In this episode we talk about why parenting today feels harder than ever—and why it’s less about discipline and more about emotional overload. Kids are exposed to adult information, conflict, fear, and stress long before they’re emotionally ready, while parents are trying to keep up in the same nonstop digital world. This episode explains how too much information without emotional support can lead to anxiety and dysregulation for both children and parents. Instead of trying to block everything, we reframe parenting as helping slow things down, add context, and translate emotions so kids can safely understand what they’re seeing. Through practical questions for parents, we focus on the core challenge of modern parenting: not just teaching children what to know, but helping them learn how to feel and regulate in an overwhelming world.
Tune in to see Parenting in the Information Age Through a Therapist’s Eyes.
Think about these three questions as you listen:
- How has the information age changed what it means to be a parent?
- Are children today receiving too much information before they have the emotional structure to process it?
- How do parents regulate themselves emotionally while raising children in a nonstop digital world?
Links referenced during the show:
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC6567079
https://www.throughatherapistseyes.com/category/podcasts/marriageandfamily
https://www.throughatherapistseyes.com/category/podcasts/anxietyanddepression/parenting
Intro Music by Reid Ferguson – https://reidtferguson.com/
@reidtferguson – https://www.instagram.com/reidtferguson/
https://www.facebook.com/reidtferguson
https://open.spotify.com/artist/3isWD3wykFcLXPUmBzpJxg
Audio Podcast Version Only
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Episode #340 Transcription
Chris (00:02) Hello, this is Through a Therapist's Eyes and I am Chris Gazdig, your host, and we are hitting today on January the 15th, episode 340, 340. We're gonna be talking about parenting, but we're gonna be doing it in a way that is incorporating my personal favorite topic nowadays, because I think it's so important. Sorry if I'm annoying people with it, but we're talking about it because it's huge, the information age and how all the technology stuff is affecting us, and honestly, I'm really excited about this conversation because I feel like, I've really begun to think about it lately, like the area of parenting, the parent-child relationship, quite possibly may be the loudest areas that we see how technology is really affecting our mental health. And I see Casey's head just banging, man. We got Casey Morgan hanging out with us. How are you, ma'am? Victoria (00:38) you Kasie (00:56) Hi, doing well, glad to be here. Chris (00:58) And Miss Victoria Pendergrass. Victoria (01:01) Bye! Chris (01:03) And Mr. Neil is behind the curtain ⁓ doing everything to make this thing work. We appreciate Neil the mostest. So what is this? This is Through Therapy Sides where you get information, insights, personal time in your car or at home knowing it's not delivery of therapy services in any way. We have three questions I want you to think about as we go through the show today. How has the information age changed what it means to be a parent? And if you don't think it has, by the end of this show, you will know that it has. I will make that bold statement. Second, are children today receiving too much information before they have the emotional structure to process it? I'll give you another blaring bold statement. If you think that's no, by the end of the show, you will know that it is. Hey, that rhymes, Casey. What about that? Victoria (01:58) you Kasie (02:01) Yeah, your potent didn't know it. Chris (02:03) Didn't know it, dang it, killing it. Listen, third question, how do parents regulate themselves emotionally? That twists the tables a little bit, right? While raising children in a nonstop digital world, how do parents regulate ourselves? Those are really huge and important questions. All right, before we go much further, we have a little celebration to do. We have YouTube subscribers. Victoria, you're good about click. Victoria (02:27) Yay! What? ⁓ snap, snap. We do them at the same time. don't... Same time. Chris (02:35) S.B. coordinated? Okay, cool. We have two new subscribers, Kathrick C.S. and Ja-Isaac Smoke. And I love that. Literally, we got two this week and we're pushing. Guys, listen, our job is to prevent, present to you some information about substance abuse, mental health. Hopefully entertain you a little bit along the way. Your job is to give us five stars. John's not gonna be with us today because he had some family stuff he needed to attend to. He always makes sure that you give us five stars, but really we're asking for YouTube subscribers. Please tell a friend. Victoria (02:38) I mean. Chris (03:05) Okay, we do the show. We need you to do your part, which is tell a friend and click the little subscribe button. It makes a big difference. It makes a big deal. We're really trying to push this year to get that done. We need to get to a thousand. Contact it through atherapistize.com is the way to follow us, interact with us. We do YouTube lives quarter after about 6.30 or so, and that helps us to interact with you. It's a great way to type in and... So find us on YouTube otherwise we're on all the podcast stuff. Hey Victoria, what is this? The human what? Victoria (03:37) emotional experience that we endeavor to figure out together. Chris (03:39) And yes, I didn't even have to say it this time today. Love that. Just keeping these guys on their toes, everybody. So like I said, this is gonna be a cool show, I feel like. I do show prep sometimes and to honest with you, sometimes I'm kinda like, ⁓ you know, that'll be cool. That'll be fun. But sometimes like tonight, I'm kinda like, wow, we got some good stuff to really get to. We've got an important topic that I've even told some clients about. I hope you're tuning in. to see and hear because there's gonna be a lot of things ⁓ that I challenge you with. As a matter of fact, I'm gonna be bold. Here in a little bit. Yes, ma'am. Victoria (04:22) No, Sorry. I'm sorry. I forgot to mute myself. Chris (04:27) Clearly, you do that a lot, dear. I am going to be bold and make a statement in the show today that I have been frankly afraid to make. So stay tuned to this. Alright, what do you guys think? What do you guys think? Just broadly, man. Parenting in the information age. Kasie (04:41) Hmm. Yeah, well I definitely think you have to inform yourself, educate yourself about it because your children are going to get an education around it either from you or from their friends or from other people. So I definitely think that you have to know what's out there, know what's going on and know how to stay informed and stay on top of Victoria (05:06) Okay. Kasie (05:18) how to help your kids regulate their emotions through things like technology. Chris (05:25) You know what's Casey? I'm listening to you and I'm kind of like, I agree with everything you just said. I think we adults need to regulate first. I don't know, gosh man. We're not managing our emotions well with this and we're supposed to be parents, teach our kids how to do that. That's kind of what I'm thinking about. Kasie (05:33) Mm. Right? Check yourself before you wreck yourself. Victoria (05:44) Yeah. Yeah, most of the time, most of the time I see with kids, with kids, I see that a lot of like, stuff with them is because their own parents like, don't know how to regulate their emotions. So then yeah, they like don't know how to teach, or they don't know how to help guide their kids, because they haven't learned how to do it first. Or they are at least are working on it. I mean, I'm not saying everybody's perfect, but. Chris (05:47) What do you hear, Victoria? No, yeah, absolutely, Victoria. I mean, the thing is, is my goodness gracious, you know, it gets so, so complicated to process the way that you feel when you're getting barraged by information and data and, I mean, it's tracking you. We make jokes, but this stuff is just all