazdik: Yeah, yeah, yeah. I, the, the, the, the, the big thing here is, you’re right, I mean. You know, the, the way medical groups are, I mean, prescribing has been a, a sort of a turtle diving thing for a while. It’s slowly been diving for many, many years in, in, in, in worse care. ’cause you just don’t have any [00:32:00] time with your doctor and you’re apt and correct to say, particularly in medical groups nowadays, the doctors are switching out.
I mean, you, you just, they to leave and they get replaced and they get replaced by PAs or nps and it’s, it’s, it’s a bit of a service delivery mess. It has been for quite a while. So you find somebody like, like Carrie, I mean that, that, you know, that’s probably why you didn’t realize some of all of that that we’re talking about now or in the weeds with why I’m so excited to have a good prescriber
Neil Robinson: that’s, oh, no, I, I wholeheartedly understand the fact that you, you go through these things but you can’t prescribe, but you build a rapport with people.
I think to me, honestly, a general practitioner should not be allowed to. To basically prescribe mental health medication? I do not. They, to me, there’s not enough time with them. You, you don’t know someone. I mean, you’ve had the thing where you have people come in and they’re bipolar because you only see them on the depression.
You think it’s depression. Right?
Adam Cloninger: Right.
Neil Robinson: You’ve talked about that, so, so how do you expect a GP to come in and say, I get 15 minutes with the person you’re spending first five minutes. You know, introducing five minutes, going, then five minutes to solve the [00:33:00] problem. That’s not gonna do it. Like they really should not be giving you medication.
That, and then the follow up that Carrie said was they give you this antidepressant and then say, okay, come back in six months.
Adam Cloninger: Yes.
Neil Robinson: Like, that’s not, that’s problem, that’s not good when you’re dealing with, with stuff like this. Right. And so to me, I take the bold stance in that, that I don’t think a GP should be able to prescribe this without some sort of a track record.
Like you have to have X amount of visits and you, like, there needs to be some sort of regulation there. ’cause it’s just, you don’t know enough to put what, to put them on, how it’s gonna react and you don’t know how it’s gonna react because you don’t see them for six months.
Chris Gazdik: It’s a really good point. And, and it is a bit of a debate.
I mean, it, it’s, it’s a tough thing to say general practitioners shouldn’t be able to, because that’s, honestly, you just described a psychiatrist, Neil. I mean that’s what doesn’t a psychiatrist still do from time to time Now they wanna get more visits so they’ll see you and follow up a little bit better.
Mm-hmm. Because they understand the psychology piece. Right. So that is a. Pretty big distinction, but that’s like the only distinction. Yeah. [00:34:00] I I, I’m sorry if I’m stepping on psychiatrist’s shoes here a little bit, but I mean, dang man, that’s, that’s, that’s what I see in the, in the field. I mean, it’s, it’s just been degraded to the point that we have terrible medication management services.
Yeah, that’s dirty, rotten shame. The three questions that we have here though, for this episode 3 0 7, have you ever considered how medication might play a role in your mental health treatment plan? Some people don’t want to even think about that, Adam. Like, I don’t want medications. You ever hear people?
Adam Cloninger: Oh, yeah.
Chris Gazdik: You know. And so
Adam Cloninger: who likes taking medications anyway? Yeah.
Chris Gazdik: Yeah. What concerns or questions do you have about starting or managing psychiatric medications and how do you currently monitor or assess the effectivenesses the effectiveness of any mental health treatments you’re undergoing? So I think those are really, you know, questions that to, to get you to be thoughtful about what are the fears, you know, how do you imagine this?
Why are you avoiding it? I’ll tell you solidly where I have landed over the years is that, [00:35:00] you know, I’ve said a thousand times to help people that are in therapy. ’cause, you know, we can’t prescribe, we just the therapy people and they go to prescribers to prescribe, you know, Zoloft, Prozac, Paxil, you know.
There’s, there’s sub Depakote, so many different medications that we use. Well, it’s, it’s, it’s, it’s definitely, thank goodness in 2025 and for a while now we have technology that gives us some aid with mental health diagnoses. That’s what they are. They’re a tool to manage them, but they’re not a solution.
Sadly. People go particularly knee to gps and they don’t wanna go to therapy. They don’t wanna deal with the embarrassment. They don’t wanna deal with the shame. And so they tell ’em, Hey, I’m a little depressed, and they’ll give ’em this pill or whatever, pop it and never see ’em for six months. It’s bad delivery service, but it, it’s, it’s safer and they’re more likely to do that because they don’t want to go through all the embarrassment and shame of dealing with the mental health world.
But, but, but then when you’re left with is [00:36:00] you, you can’t look at this as a solution.
Adam Cloninger: It’s okay. ’cause what’s gonna happen is the GPS gonna go say, I’ll be right back. And they’re gonna go into another office GT, and they’re going jab, GBT. Oh man. And then they’re gonna get a diagnosis and they’re coming back and say, this is what we’re gonna do.