over the place. And the more that I talk about it in sessions, the more that I talk about it on this platform, the more that I think about it, the more applications I find with it. And honestly, parenting. is one of the biggest areas that seems to be loudest. ⁓ And I think as we go through you'll see kind of why. Kasie (06:49) But I wanna give us a break here as parents, and this is why. I if you really think about it, I have no problem talking about my age, but I'm gonna be 43 years old. And I had my first smartphone when I was 22 years old. So really, anybody older than me did not have parents that grew up in an age where... there was modeling for us to know how to parent through the technology age. So my parents didn't have a cell phone. So everything that I'm learning to do from a parenting perspective around usage and the implications of technology usage and my own regulation and my children's regulation is something that we're learning almost trial by fire as new and more things come about. So let's give some grace here and say, this is not, to say that everybody's just doing it wrong, it's just to say it's something that needs attention. Chris (07:52) Yes, for sure. You know what's funny, ⁓ Casey, when we talk about parenting on this show, one of the things I really like to stamp out as best as we can is parent guilt. It's a horrible, horrible thing that society does anyway. If you don't have kids, you got an opinion about how to raise them. And if you have kids, you know the best way to raise them because you've been there and you've done that, right? People are so opinionated, people are so bashing of other people about being a parent. And so I really appreciate you saying that. And, and I am growingly concerned because there are very real and dramatic implications that we're talking about here in this dynamic parent-child relationship. And I don't want to feel like we're saying anybody's doing it wrong. So I'm really glad you said that off the front end. But also I want to impress. These are pretty important things that how else do you say we might be causing trouble and don't know it as a humanity level thing. Kasie (09:09) Yeah. Well, I mean, and if you know better, you do better, right? Like that's the thing is when you know better, you do better. Yeah. Victoria (09:13) Mm-hmm. Chris (09:14) Right. Love that. Love that. That's, yeah, that's on point. Victoria (09:20) Yeah, I tell my clients something very similar. I say, you don't know what you don't know, but once you do know, then you can act accordingly. Kasie (09:29) Mm-hmm. And GI Joe says knowing is half the battle. That's what GI Joe used to say. Yeah. Chris (09:32) And I think we're driving too much. Yeah, Joe, love that, Casey. But you know, and I think what drives me nuts is I still feel like to a certain extent in humanity, like, we don't even know that we need to be talking about this. Let me think about that. We don't even realize that we need to be talking about it. So how can we become knowledgeable about it to really begin to make informed decisions about how we go about this? Frankly again, I feel like our field it needs to be in the forefront of this stuff and I don't know guys gals I don't hear anybody really talking about it in our field Nearly enough if really at all in some ways. Am I wrong curious what you two think about that? Am I wrong? Kasie (10:20) No, I definitely don't think you're wrong. And I think there's so many systems that are at play in a child's life that tap into the experiences of kids with technology, even from a young age. I can think back, even going to school, that we had these computer labs, right? And so the only time you would have access to technology is when it was your class's day. Chris (10:44) I remember that a little bit too. Yeah. Kasie (10:44) to go to the computer lab and you would do like some math problems on the green screen and then play Oregon Trail and then go back to your classroom. And that was the interaction, right? But now you're putting kindergartners on iPads or Chromebooks and having them do assessments and everything else. And so, you know, you have the school system that's at play here. You have all different kinds of systems, like even going to check in at the doctor's office or going to pick up groceries now or going. Chris (10:56) Right. Kasie (11:14) to regular service providers. It's all electronic and so the interface of technology is everywhere and so I don't think our field is really heating the charge on this but I also think that we have a lot of other services that have to get informed as well to kind of help bridge some of the charge that kind of comes this way too. Chris (11:18) It's everywhere. Victoria (11:35) Thank Well yeah, and I think that like, that there's... ⁓ Chris (11:39) Just to emphasize, Victoria (11:45) there's things that we don't even have to leave our home for. like, there's not, think I was, I lost my track, thought for a second. But I was gonna say that there's also no studies or anything that's my knowledge that are being able to keep up with things so that we can see the effects of all the stuff that Casey was talking and mentioning about because... ⁓ It's all like hypothetical or what we think in our like professional opinion or you know what we've seen through our own clients or you know, whatever, but there's not like evidence, a lot of evidence based work out there that like can show us like, hey, this is really bad for your kid or like this is really good for your kid or like, you know, whatever. Chris (12:35) Yeah, Victoria, you're absolutely on point. I was screaming over here non-verbally because it's happening so fast that we can't study it. We don't have science here. Because it's so fast, we only have clinicians' anecdotal experience and what we know in depth about emotions and relationships and internal psychological process and such. We're going to get it studied. Kasie (13:03) Yeah. Chris (13:05) But this is happening yesterday. Kasie (13:08) But the truth is, is we do have science to support a lot of this. It's just, it's, we do. It's just not specifically naming what the stimulus is. We have a ton of neuroscience about the feedback loop of the body and the nervous system of what happens when you're introduced to a stimuli and the dopamine in the brain and the metacognition of a person that's continuing across the continuum when it is activation at the neurological and ⁓ central nervous system level. So we do know that this is having impact on a nervous system and it is impacting the brain. So there is science around it. Chris (13:21) Okay, yeah. Kasie (13:47) think the part of the issue that I see around it is that we want our cake and eat it too, right? Like we want to be informed. We want to help our children. We want to help adults understand the regulations around, you know, over usage of technology. But to be honest, I overuse technology myself, you know? And so... Chris (14:14) Right, Kasie (14:14) So it's almost like Chris (14:14) right, right. Kasie (14:15) the pot calling the kettle, right? So we don't want to explore too far into it because then we're going to expose things that we also are doing. Victoria (14:21) You either. Chris (14:26) couldn't. Thank you. You're right. We do have science and our own behavior is very much in question. The science that we have even neurologically though is still very much lacking. I'll point that out in my opinion because the neurological and the endocrine system are the two systems in our body that are really, really dynamic and how much we know about it, I think we know that we need to know a whole lot more. You know? Yeah. Kasie (14:51) Mm-hmm. Victoria (14:52) you Chris (14:54) Don't get me going on my neurology clinics that I've gone to, but let's get in if we already have already a little bit. So much to get to. Gosh, we might want to do this in part number two next week. I mean, honestly, I have pulled that audible before, so let's not try to rush. We might be able to do that, to be honest with you. So let's try to get to some stuff that's not right here. Victoria (15:16) Okay, pause, pause. Does someone have church bells going off in their background? Or a clock? Kasie (15:21) I think it's a clock. Chris (15:23) That would be my grandfather clock. It's a lovely thing. Is that disruptive? All right, you guys will tell me off the air. Victoria (15:29) No, I just didn't want to make sure I was I was thought I was going crazy I mean Kasie (15:33) Yeah. Chris (15:33) You are. You are. I mean, you are. Alright, in every other era of humanity, if you think about this statement, I think this is a big statement that can get us to really think about what's happening throughout the eras of humanity until this information era. Children learned about their world with very key and important characteristics that are radically changed now. The question is simply, How do these changes affect children and our parent-child relationships? They used to learn slowly. They used to learn locally. And they really used to learn relationally. So you think about that. Until things sped up so fast, yeah, the automobile sped us up a lot. information through television. and radio sped us up a lot, but those technologies were kind of slower in developing. Certainly prior to television, people learned wicked slow, and there was nothing that you knew until a letter came from far away. You learned only from your local school teacher who lived down the road, and that wasn't different in 1846, 1746, 1546, and so on. Right? and they learned relationally really through a specific person or a handful of persons that really had a relational element with them that they were gaining information. Now, it happens so fast, it happens from anywhere in the world, and you typically do not have a relationship with the people you're learning stuff from. Like, wow. Wow. How does that affect us? Victoria (17:09) I want it. Kasie (17:19) Mm-hmm. Well, I think in some ways it affects us negatively, Like it's too much, too fast and too overloading. But in some ways we've been able to ⁓ relearn things from a varied perspective that maybe was kind of ⁓ watered down, changed or altered to benefit the person or the group of people or the culture that we lived in for the time. So there are... Victoria (17:54) Thank Kasie (17:57) definitely negatives about that, right? Like about how fast it comes now. But sometimes there are some positives as well. Like we're getting actual real information that a lot of times, know, depending on the source, obviously, is very factual based and not ethnocentric or eco-centric to wherever we're living, you know? And I think that it has expanded the world for parts of the population. Victoria (18:05) Thank Kasie (18:27) that typically would not be able to get to some of the locations or some of the areas or to learn about like the non-Western world if you're living in America. Chris (18:38) Yeah, it's funny Casey, yeah. I'm vibing with you in a way that's interesting tonight because you want to point out these positives. Yes, I know! I'm not gonna disagree with any of them, I think. Kasie (18:52) Well, I mean... Well, I will tell, I'll give you an example, okay? I used to teach school. I used to teach school for six years before I became a therapist, right? I was a school teacher. And I taught at that time what was called resource classes. So it's for special needs children. And I taught resource English and resource math. And in my class, the eighth graders had to take the state writing test, okay? And. Chris (18:58) Okay. you would be the coolest school teacher ever. Okay. Kasie (19:19) The state writing test, the prompt that year, and this was before we had personal devices and computers and all that stuff in the classroom. The state writing prompt was about writing a position paper on whether you would want to take a vacation in the mountains or the beach. Guess where my kids had never been before? The mountains nor the beach. Victoria (19:23) Thank Alright. Chris (19:37) sadly, the beach. Kasie (19:42) So they had no information, nothing relationally, no one locally that was really teaching them about the mountains and the beach on a specific level to where they could write a position paper about where they would like to visit. Victoria (19:51) You Chris (19:57) And let me just add a context to what you're saying so the people around the world that listen to this will understand. We happen to live in a place that is literally cool in that you travel, you know, three hours to the east, you'll be at the beach, but if you travel three hours to the west, you'll be in the Appalachian Mountains. So it is a reasonable question for this area specifically, but even in this area, Casey, you're pointing out the fact is you don't have info about it. Victoria (20:01) you ⁓ Kasie (20:17) Mm-hmm. Right, so now kids can virtually see and be able to not have the same like felt experiences as if they were to travel there, but they at least have points of references now because of the advancement in technology to be able to access the photos and videos and all of those things to create sometimes a virtual experience that can assist in the assimilation of education and information and help people feel better, yeah. Chris (20:57) It's interesting man because... You watched the movie Good Will Hunting Casey? Awesome movie. Awesome movie. I loved Robin Williams in that show. And Matt Damon was a troubled kid who was an angry hothead who was wicked brilliant smart with math and he was working with Robin his therapist. And do remember them sitting on the bench? You remember that scene? You know where I'm going? So how does that incorporate to what you're saying? Tell the audience what I'm getting at and how it incorporates. Kasie (21:16) Mm-hmm. Well, go ahead and go with the scene so that you can. ⁓ Chris (21:28) So, okay, so he's sitting on the bench and Matt is a smart ass basically. He's a brilliant kid, but he's a tough kid and he's trying to tell the therapist, hey, I know what you are talking about. I know this, I know that. I'm okay, I'm secure. I know what I'm talking about. And Robin nails him, right? He nails him and he gets him real and he gets him to understand. that there are things that he hasn't experienced and he doesn't know and he can't know because he hasn't been there and he said, do you know anything about the Eiffel Tower? And of course he said, well yeah, the Eiffel Tower. said, Francis, and Paris, it's got this thing, does this, it this. I mean, he probably could give him like the dynamic ⁓ figures of how much poundage of steel was in the Eiffel Tower. But Robin looked at him and he remembered Casey, he's like, well you haven't been there though, have you? You know. In fact, you haven't been anywhere out of this borough, have you? Well, no. Kasie (22:12) Mm-hmm. Chris (22:22) then you haven't really experienced the things that we're talking about. So you couldn't possibly understand the marveled beauty of the ivory tower sitting in front of you and what that must be like to have built and to walk in and feel and touch and see and like, wow. And I can tell you, I just went to the Grand Canyon. I knew what the Grand Canyon is. I did that for Christmas. It is an absolute majestic thing that I had no idea. how to conceptualize until I was in the helicopter and I really didn't have an idea until I was standing on the ledge looking down this thing. It's crazy. So what are we learning? Kasie (22:59) Yeah. Victoria (23:01) Well, I mean, you could say that for anything though, couldn't you? Like even like an elephant, right? It's one thing to know that an elephant weighs a ton or whatever, and to know mathematically what that might be. Or it's one thing to see a picture of someone standing next to an elephant or go to his zoo and see an elephant. But then it's another thing to literally you be the person that's standing beside the elephant to get that full image of like what it's like. Chris (23:30) Yeah. Victoria (23:30) and how big they are and how majestic they are and how cool they are or whatever. Like you could say that for anything, right? Or most things. Chris (23:38) Yeah, absolutely. Kasie (23:39) Well, I guess all I was trying to say, yeah, all I was really trying to point out was that I think technology can help us bridge gaps and with kids especially, because they don't have control over circumstances. You know, they don't have control whether or not, yeah, they don't have control whether or not they get these experiences from this early age and things like that. so, you know, technology, from my perspective, one of the positives, as Chris would like to say, I'm pointing out here, is it does at least bring viable virtual experiences Victoria (23:52) Well yeah, no, I definitely agree with you, KC. Kasie (24:09) to anyone, but in particularly because we're talking about children, it can bring viable virtual experiences to kids that they may not necessarily have or ever have in their life. I mean, I'm never gonna go into space, but I can see a lot of what space looks like based on the interfaces of how I use technology. Chris (24:29) Yeah, well, can we though? I mean, look how much discussion we have about just one line of our show prep, by the way, right? Like, in every other era of humanity, children learned about the world slowly, locally, and relationally. And I'm listening to us and I'm thinking, what is it to say that the entire elementary, middle, and high school experience is done on a virtual computer? Does that not say I have studied, learned, worked with, and understood the Grand Canyon through a video link up that somebody there is showing me? Do we have the same or a very different good or bad learning of something that we've not touched? We learn slowly. Kasie (25:18) Yeah, it's definitely different. Victoria (25:20) Yeah, she's not saying that it's the same. She's just saying that it's bridging the gap between people who are not able to like those kids who had literally never been to the beach and never been to the mountains. So like, I kind of been interested in wondering like what their answers were on that test, because it's like, if you've never been to either. But yes, if you've at least seen if you've been on Instagram, and you've seen pictures or you've been Kasie (25:23) Yeah, it's definitely different. Victoria (25:48) You know, you've done virtual reality where it's almost like you're standing in the sand, like at the beach. Like you're going to be able to contribute more to that answer and be able to like dictate, okay, well I want to go to the mountains versus the beach because of those things. She's not saying that it's the same Chris. Chris (26:00) man. Yeah, no Victoria and I agree with you, but you know I'm sitting there listening to you and I'm thinking wow this is even going to get more involved because you're right you just said virtual reality we are going to have virtual reality experiences where we're standing in a room and it looks like the beach but it's not the beach. What does that mean for us? Kasie (26:23) Right. It's not Victoria (26:24) No, I mean... Kasie (26:25) the other thing that I would point out about some of this too is that yes, I agree. Like firsthand experience is going to be the best way like to relate to something. to put your hands on it, to understand it, to really get it. Like, I'll never forget when I stood outside the Vietnam Memorial, right? Or I went and saw the Enola Gay and went through the experience of going through the Holocaust Museum. Like that's a real living experience, right? Like those experiences have a different meaning and context to them. But I think the thing that I do appreciate about... Chris (26:45) ⁓ yeah. Kasie (27:01) the information even though it can be overloaded and that is the part that we want to get to obviously with tonight's show is that, you know, we also have to be careful about who relationally is giving information to our children. You know, and that's in person and also through technology, right? Because the influence of some people that are relationally in context of our kids and what they tell them is going to make a big impact on them as well as what they're accessing through technology. And so it's very important because we learned long ago that sometimes what people have informed us of, like even in history books that are now, you know, no longer published and things Chris (27:20) Right? Kasie (27:45) like that or encyclopedias that are out of date and things like that, we know that some of that information while it was passed down from generations wasn't exactly correct. And so we have to be careful in how information gets to our children in general. Is it correct information? Is it information that we want them to have? Are they prepared for it? Are they emotionally ready? Which is what I think your topic is really trying to focus on. Are they ready to receive information and have access to things that they may not be prepared to process as a child? Chris (28:23) Yeah, that's a lot of it. A lot of that is super well said. ⁓ for sure. ⁓ you know, it's, know that we are all feeling as a human race, more isolated now a days that the age of isolation is another way we can say the age of information. And, you know, it's like, I, I remember when I was a parent in the active parenting roles, Casey, you know, I've I love to talk about the best conversations I've ever had about parenting or the ones that I've had on the ball fields because I'm looking at other parents in the same boat and I'm feeling so alone. I'm feeling so by myself. I'm feeling like, wow, all these parents are doing these wonderful things. And we know they post their parents report cards with straight A's. They post their stories of their kids that done these wonderful things to their neighbors and all of the baptisms and the bar mitzvahs that they're doing. You know, it's like, wow, I suck, my kid's crazy. Until, until, I, I, I. Kasie (29:22) He is not. I love him. Chris (29:27) I know you love him and he loves you too, Casey. But both of Victoria (29:29) Okay. Chris (29:31) my kids are crazy and both of them are loved. But those conversations on the baseball field gave me grounding because I was looking face to face with another parent who affirmed, yeah, my kid's crazy too. You know, we leave towels all over the place. know, ⁓ they're told 10 times to get up out of bed. like, wow, yeah, I'm only at five. I must be good, right? But you have this experience online where we're death scrolling and comparing. and feeling guilty and then we're literally getting shamed by society telling us we're doing it wrong as you started us off very adeptly today avoiding like it's you know it's it's a lot happening real fast and and and we neurologically as you point out have a hard time keeping up with it you know we're we're exposing kids constantly without intending to with adult information Victoria (30:23) Thank Chris (30:27) you know, adult conflicts. They read what you post intently. They see the neighborhood. What is it? The neighborhood chat things that... What is it? Kasie (30:37) Facebook page, yeah. Like the neighborhood Facebook page, the group. Chris (30:42) Yeah, of your specific neighborhood though, right? Yeah, it's like they see your adult level fear, your adult sexuality. My gosh, they're seeing those pictures. They're seeing all of this stuff that is political outrage. You see, you know, the Charlie Kirk murder and you're five. And you're logging on yourself at 10 to do this. It's before they have that regulative ability. Kasie (30:44) Yeah. Chris (31:12) before they have that coping, before they have the development, they really don't even have that neurological system, Casey. And I'm just developing really, really large level concerns about this. So yeah, we're raising children in an environment where the nervous systems were never designed for that speed, that depth, that non-relational learning. And somehow these kids are doing it. I'm curious how they're doing it. Kasie (31:38) resilience. Chris (31:39) You love that. Victoria (31:40) Yeah, we already know that kids are more resilient than adults anyways. Chris (31:45) So what do mean, Casey? That's a wonderful word and I have lot of, lot of, lot of hope with Generation Z is what we call Kasie (31:55) Yeah, well, I I definitely think that kids, kids are, they are more resilient, but too, I think because they were kind of born into it, you know, it's almost like an evolution or an adaptation of a person in their brain, you know, like they're kind of born into this, they're exposed to it early, they get taught about different things, about, you know, access and exposure and. Things like that doesn't mean that they're not exposed. As we know, children are often exposed to adult content all the time, whether it be that list that you just gave or things that they've researched on their own. But they bounce back quicker from it. Like a lot of times what we think a child may find very disturbing is not as sensational or as disturbing to them because they've been flooded with content. Now it doesn't make it good, right? Like here's one area that I'll tell you is not positive. It doesn't make it good, but it makes it what it is. They are almost desensitized to a lot of what is going on in those environments, you know? Because they're inundated with it. So they're pretty much desensitized to a lot of the things that we find appalling because we weren't exposed to these things as children. Victoria (33:02) Hello, how are you? Chris (33:02) pretty mummed out. Yeah, it is a major adaptation and what's interesting about that, I think it's going to play out. I see this in my own children. They're definitely in the Gen Z world and I think I see this in some of my clients talking about, you know, like the younger parents, Victoria, I'll be wickedly interested to see what that guy's doing on your back. No, I'm just kidding. With that guy who's on your back, know, Lucas, in the next 10 years, I really... Victoria (33:30) Thank huh. Chris (33:44) forward to conversations about the next 10 years of your son's development. Because he's in the middle of this. And what I'm finding, what I'm... Victoria (33:48) yeah. Yeah, you mean the kid that already knows how to like pretty much use my phone? Not because I like, yeah, I mean, he just like picks it up and like can do things. I'm like, how'd you learn how to do that? Like. Chris (33:55) Yeah, right. Because what I'm finding... Right, what I'm finding is that when these kids go from teenagers to twenties, they put all that stuff down. Victoria (34:06) You want an apple? Hey. Kasie (34:11) Mm-hmm. Victoria (34:12) Hey. Chris (34:13) Have you noticed that, Casey? Victoria, you gotta applaud when you're doing that, girl. Kasie (34:14) Yeah. Victoria (34:16) That's an apple. I'm sorry, he wants an apple, okay? So I'm gonna give him an apple. Chris (34:20) Okay, mute. you're back. Casey, have you noticed that? Victoria (34:23) Sorry, I'm back though. Kasie (34:29) Yeah, that they put some of this stuff down, is that what you're saying? Yeah. Absolutely. I mean, I think more than ever, the 20-somethings that I know, ⁓ they crave and want general, genuine authentic connection. Chris (34:32) Yeah. ⁓ I mean, it's been so delightful to hear some kids say that, you know, I mean they Oftentimes are throwing their phones to the to the to the couch and they're going up to play their games Because they're talking to their friends and connecting in it in a more genuine way with their voice It's like being on the phone. You think your kids playing video games all night long in in in their room? Guess what? They're having a phone a telephone conversation essentially Kasie (35:04) Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Chris (35:17) AND playing a game at the same time. Fair? Victoria (35:20) Multitasking. Chris (35:22) which is a new skill really developing. I feel like. Victoria (35:26) which a lot of people like me don't ⁓ shit. Or struggle, struggle with. I won't say I don't have it, I just struggle with it. ⁓ Chris (35:29) ⁓ no comment, girl. There's a point here in this little segment that we've been on where it's very pointing out some of the difficulties and such. We can fall into a trap of believing that we need to discipline these kids. And I don't think that we need to discipline them ⁓ out of this at all. I think more so what we need to do is to be mindful of monitoring and setting up Kasie (35:57) Mm-hmm. Chris (36:07) parameters and practices that will protect them from the overload that they're getting. We don't need to protect the kid. I almost didn't want to use that word and I used that word. I couldn't figure out how I wanted to say that. We need to monitor the overload. We do not need to protect the kid. The kids are resilient. They are more resilient than us. But monitoring the overload looks like, hey, we're going to have dinner on Sundays together. Period. Technology's gone for the evening. ⁓ We're going to take a vacation and we're going to do a puzzle together. That is monitoring the otherwise overload that you have, purposefully building relationships, purposefully engaging in Bible reading for an evening, or looking at your Quran verse, ⁓ understanding that we're going to take a hike in the woods as an activity. Victoria (36:45) Mm-hmm. Chris (37:07) just me and you son. We're gonna pitch ball. Remember we used to throw ball? Right? Those are not disciplining our kids and they're not shaming ourselves. It's managing the natural overload that we have and not trying to protect them. Okay. How cool that sounds. Kasie (37:13) Mm-hmm. Yeah. Well, and our kids will replicate that. Our kids will replicate that for themselves as well. Like, you know, ⁓ we introduced, we had a little disciplinary problem at school with my son. And so he was, you know, no longer having the privilege of having technology for a period of time. And so I taught him, we taught him how to play Texas Hold'em. Chris (37:46) All screens gone, worst punishment ever. Kasie (37:51) Yeah, we taught him how to play Texas Hold'em, right? Like, and it became like card night every night, right? So it wasn't a punishment. Like you said, it was like, here's an emotionally overloaded moment. You're very disappointed with your consequences. Here's an outlet that we can use together to have relationship and still have an activity. And so now on Friday night, instead of getting on the game and instead of being on his phone, he's having six guys over to the house to play cards. You know, our kids will replicate things that you do that show them skills of how to be relational and how to do something outside of technology. I think it's the, you know, and I think we get down to this a little bit later about the modeling of parenting around that, but we have to show them, you know? We have to teach them how to go back and learn that skill to do that skill and replicate that skill. Chris (38:49) You know, it's awesome. ⁓ I want to give a joke warning. making a joke. Victoria, what Casey just told us is she is telling her kid he's in trouble and now you have to go learn how to gamble. ⁓ I love that. For those of you listening that might not know, Texas Hold'em is a form of poker. And you know, you do gamble, of course you could do it clean. My kids love poker, man. We play poker. Kasie (39:01) Yeah, exactly. yeah, we got chips. We got everything in this house, yeah. Chris (39:18) Absolutely. Hey, I got money on the table. You get me. Yeah, they loved it. We played with coins and everything and stuff. So yeah, I love that though, Casey. Thank you for that. I mean, this really is a really excellent example of like, you know, it's not just ⁓ screen punishments. We all know punishments, right? Privilege loss, privilege loss, privilege loss. When we talk about parenting, oftentimes we talk about love and logic, which I haven't even mentioned till just now, but that's my go-to in parenting. Kasie (39:21) Hahaha! Hmm. Chris (39:46) We don't need to just discipline. That's really a small part of what we're trying to do in your relationship. You're really trying to teach life lessons in unique ways. And what an important lesson to learn that you need to connect with others in a real way through a game, through cards, sitting at a table. And now he's replicating it with six dudes hanging out playing Texas Hold'em. It's that