That prob you know, that happens in the Oh yeah, I know. You know, that happens. I guarantee that happens. Yeah. That medication guarantee should prescribed
Chris Gazdik: for this issue. Yeah. I
Adam Cloninger: guarantee it happens. That’s,
Chris Gazdik: that’s scary. You’re so on point.
Adam Cloninger: I bet you it happens with therapists too. I, you take notes, go over the notes, you think next time you come in, you know, I was thinking we should probably do this.
He’s like, yeah, I can see that. I can totally
Chris Gazdik: see that. Sadly, I, I’ve honestly never done that. Like, I don’t know. That’s, that’s, I,
Neil Robinson: I, I could see that that could be really, really useful. Gosh, if you’re trying to connect the pieces, right? If like, someone in your shoes are John’s shoes, right? Because you guys have such experience, there’s always those weird exceptions, right?
Like, if you could, you could probably use [00:37:00] that to find that anomaly, right? Look at these last show notes. They’re not showed notes.
Chris Gazdik: Yeah. Progress notes.
Neil Robinson: Progress notes. And you can maybe use that as a way, it might put two pieces together. You might be like, Hey, maybe what we’re seeing is this type of syndrome, but now when you look at someone like Victoria, who’s newer, doesn’t have the experience, a, you know, the AI is really valuable for her because she can start looking at these pieces and trying to say, oh, I didn’t think about this.
Or it might catch some nuances in, in some of those pieces, right? If the progress notes are covering. So it’s definitely usable
Adam Cloninger: and dangerous. And dangerous because somebody can get, you know. And I can see it being useful. Useful if you’re using it like as a consultant basis, but then somebody’s Oh, oh, okay.
Yeah.
Neil Robinson: Well, and that’s the thing that the way, yeah, I just go with it.
Adam Cloninger: Yeah. I can see somebody just doing it, let just go with it.
Neil Robinson: Well, and that’s the thing too, like I don’t, the biggest joke in the email world with what we’re doing is if you get an email from someone that starts with, I hope this email finds you well, that is a hundred percent a chat GPT phrase.
And so the idea from our side, that is
Chris Gazdik: funny because I love that phrase, man, [00:38:00]
Adam Cloninger: but that I, I
Chris Gazdik: use that in my letters.
Adam Cloninger: Chris, you’re in a simulation, you just don’t know what my own
Neil Robinson: Exactly. But that, that’s the joke, right? That that. And so the goal that you have to do is anytime you use chat GPT, you have to have a something to run it against, right?
So when you get that result from chat, GPT saying, I think this what’s going on, you have to use your experience in your brain to say, is this, this does this work business? This is it. Right? You have to, so there’s always, right now. There has to be human interaction. So as you stated, the dangerous part is not reviewing it, not that you use it, but the fact that you just take it blindly, like you said.
Right, right. That’s, that’s the scary part. Oh yeah. This person should, should take this medication, help with this symptom, without knowing what
Adam Cloninger: kind of biases were set up for. That.
Neil Robinson: Well, on top of, yeah, that itself. Plus if you don’t put information incorrectly, like if you say, Hey, this person has these symptoms and you forget to say that they’re taking these medications.
Chris Gazdik: I was thinking garbage in, garbage out. They,
Neil Robinson: they might, yeah, exactly. They might come back and say, prescribe this because it’s gonna help them not realizing that there’s a huge, you know, [00:39:00] counter effect between the two different medications. Right. So depending what you put into it depends on what you get back and if you don’t take the time to review it after the fact.
So it’s very valuable. It’s very useful, but it still, you have to put the effort in to make sure that what you put in is high quality and what you get it get out is correct. And that’s what’s so great about Carrie. She’s so smart that she could, I think she could do that. Like, oh, totally. Carrie. I’m like, I’m still blown away by like, she’s so impressive.
I want to back on the show and let you know. Talk about more of her stuff. ’cause it’s crazy what she knows.
Chris Gazdik: Yeah. Her, her approach as a psychiatric mental health nurse practitioner, she has a philosophy centered on compassionate patient care, believing in empowerment. By creating a safe and trusting environment for open communication.
And like I said, that’s a big thing. Like she talks to you, she engages with you, she has a relationship with you, she gets to know you. That’s kind of super, sadly rare in medication prescribing fields. She takes the time to listen and understand your unique experience, ensuring [00:40:00] that you feel valued and heard.
I mean, it really is refreshing. That’s why I, when I started in this field, Neil, I, a psychiatrist that prescribe actually would do therapy. I, I hear, heard that Carrie does that. I, I, that is the first time that I have heard that in 25 years or first
Neil Robinson: session of what? 45 minutes, 60 minutes, something like that.
Did she start, did she hear
Chris Gazdik: 25 years? That is the first time I’ve heard that it’s, that’s, that’s awesome. Yeah. She, pushing an hour is what she spends with you. Like a, like a therapist does. So super cool. What are the fears that people have? Guys, we, we talked about that in this medication management show, and I think it’s a really important topic, you know, and two lesser clinical people.
I think Neil, you’re basically a clinical person in our field by this point. You have an honorary degree, Adam, we’re working on you man. But to to, to nonclinical minds. What are the fears? What are the beliefs about these things? I mean, we have a lot of fear out there. I think about, I I don’t wanna take [00:41:00] them crazy medications, and I’m not just talking about being medication prone anyway, but specifically mental health medications.
Well, is there still as much stigma as I feel like there used to be?
Adam Cloninger: I would say yes just as much so because, and it’s gonna be dependent on the person. Well, what do they want and what do they believe? So, you know, if, if somebody wants to, forget something or like, I don’t, yeah, I just want, I just, I don’t want, I don’t wanna think about it.
I just wanted to forget about it. Or somebody else might think, you know, I don’t want my judgment clouded, so I really don’t wanna be on anything. Another person may might be like, oh, you know, I’ve read all these things and it’s made by using scorpion venom and Oh God, yeah. You know, they’re
Chris Gazdik: going through the side effects list.
Yeah, yeah,
Adam Cloninger: yeah. So, you know, there’s, I guess just depends. Scorpion blood, do
Chris Gazdik: scorpions have
Adam Cloninger: blood? I said venom, scorpion
Chris Gazdik: venom. I would love to see what we could do with scorpion blood, though. That seems cool. Yeah. So, so those are typical fears and, but you actually [00:42:00] think there’s still a mental health stigma, fears associated with medications.
Yeah. Hmm. Neil, what are you thinking?
Neil Robinson: Here’s an interesting thought process. If you go and you get medication, that means you have a problem. How many people like to admit that they have a problem? True. Right? So, so that’s, that’s the other part. So there is a side effect concern, right there is the, the thought process of what he said, like it’s how is it gonna affect me, right?
Am I really gonna be who I am now? Right. Is it gonna negatively impact me? But then the other part is, is, you know, I have to, I have to admit that I need help and it’s not just regular help, it’s now I need this extra help. Right. To get to that point. And that’s, that’s the hard part. I think in today’s society and part of it, people are more willing, you know, of course I think in society they’ve, they’ve sensationalized some of these diagnoses, which is another problem.
But for the most part, people don’t wanna admit that they actually have a real problem. And, and going to get medication means you have an issue that you have to address. And some people don’t want to address it because that means they have to admit it. [00:43:00]
Adam Cloninger: And, and wait a minute for, for you saying that, that.
Think about this blood pressure medicine. I was thinking that, or cholesterol medicine or whatever. Yeah. People are like, oh man, I, I really, I really should be exercising. I should be eating better. Yeah. I ain’t got a problem though. I’m fine. I, I, I, I’m gonna start eating better. I’m start next year. And that’s for your physically Yeah.
And now we’re talking about your mental health. And the interesting
Neil Robinson: part is the physical side, you can see take your blood pressure. My blood pressure side. Oh, let me check my cholesterol, my cholesterol side. Yeah. You have very clear mental health. You
Adam Cloninger: can’t just see it. No, you
Neil Robinson: can’t see it. And so it’s really one of those struggle parts is, you know, am I crazy or am I not?
Am I, do I really, really need this? Or like. Yeah, it’s a really tough thing. I think that’s part of the stigma is admitting there’s a problem on top of, I don’t understand how this is gonna really affect me. And when you go to your G, going back to the earlier, if you go to your GP and they just say, take this, and you start going crazy two weeks into it because it’s really affect you or you’re lethargy, are you gonna know?
Adam Cloninger: Are you gonna know you’re going crazy? Are you
Neil Robinson: gonna know, or you know, you now you, my appointment is not for six months and I can’t [00:44:00] get in any sooner because they’re so busy that. You know, it’s the way that it is. So do you have, now, do you run the risk of taking something without really a lifeline to help you?
Chris Gazdik: You really do run that risk? There’s a lot there, and I’m glad I asked honestly, because I’m a little bit insulated from even being able to see that I have never occurred. To me. It’s really cool in reverse to think, you know, people don’t take or want to seek medications because they don’t believe there’s any mental health issue to take.
They that, I’m kind of amazed that people don’t recognize this stuff in themselves. But that’s, you’re right. I mean, that’s so on point.
Neil Robinson: I feel like they do, they’re just in denial.
Chris Gazdik: Yeah. Well, no, actually denial means I can’t see it. I, I think sometimes they might identify some things and then deny it to themselves to feel better about it.
But I, I do, I think honestly, more commonly people. I am all the time kind of re correcting people. They think they’re depressed and I’m diagnosing anxiety, like people don’t know what’s going on with themselves.