simple. But this stuff feels so overwhelming and so much more calm, plexed than just that. Victoria, I don't think families are doing that. I don't think families are slowing down enough to experience percheasy or monopoly. Do you see that? Victoria (40:37) Yeah. That they're slowing down enough to do, and like, joy it and do things. Chris (40:43) that we're not. Victoria (40:45) that were not slowing down. I mean, yeah, I literally just had a 20 year old client last, what's today, Thursday? On Tuesday, sorry, this past Tuesday, talked to me about how they've really been working on slowing down and not rushing because they feel like that's literally all they've done. Chris (40:48) And you know what? Kasie (40:57) It is. Chris (41:08) for you. Victoria (41:14) their entire life and it's just go, go, go, go, go. And so we talked about, you know, the things like slowing down, touching grass, you know, touch some grass and like, ⁓ you know, and so I do think that like, kind of like Casey mentioned earlier on in this episode that like, I think there people are starting to actually try to seek out those more connections now than Kasie (41:24) some grass. Victoria (41:44) prior to or whatever. Young people, yeah. Chris (41:45) young people. Kasie (41:46) Yeah. Well, and it's, I do think it's difficult. And one thing that I have learned a lot from younger people is that quantity does not equal quality, right? So in our younger generations, what we find is that if they can do like 40 hours worth of work in 20 hours, they're okay with, you know, Victoria (42:00) Mmm. Kasie (42:13) only working 20 hours, but having a 40 hour week salary. And, you know, and I think that that's a hard press sometimes for us who want more productivity, more this, more that, because we have an older school of thought around what it looks like to work a full-time job and things of that nature. And so I think, you know, sometimes the systems that are at play within a person's life can sometimes dictate what it is and how they behave and how they interact. with their environment as well. And now too, I think it's hard because when the price of everything is so much more expensive, a lot of people are having to work on days that they normally would be off, like on the weekends. And so they might be off from their full-time job, but they're driving DoorDash or Instacart to make up extra money or to pay bills and things of that nature. so... You know, it really is more about just what Victoria was saying, is figuring out how can we be intentional with our children and with ourselves to carve out the space and time to work on the emotional overload of life in general. And I think that kind of leads you into the segment that you're going into next, Chris, really is just. Like there is an emotional cost that happens here when we're inundated all the time with what's going on, what's happening, what's next, all of that stuff. Chris (43:41) Right. You know, it's a lot. I'm gonna tell you, I'm gonna call it right here. We're definitely doing a part two. I mean, like I said at the front end, I don't wanna rush this conversation. And we have so much more that we've prepped to talk about because this is important. So yeah, we're gonna do a part two of this next week. Because yeah, too much information is too much information. How much is too much information though, you know? I mean, I don't know around the world, you know, I'm sure... around the world people love big things and grand things and you know I think I know the American culture the best because that's what I'm in. know y'all we love big and better right bigger the biggest that we can get the you know it's never enough we always want more and more and more I mean we're horrible in that regard if I have ten dollars I want twenty if I've got a you know a two seat backseat I want a three seat backseat you know. ⁓ If I want to carry some stuff, I need the trunk rack and the roof rack. I don't know why I'm stuck on cars, but how much is too much? What is too much? What is the effect of having that? So I got to say the classic example in the information age that I feel like always resonates is simply ice cream choices. I it was so simple when I was a kid. Victoria (44:54) We gotta do that later. Okay. Chris (45:06) Chocolate vanilla cosmopolitan. was the one that they mixed up together. Neopolitan, not cosmopolitan. had neop... Okay, thank you. Yeah, it sounds good about now, because your head gets fuzzy when we have all of this stuff buzzing around. At least it does for me. It's overwhelming even to talk about, to be honest with you. Kasie (45:10) Neapolitan. Cosmetology with Topolitan is an alcoholic beverage. of which I may consume after the show. Like. ⁓ Chris (45:35) Right? But, and when you have 10 different chocolate chip ice cream flavors mixed with all of the raspberries and cherries and everything else, you literally look up at the board and how do you feel when you're looking at 70 different flavors of ice cream to choose? And then when you choose the ice cream, you know, you go to little frog lady place, whatever that place is called. then white frog, what is it? Sweet frog. And you got, you got toppings of another 10 to 50 choices. Like it. Kasie (45:55) Sweet frog. Sweet frog. Chris (46:05) It's wild, it's overwhelming and it hurts my head to think about. Right? And we're living this way. Victoria, I loved your example of the 20 year old. Again, Gen Z, these younger folks are teaching us, I want to slow down. I don't want to think about as much so fast. I don't want to have so many people tagging, dinging my phone. I think they're really becoming aware that my head Victoria (46:28) ⁓ Chris (46:39) can only handle so much dopamine because you know what? 90 % of our population around the world is not just the states, does not have addiction, does not want to be constantly stimulated, kinda is beginning to catch up with the idea that I can't feel euphoric all the time. I wanna just talk. Victoria (46:56) Can we tear it out? Can we tear it out? Chris (47:05) connect and play Texas Hold'em with my friends. Kasie (47:10) Exactly. Victoria (47:12) Well, and I'll do you know how many like young kids that I know that have phones who literally keep their phone on like do not disturb or silent like all the time because they don't even want to like hear the noises of the notifications or whatever like going off. Chris (47:31) Really? Really? Victoria (47:34) That might also be a millennial thing, I'm not quite sure, but I also see a lot of young people doing it too. My phone stays on volume all the time. never, rarely, unless I'm in the movies or something, turn mine on silent. But even in session I have mine on in case they call for him or something. But then that also means I'm getting all the notifications as well. I mean, I just choose to ignore them. Chris (47:48) Yeah. Great. Victoria (48:03) usual like in session if I'm like working but yeah like Chris (48:06) Yeah, same thing. I have that a little bit of a problem too. I my kids are 24 and 21, right? And I still have a, I leave my phone on at all times as well. I do put it on silent, like right now. It's like one of the only times it goes on silent is when I'm recording, right? And it's interesting because we want to maintain contact. We want to maintain availability. And that's literally why I do it, right? And so, Kasie (48:34) even know where my phone is right now. I no idea. Chris (48:37) Where is your phone? Victoria (48:40) She literally just says she doesn't know. Chris (48:40) Love that. Kasie (48:41) I have no idea where my phone is right now. Chris (48:44) Love that. That's rare. You know, we have this information and we want to be able to get our notifications. My son tells me 20 seconds, 21 seconds after Mike Tomlin left the Pittsburgh Steelers as the Pittsburgh Head Football coach, he knew that that happened and he text me. Now I appreciated it because I was big news and I want to know that. Kasie (49:02) Mm. Victoria (49:13) That's not gonna work. You need to use a crayon. Chris (49:13) But did I need to know that, Kosti, at exactly 1235 