Adam Cloninger: Right. Let me give you another [00:45:00] nurse’s perspective. Okay? No, people use Dr. Google too much and listen to friends, family, and about side effects and never try anything that might help them.
Absolutely. It takes two weeks for some med take effect properly,
Chris Gazdik: at least two weeks for the mental health medication specifically to take an impact. You’re right. And, and, and people are fearful about the side effects, they’re fearful about. Suicidal ideation is a big thing that gets into news and it’s terrifying to think that that’s the case.
But again, the best that I’ve been able to ascertain is where you said Neil. Somebody has depression symptoms, both negative and overt symptoms is what we call negative symptoms, where you don’t have energy and you don’t have motivation and this type of thing. They get better. Pretty quickly with medications.
So you have a little bit more energy, you have a little bit more motivation. But what is a lagging effect to get the full effect 2, 3, 4 weeks in Adam, sometimes it’s longer than two weeks. You have a lot more [00:46:00] energy pretty quickly in a few days, but you still see the world as terribly dark in a horrible place, and now you have energy to complete the act of suicide is, is ultimately what, what happens?
So it’s, you know, there’s, people are terrified.
Neil Robinson: Well, and I think it goes back to what I think we’ve said before is like it’s today’s society is all about being aware of mental health without the tools and how to handle it.
Adam Cloninger: Right?
Neil Robinson: That’s so that, I think that’s why we have a lot of anxiety and depression, all these things that people think they have because now there’s more awareness.
But they’re, they don’t really, they haven’t built the, the tool set to actually help them deal with it if they, if they actually do have it. Right. And I think that’s the biggest struggle is that you’re aware, but you don’t have the other part to say, how do I handle this? Right? So I get the medication, but you’re not talking to someone about how are you handling the processing these new thought processes, you know, this extra energy, this extra stuff, right?
It changed the whole thing. You have to have both sides to it. And that’s what, once again, going back to Carrie, that’s what makes her so great. Yeah. Medication plus therapy, right? She knows what she’s talking [00:47:00] about. She works with you. She, she gives you check-ins more regularly. She’s looking at all the different, like that’s what, like you said, she was a unicorn.
She is one of those very rare exceptions.
Chris Gazdik: So look her up. She’s on our website. Kathy, or Carrie Hill. Kathy, where’d that come from? Carrie Hill in the Gaston County area, west of Charlotte. She’s an awesome prescriber. Really and truly. I wanna send her some referrals. I don’t know, man. I think we gotta get to this last show, otherwise Adam’s gonna be upset if we don’t have enough time to talk about it.
You’re really excited about the third show, aren’t you, Adam? Not really. No. No. How can you not be excited about talking about is a one night stand worth it? I know you’ve got an opinion about this. Do men and or women enjoy one night stands? We actually talked about this in episode 3 0 8. I gotta ask Neil, what was your observation when we were, when you were in the room?
How did that play? How did that go? It was
Neil Robinson: definitely an interesting dynamic with the generations. Yeah. Between Victoria and then, you know, on both sides the [00:48:00] spectrum. You had Victoria, then you had John Nelson, right? Yeah. Two different genders in two different ages. Right? There was a lot. I’m curious what John was saying about that.
Chris Gazdik: He was trying to not be like, I I, I said it even earlier in the show, like, look, we’re not gonna make an ethical statement about this or a moral statement. It’s not the angle that we’re coming from with it. But I, but to answer your question, kind of, I don’t think John could handle it. Could have hurt. I, I, that’s exactly, that’s exactly
Adam Cloninger: what I was getting at.
I was, I was curious. Okay.
Chris Gazdik: He did, he didn’t hold back with that too, too much. Did he, Neil?
Neil Robinson: I, I think he had, I think he wanted to say a lot more. He really tried. Hell, he, he wanted to say
Adam Cloninger: more from a moral standpoint, but yeah. Tone it down. Yeah, I can. He came in, he
Neil Robinson: came in at the end with his little statement.
He was, he was like, right. He is like, I He had enough. Yeah. He was like, Hey,
Chris Gazdik: cut. The mics we’re done with this topic. John’s going off. It wasn’t that bad, but, but it was, it was obvious. What motivates individuals to engage. [00:49:00] In a one night stands was the first question. And second, how does societal perceptions influence his personal experiences of casual sex?
And then lastly, what factors contribute to satisfaction or regret following a one night stand? You know, what really stuck out to me during this show was I, I, I feel like there’s a natural lean that we have towards defining things. Adam, do you think you need to define what a one night stand is? No, I don’t think so.
I didn’t really either, but we did.
Neil Robinson: I think there was some confusion in what was being thought of as a one night stand. Yes. What was the confusion? How
Chris Gazdik: could there be confusion though, Neil? Yes. Go further.
Neil Robinson: So, okay. One night stand to me is you go somewhere, you hook up with someone and that’s it. Right?
Right. Simple, two people, whatever. Right? It’s one, two, but then, but then it got brought up with like friends with benefits and f buddies and like, but that’s not a one night stand. That’s not, yeah. That’s, that’s completely [00:50:00] different from, you know, ’cause a one night, like if I’m friends with someone or whatever, and we get drunk and we, you know, do it, whatever, it’s like that’s not really a one night stand that’s, that’s a one time event, but, you know, still know the person.
To me, a one night stand is I swiped whatever on Tinder and we go hook up and then they’re done. Or you go to the bar and you do that. Right. It’s, that’s a one night stand. But the rest of it is just awkward relationships.
Chris Gazdik: Awkward relationships. To say the least. I No, you, I, I did, I just, I, I don’t think there was confusion.
I think John was exasperated. I remember he looked at me and said, Chris, it’s not just one pretty, he got super excited with this because I wasn’t getting it. I was really simplifying it. To what we would think. It sounds
Adam Cloninger: like he was uncomfortable with this.
Chris Gazdik: No, I don’t think he was uncomfortable at all.
’cause we deal with it in therapy and he’s a, he’s a well-seasoned clinician. He deals all the time. But it, but, but he was exasperated because of the, I think, okay, here, here’s, lemme go back. When, when, whenever we have this sexual topic in, in [00:51:00] therapy or when we’re mixing with these types of things, of new dynamics and pornography and addiction level stuff.
I did a training on sex addiction. It’s been years ago now. I haven’t been to a good one for a little while and I think I would be re blown away again, seeing all of the dynamics and the things that are going on out in the world now in. Single land in dating world in sexuality, because back then it was starting to get to where you would use the we console.
You remember the we? Mm-hmm. They would have, you know, equipment for men and equipment for women that you would just meet people online and execute this sort of stimulation on. And now they have AI porn and now they have AI doing it for sure. Like, this is, this is personified. So I think Neil, there wasn’t confusion.
What John was really getting at is, is there isn’t just a simple one night stand theme anymore. There’s throuple, there’s multiple, [00:52:00] there’s swinging, there’s open relationships. There’s stuff that you do online.
Adam Cloninger: There isn’t a new here that’s not new. That’s, that’s not new stuff. No, that’s not new stuff.
Well, new as in 15, 20 years new. Yes, no. What do you mean? No, you don’t think there were swingers in the sixties and seventies and stuff like that? I remember
Chris Gazdik: Go, go girls in the sign and asking my dad one day in the driveway, oh, what is the go go girls dad? So yes, I know that the proliferation, Adam, is what I’m talking about, it is so much bigger and so much prevalent.
The issues have gotten so much louder and consequently destructive with all of the synthesization of this. Think about it. Alcohol has always been around just like, you know, the town whore and the prostitute and stuff has always been around as well,
Adam Cloninger: right?
Chris Gazdik: But we never really had drunkards that were really bad with alcoholism until, you know, when, until we learned how to distill alcohol.
We made liquor what made it much more potent, much more stronger. And [00:53:00] alcoholics and other people otherwise drank the crap outta this stuff. And it was causing way, way louder problems. I mean, they would try to freeze wine and, and, and make stronger liquor, but we never could. Until we learn how to do distilleries Well, this is what’s happened with sexuality.
It’s on steroids. Your local prostitute in 1732 was way different than what intensity levels we have of this stuff online. Now talking about like from just the exposure standpoint, from availability. Exposure, ease of use, multi-varied, you know, I mean just take BDSM. I don’t think they did half of the BDSM stuff that has been created nowadays in 16.
And they didn’t have AI
Adam Cloninger: and they didn’t have AR porn.
Chris Gazdik: No, they definitely didn’t have ai. Poor. So it’s just, that’s what I think Neo he was getting at is, is there’s so much more that we are dealing with in our therapy rooms and in human [00:54:00] relationships than what we ever have before. That makes it way more complicated.
Neil Robinson: Yeah, a hundred percent. But the question was on one night stands worth it. And he went off and like, and into this weird tangent, like, you just go, let’s circle back. Right.
Adam Cloninger: I guess so, so a question for you for back to both of you. I think I’d be surprised if both of you don’t know the answer to this. Do you know what the most watched episode of your show is?
We
Chris Gazdik: just did the whole review 300 episode thing, so I should know. But what do you, what do you think
Adam Cloninger: it was the one you did on porn?
Neil Robinson: It was a porn addiction.
Adam Cloninger: So, so there’s two. Yes. So there’s, so there’s two sides of this one double. Any other views? Yes. Yeah. On
Neil Robinson: YouTube, but I think a lot of ’em might be bots or something.