after it happened, after the bomb? Victoria (49:18) Okay. Kasie (49:18) I don't know, but I was real sad. I was big sad. Chris (49:22) I know, I know, but it, but I can figure that out in the evening. I don't need to know now, but look at what happens when you lose that availability. The fear that comes in, the emotional dysregulation that comes in, oddly enough, the identity confusion. And of course we all know the anxiety, the fear of missing out, the insecurities that get triggered. Victoria (49:50) Mm-mm. Chris (49:52) real experience not just 24 hours ago. What happened to me is I really wanted to talk to a friend. I had something that was on my mind. And I was driving home after working a pretty full day and my phone had this weird signal up top and I didn't know what it was. I figured out that it was an indicator that you needed to use the satellite. Victoria (49:56) Hold on dude. Chris (50:23) And when I got home, I couldn't make the call and my phone said SOS, which is a thing evidently that says you cannot use your phone because the phone cannot connect to the towers for Verizon Wireless. Victoria (50:29) Okay. I was going say, you have Verizon? ⁓ Chris (50:42) I started getting upset a little bit and I really felt uncomfortable. It was dysregulating. I was definitely fearful of like, what is wrong with my phone now? Do I have to call Verizon Wireless? Do I have to go to the store? Cause I can't, I can't call anybody now. I'm literally now living alone in my home and I cannot call anybody. How do I call somebody if I need to call somebody? right now. It was a weird, weird experience. Victoria (51:17) But yeah, they were talking about that on the radio this morning and people were calling in with their stories. This one lady was talking about how she had to go to like a doctor's appointment and didn't know how to like knew kind of how to get there, but not really. And so she couldn't use because we're rising now, she couldn't use her GPS. She ended up in Cabarrus County and had had to call 911 to get her to a McDonald's so she could connect to the Wi Fi so that she could look up how to get home. Chris (51:35) my god! Victoria (51:47) because 911 was the only call that would go through with the phones being down. And so they couldn't send anyone out to her, but they could like get her to a local McDonald's so she could connect to the free wifi. And so, and you think like, like how many people, I saw another video of this guy was like traveling and he couldn't leave his Airbnb because he was in a strange town and didn't have maps. So he couldn't like look up where to go anywhere. Chris (52:16) mean, wow. Wow, Victoria. Wow. I mean, thank you. That blows my brain apart because you know, what I'm thinking about as I'm listening to you is A, I experienced that and I lived in a time where we didn't have all this so I have some things that I can kind of recall in how to cope. But you know, our children, as parents, we're supposed to teach them how to problem solve, right? Victoria (52:16) Thank you. Chris (52:44) What is happening with problem-solving skills? We're not looking around at roads and learning road names, literally. And that's an adult, Victoria. You're talking about an adult. Victoria (52:55) Yeah, no. And well, the problem is, is then we lean even heavier on these crutches that then like, OK, so I don't know how to I'm lost. don't know where I am. well, let me just pull out my handy dandy iPhone and my handy dandy Google or Apple Maps or whatever. or. Or, you know, let me lean even more on these things that I'm already Chris (53:02) Great. Victoria (53:25) leaning heavily on. Chris (53:26) Yeah, and you become dependent upon without without it with with without a a without another out, you know, it's it's you know, how many times have we taught kids with these fables and and and little little rhymes and you know, and things to say, you know, hey, don't put all your eggs in one basket. You ever hear that when you were a kid? I heard that in 1979. OK, there's tried and true, you know. Victoria (53:29) Dependent, that's the word I was looking for. Kasie (53:48) Mm-hmm. Victoria (53:49) huh. Chris (53:55) life lessons that we were taught and we turn around and teach. If you're a millennial and you don't know how to read road signs, what are you teaching your child on a trip? This popped into my brain as you were talking to me about that, Victoria. I lived as a single mom. My mom was a single mom. My mom was a single mom and she would take vacations with us after we got through the divorce. Victoria (54:01) My d- Well, this is, sorry, sorry, go ahead. Chris (54:23) And I was trying to be the co-pilot as a kid. And I looked over at the signs that said, Myrtle Beach, we're supposed to go that way. And it was like the entrance sign onto the highway. And I thought it was telling us to go in a completely different direction. So nobody knew what the heck we were doing. It's almost like the blind leading the blind. And so how do you teach your kid to process that, to problem solve that, when you're just using Google Maps the whole time? It's wild. It's just wild. Victoria (54:50) When I first started driving, or when I first started learning how to drive, whenever I was with my dad, he would randomly ask me, he'd be like, okay, what road are we on? Okay, what road are we on? To see if I was paying attention because this was still before, I mean, this was around the time of Garmin and those types of GPSs, but you know. Chris (55:06) Love that. Victoria (55:14) I mean, it was, I didn't have one of those. So, I mean, I remember going to maps and printing out instructions and like, and whatever. And so he would literally, he'd be like, okay, what road are we on? Okay, what road does this turn into? Okay, what road, like, where does this road lead? Chris (55:30) He was teaching you. Yeah, he was teaching you. Victoria (55:32) Yeah. so like, Kasie (55:32) Yeah. Victoria (55:33) ⁓ and so, yeah, like he used to do that all the time. I mean, so, and I, and I am great at direction. Like I go somewhere one time now and I can go back without a GPS. Like I can pretty much get back to the exact place without a GPS because I'm so observant when we drive that I like am paying attention to buildings and roads and names and landmarks and Chris (55:38) And you were and look at this. Casey says to grow with ADHD. Right? Like wow, okay. Look at what you just said Victoria. I'm gonna go back into what we were just talking about, Children learn slowly. You were like what, 10 when your dad was doing that? You weren't driving until seven years later or something like that, right? You learned locally with what's in front of you and you learned relationally obviously because your dad was teaching you that. Kasie (55:59) Mm-hmm. Chris (56:26) I don't think I've a movie. Victoria (56:26) I mean, it started when I was like later, like 14, but yeah, sure. Go with it. Go with 10. Chris (56:30) Okay, well at least a couple of years, right? My son has a job in sales where he's running around all over the place and he has no idea where sense of direction is. He simply just constantly just immediately puts in his maps and goes where it tells him to go. That's all he does. I'm like, Aaron, you have, I mean, anyway, it's wow. All right, we need to start dialing in to. gonna wrap taxing in, I should say, to ending this today. Like I said, we're gonna do a part two of this. We're gonna continue this conversation next week, because we have a lot more to get to. I did not even get to make my bold statement. I'm gonna make a bold statement next time, and it's probably gonna piss a lot of people off. And I've just decided I'm gonna do it. And I'm not trying to be provocative with it, but I've been thinking it for a long time. I've never said it in a session. I've never said it on this platform. I've hardly even said it to my friends. And I have not said it to other parents, but I'm going to make a stand on the issue next time. We'll get to it. I'm sure. Let's do our new segment before we're out of here today. We have started a thing where we do what we