’cause we use the frame. So I think you can do an
Adam Cloninger: episode on
Chris Gazdik: AI porn. Ai porn. See if that really should replicates. Probably, should, will. We will do it. Well, it
Neil Robinson: technically won’t replicate, you know. N you know, AI’s just a robot. So,
Chris Gazdik: yeah. What? [00:55:00] Sorry, I missed it, but I joke and I missed it. Dang it, Adam. So
Neil Robinson: it’s okay.
Chris Gazdik: I got it. So what were you gonna say? Are you, are you done?
Neil Robinson: Go ahead.
Chris Gazdik: Here’s the, here’s the two main things that create motivation in, in, in these types of relationships. And honestly I think it’s really similar in, in full blown porn and sexual things online and whatnot, is, is that you’re really trying to go for physical pleasure or emotional needs.
It’s kind of goes around those two dynamics and physical pleasure. Ah, you know, I would honestly argue that because of the familiarity of the person and the emotional dynamics, it is not nearly as physical pleasing as somebody that you’re comfortable feeling safe and know, but still, nevertheless, you can imagine where emotional needs being met through one night stands is probably not gonna go that well.
So there’s a lot of drawback to, you know, the [00:56:00] ultimate question is this, is this worth it? Should I ask you guys just directly what you think we, we should have asked John, what do you think we would’ve tell it if, if we asked Victoria? I shouldn’t do that. I’m not gonna do that. What
Neil Robinson: do you think, Chris?
Chris Gazdik: I don’t think they’re worth it. I do not. I will land on the knot. I thought he was gonna stop
Adam Cloninger: it. I don’t,
Chris Gazdik: I don’t know. No, I just, it, there, there, there’s so much emotions that get kicked up. You know, whenever you get your close attachment with somebody and you can’t have a closer attachment than when you’re on a one night stand.
Whether you’re trying to just do a conquest, talk big about about it or not, you can’t have sex with somebody and not have emotions all involved in it. So it’s, yeah. You’re bringing a lot of pain to yourself. It, it, it is, is what I would, is what I would argue, disagree, direct answers. It just
Adam Cloninger: depends on how much alcohol’s involved and other things.
Chris Gazdik: Oh
Adam Cloninger: yeah. That’s awesome. Could get stupid. Just stupid stuff. [00:57:00] Yeah, true.
Neil Robinson: I just don’t think it’s worth it. I think there’s, there’s too much stuff tied to it and there’s too much risk to everything, whether it’s emotional, physical, or after stuff. I mean, you see a lot, I mean, my wife’s heavily afraid that as our, as our boys gets older, and heaven forbid, they, they have a conquest, and then now of a sudden that person now has regrets, hate conquest, a conquest.
She used the term conquest. So I just kind of, I did, it was me. But the idea is like, you know, you as a guy, it’s hard for, it’s hard for, you know, to trust what’s going on. Because after the fact is now the lady, the girl regrets it, and now they try to, you know, accuse you of something that. Didn’t happen.
Right? That’s Oh yeah. Is is it really worth the risk just that that happened? That’s scary. That just happened. That’s, that’s the reality, right? If, if you go and you do something, and I know you guys talked about it goes both ways, right? You know, a, a guy could claim, you know, assault. Yeah. Yeah. But in reality, the biggest thing you see is that, you know, if something happens and the girl regrets it, her first response is because she doesn’t wanna deal with the shame of having a one eye stand.
She goes, oh, [00:58:00] I got taken advantage of
Adam Cloninger: Yep. Day rape.
Neil Robinson: And, and then because of those people who do it, because those that make those, then it, it waters down those that actually deal with the assault and stuff like that. So it’s, it’s really just a risky, risky process. And it’s just, I just, I don’t think it’s worth it.
Like you said, it, it’s so much better if you actually have a relationship with the person. There’s more to it, there’s less baggage tied to it. You have, there’s so many, there’s so many positive actually having a relationship. Mm-hmm. Versus the one
Chris Gazdik: night. I don’t think that I’m making this up. I think I saw it somewhere.
Listeners, you’d need to check the numbers, I guess, and ask chat, GBT Adam, if I’m correct. The the fact is our, there’s, you know, the, the, the climax rates with one night stands are much lower. Like, you don’t even finish it. It, you know, because you just, you’re in your head half the time. I, I don’t, I don’t, I, I see people with exploding insecurities about all this kind of stuff.
Shoot, you know, so many people have a hard time, you know, with performance, anxiety and whatnot with people they do know and feel safe and comfortable with. Let alone, can you imagine how much [00:59:00] more when you don’t know this person? Just, you know, there’s a lot there. And, and, and the goal, honestly, you know, if you’re, if you’re just pleasure seeking, which is fine, you have a casual relationship, friends with benefits as John, wasn’t it funny to hear him say, fuck buddy.
Neil Robinson: That was really, is that what he said? He, he actually used it at first. He is like F buddies. Then he actually said it. It is like, was
Chris Gazdik: like, he just,
Neil Robinson: have you heard him cuss very
Adam Cloninger: often?
Chris Gazdik: No. Hell no. He don’t curse. Okay. It’s, I’ve got the potty mouth of the agency, but actually Victoria does, but that’s okay.
Oh, Victoria does have me beat. You’re right. Yeah. You’re so right. Yeah. We gotta clean her after up, man. No, I’m just kidding. Just kidding. But I mean, you know, if you, if you just have casual sex and you think that that is morally and ethically fine in your life, okay, fine. I’m not gonna begrudge that. And we don’t do that in therapy circles, but I gotta suggest again that you are not coming at this without your body insecurities.
Body image and confidence, self-confidence, self-esteem, all of those things are [01:00:00] all wildly in doubt whenever you get close to somebody. So, you know, it just blocks the pleasure. So, you know, that’s, and I’m not speaking just to men, you’d think that, that men would need to hear that the way we speak about bravado with this kind of thing, you know?
And not just when we’re young people do this when we’re older too, right? Mm-hmm. Like talk a big game and it’s just like, man, it’s don’t buy in, don’t drink the Kool-Aid. And then I thought this was an interesting thing. Did, we didn’t talk about this on the show, I don’t think at all. Neil, did we where I, I posed the question, or maybe we didn’t have enough time to really focus on what sex means to you.
Neil Robinson: I’m gonna counter it. Could we kick that around you? You brought it up at the end and, and I was talking to my wife about this and, and I want to counter that question with another question that you should ask yourself.
Chris Gazdik: Interesting.
Neil Robinson: It’s not what does sex mean to you, but what do you want sex to mean to you?
Because what sex means to you is based on history and all the other stuff we talked about. Like if you’ve had past assaults or past traumas, what sex means to you is, [01:01:00] oh, this is the only way I’m getting attention. This is the only way, blah, blah, blah. So is the question, what does it mean? Or what do you want it to mean to you?
Because then that changes the whole perspective, right? If you want a close relationship and have a good experience with someone, you know, do you, what do you want the sex to be like? And I think that’s the big shift is like you think about what does it mean and what do you want it to mean? Absolutely.
Because that’s where you transition to that next step. Because once again, I thought it was interesting that if you go to have one eye stand and that person has baggage or trauma, you’re just re inflicting on them and not knowing what’s going on. You don’t even know. And so in their case. That’s to them what they think that is sex, right?
It’s, it’s just the physical, physical connection. It’s just the physical reaction. But is that what they really want? Do they really want, and just to
Chris Gazdik: reinforce that, Neil, we know that sexual survivors go one of two directions. They really become asexual and just don’t want to have anything to do with it.
It disgusts them or, yeah, they’re very sexual and promiscuity is a major issue.
Neil Robinson: Yeah.
Chris Gazdik: [01:02:00] Right. And to that end, you’re right. Do they, do they really want that or not? Are they just acting out, you know, horrible, horrific traumas that they’ve, it it’s
Neil Robinson: like the alcoholic kids who either they go completely sober, it is like, don’t touch it, or they follow in the same footpaths, right?
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Really? Do you find that that middle ground, unless they’ve either one genetically there’s some anomaly or they’ve taken the time to actually adjust and address their problems? Right.
Chris Gazdik: I think it’s a good, it’s a good additional question, Neil, for sure. Like, I, I love the addition to that, but I mean the, the, the, the, the thing here that really is, I think highlighting when you’re asking that question, what does sex mean to me?
It, it naturally leads what you know, what do you not want it to be? And, and then what do you want it to be? Because I think a lot of times people can’t really answer that question. I. You know, they, they really struggle because they haven’t really thought about it. It’s just a natural thing that you do and you get people’s attention, or [01:03:00] this is just the natural step.
You’ve been texting with somebody, you hug them, and you kiss them on the first date. That’s just what it is. I, I don’t think people process it to be honest with you. Quite, quite as much. Right. So, you also had a, a thought that I wanted to add when we turned the mics off. Do you remember what that was?
Neil Robinson: Yeah. So you do okay. Also, yeah. Yeah. The, the other part that, because my wife brought this up too the other day, is like they were doing some research based on like marriage rates or successful marriages, and they found that, you know, people who have multiple partners, like more than five, they tend to have either lower marriage rate or a less successful marriage rate, right?
A higher
Chris Gazdik: divorce rate with people that have had five or more partners or or lack saying of lack
Neil Robinson: of marriage. I think there’s actually even a lower marriage rate on top of that. So not only divorces, they not getting married, right.
Chris Gazdik: Or getting divorced more commonly, if you have a partners body count, that’s what we call it.
Right. You used to call it a head count or body count. Your number of partners being above five.
Neil Robinson: Yeah. That’s one of those kind of things that there, and, and they’re still, once again, you have to look at the studies and the [01:04:00] variables and there’s, but that is one of those things, you start to see some commonalities, right.
As you, as you get those things up there. It’s like, are you, are you, you know, are you, there’s a lot of, I think there’s a lot of stuff when it comes to the more the body count and then you try to settle. There’s a lot of, you know, do you have, like, I think we talked about self-esteem, right? You know, do you feel like you’re worth having a long-term marriage or is it just, do you not want to settle or, you know, you a sex partner.
There’s a lot of stuff. You know, it’s interesting
Chris Gazdik: because, let me get this out Adam real quick. ’cause it’s, that’s fascinating. And, and, and the reason why I say that’s fascinating is I think that I’m correct in saying, because this sounds like a really low number and a high bar, like five people that you have sex with is a low number.
I think the average is like somewhere around seven to 10 people. And and. So it seems like a lot of people get divorces and stuff is what I’m listening to you there, Neil. And but what’s the divorce rate? And in fact is people, we have a lot of this, so Yeah, that’s fascinating. Under five people [01:05:00] has much better recidivism rates for marriage and stuff.
Neil Robinson: Please look up this research. Do not follow our numbers. It could be six to nine, it could be 10 and higher, I don’t know. Correct. Correct. But it is one of those things that to it is an interesting study and research.
Adam Cloninger: What are you thinking? I was just thinking like, is it kinda like Larry King, you know, just been married seven times, you know, been married four times.
Ah, heck, I’ll get around married five times. His buddy count. Ah, there’s six count. His buddy count
Chris Gazdik: must be 167. No, I just meant
Adam Cloninger: for, I wasn’t talking about even for sex. I just talking about, you know, he’s been married and divorced so many times, like no big deal. So next time just I, I wonder if that’s kind of what he was getting at, but
Chris Gazdik: I,
Adam Cloninger: I
Chris Gazdik: probably, I think it’s like something like a 50% rate.
If the first one is the second time you have like a 60% chance of getting divorced. I don’t know what Larry King’s chances of his next divorce are. Probably like 97.5%. Here’s,
Adam Cloninger: here’s a, a factor to think about. Numbers are skewed because people lie. That’s probably true. So do they
Neil Robinson: really only have six [01:06:00] partners or 10 partners?
I mean,
Adam Cloninger: only think about, okay, you’re on the street interview and you stop a man and woman. How many six partners. As you’re, as you’re with your like, yeah, your boyfriend three or something like that. Yeah. So
Chris Gazdik: yeah, people definitely are reporting as a major issue when it comes to this, and I think when we’re doing research, we control for that.
So we, you know, kind of get,
Adam Cloninger: get ’em by themself.
Chris Gazdik: Yeah. We, we, yeah. I’m sure that there’s, there’s controls for that type of thing. ’cause the, the numbers are so consistent is what I’ve seen from different.
Adam Cloninger: So you’ve seen this five also, then you’re saying or not?
Chris Gazdik: No. I, no, five seems like a low number. I, I, I, I have not seen what Neil’s talking about at all.
Be that’s new information. It could be skewed that that’s new information. Yes. But the information is not as your body count being, you know, single digits, 7, 8, 9 kind of thing. But, and then what happens with different divorce rates and stuff, but I don’t know. Yeah. Bottom line, I think we talk a big game, you know, in, in the world around one night stands and stuff and they are least to be desired is probably the solid landing spot that we had.
[01:07:00] I think it’s about time to get outta here for the month in review. Closing thoughts, comments? I think that we had a little disorganized show plan this, this last month. Maybe we will try to tighten it up next month.
Neil Robinson: It was pretty good. I mean, it was kind of all over the place, but you know, maybe next month, we’ll, yeah, maybe we’ll do more of a ’cause lot.
The previous month was really, really tight. You had like each one build on each other. So
Chris Gazdik: I think it’s tough when we have guests and we’re actually gonna start off next week. Little advertisement for the show. We have Jacob, I have a physical trainer now. Don’t laugh at me. Okay? Don’t, don’t you talk guys.
Don’t laugh at me. And Adam, you start laughing on the inside too. I’m very insecure about this. I have a personal trainer. I know it doesn’t look like it, but I do that joke all the time with my clients too. They look at me the same. Hey, he did
Neil Robinson: 30 pushups one day.
Chris Gazdik: Hey? Yeah, man. 35. Anyway. No. He’s gonna challenge me, isn’t he?
I can do it, man. I, I, Jacob Hoyle is gonna be hanging out with us next week and we’re gonna be talking about men’s health and I don’t know all the topic that’s going with that, but I’m excited to have him on [01:08:00] ’cause he’s really pretty t about nutrition as well as physical health. And so, you know, we’re gonna start off the, the month that week.
So closing thoughts. Adam’s good to have you back. We’ll see you next week. I hope. I pray. I see next week, next month. Yeah. Hey, you can come back next week if you want. You can hang out with Jake and I won’t be here next week. You won’t be here next week. No, I won’t be here next week. Alright guys, we’ll get us outta here man.