call practical questions to you, you the listener. We want to talk directly to you. So we have some practical questions that we want you to think about. and we're gonna actually ask them as though we're a therapist, helping you to understand the dynamic and then talk to you directly through the screen. Hey, if you wanna email us, contact us through atherapistiles.com, give us your response, right? And we will listen to it, we will have that dialogue. So Casey, you got number one. Victoria (57:52) Bistro. Kasie (58:06) Yeah, so I really want you to take a minute as a listener and really kind of ponder this question. Is my child ready for the information that they're consuming? You know, it's something to really think about and to ask yourself honestly. Not can they access it? Not can they process it? But more so, can they actually handle it? And I would even go one step further and say this, this is really about stages and not ages. You know, a lot of us have children that are of various ages. My children range in age from 10 to 18 years old. And so while my 18 year old feels... like they would be able to process and entertain most information. Socially and emotionally, they may not be able to handle it in their nervous system when something comes across the screen. In retrospect, my 10-year-old, she's tough as nails. Her nervous system is really healthy and pretty intact, and so she may be able to handle something heavier than my 18-year-old can handle. It's really about kind of what Chris was saying as you're processing this question. Victoria (59:02) Thank you. like. or a sense like technical. Kasie (59:22) of is my child ready for the information that you're consuming? The challenge I think here is to think about how do you relate to your child? How do they socially and emotionally process things? Something simple like hearing the word no. If your child is having a tough time hearing the word no, then it might be hard for them to process some of the adult content that they're coming in contact with through technology. So it's definitely a good place to start when you're asking yourself, how do I kind of start curbing some of this for my child and in myself even to realize and understand how to regulate emotionally around the inundation of information. Chris (1:00:06) All right, Victoria, do you wanna do number two or do you want me to do number two? Victoria (1:00:11) don't even know when I'm gonna do this, hold on. My kid's trying to give me the color right now. Hold on. Chris (1:00:18) I will do number two. Okay, this is a practical question for you. You the listener listening, right? I want to gently push at you. I want to gently nudge you and get you to think for just a moment, right? What are you emotionally modeling? How is, you know our kids are always watching us. They're learning from us. I mean, some of the best lessons I've taught my kids are by what I've done. Victoria (1:00:20) I do yellow. Chris (1:00:48) Simple things like brushing your teeth and what you're watching on TV and sadly I taught him negative things too because he's a maniac with sports and I act a little maniacal if that's a word maniacal maniacal maniacal I like better Casey with the Steelers games and Consequently he acts a little maniacal as well So I'm really want to nudge you to think like what are you modeling emotionally in how you consume information? Because the way that you do it your little kids gonna do it more than likely Kasie (1:00:58) Maniacal. Chris (1:01:17) and we're all learning here. So we're not trying to be perfect, but I really want you, the listener, to think, how do you do this? Because you're showing your kid how to consume information. Okay? We have a third practical question. I know Victoria's struggling with this new concept. Victoria (1:01:33) Now, mean, yes, so I don't know if I got this, but we'll take a gander at it. So I want parents specifically to think about like how we interact with our kids. Like, are we just flat out like telling them what they should know and telling them how they should feel and telling them what they should think? Chris (1:01:40) All right. Victoria (1:02:02) Or are we teaching them to how to feel or how to process emotions or how to think through decision making or how to solve problems? Because a lot of times we can get caught up in just saying, don't do that. no, it's not like that. Don't cry about that. Well, that's not really teaching your kid anything. So I want you to think about how can we approach that differently? a more emotional way and maybe also in a more kind of kind of going off of what Chris was talking about and like modeling it and giving your kids an opportunity to learn it. So I recently learned that a lot of times we're not presenting our kids with the opportunity to learn things. ⁓ And we're doing more of like telling them instead of allowing them the space and the time to like figure help figure it out on their own and as parents, you know, we're supposed to help guide them to do that. Sorry, I'm also coloring Spider-Man. Chris (1:03:04) Good stuff. All right. So love that. Yeah, we're definitely going to continue this conversation because there's a lot more. There's a lot more to do with this. And I think it's important enough that we didn't want to rush it. So we'll be doing what is the title of this anyway? Parenting in the Information Age Part 2 next time. And one of the things we do to wrap up the show is we do a shrink wrap up. So we just do a little bit of a conclusive discussion, a little summary. We have a little fun competition, Neil's the judge, he's keeping track of it I guess this year. That's gonna be fun by the end of the year. But it's an important thing that we're doing to kind of give a summary of what it is that we've talked about. I'm gonna go first if that's okay to take the liberty, you guys. All right, so look, my shrink wrap up is this. I really feel like I am very abnormally a little bit more negative with this topic. Victoria (1:03:48) Go for it. Chris (1:04:00) And I appreciate the conversation, especially with Casey's jumping in to point out there are absolutely positives about this. And I want to make sure you understand I am not fearful about this. As a matter of fact, I have a lot of hope in humanity, you listening. I have a lot of hope in you listening to this. But if we haven't even thought about this and it's just happening automatically, we are unprepared because we are not even having a conversation to know. And I really want us to have a conversation because I think our children are way ahead of most of us as parents in what it is that this is doing. I don't think boomers that are older, 70, 80 years old have a clue and they're in romance fraud. I don't think Generation X, my generation, is really thoughtful about other than... The boob tube that we were told was bad and it's not bad, therefore technology's not bad, who cares? This is not a big deal. We have blown it off. Millennials are probably touching a little bit of a, yeah, maybe we need to look at this, but our kids are actually in front of us. And I want us as parents doing parenting literally to catch up with them so that we can really do what we need to do to guide them in life. That's my wrap up. Kasie (1:05:23) Yeah. Victoria (1:05:24) Well, can I go next? Because mine is probably short and sweet. I know I did a long one last time, but mine is just to pay attention, be present, don't be afraid to put your phone down, and to be aware of the impact that some of these things are having on your kids, and to... I'm sorry, I don't know if you can hear that, but I could literally just spill an entire thing of crayons. And so yeah, just enjoy these moments and you know, like, it's okay dude, we'll pick it up. We'll pick it up. It's okay. ⁓ Yeah. And put the phones down. I'm sorry. It's okay, dude. We're going to clean them up. Chris (1:06:06) Enjoy the spilled crayons moment. Kasie (1:06:08) Yeah. It's okay. Yeah, so I think I would, for my shrink wrap up, this was what I would say. This is really a complex dance, right? If you think about dancing and how we love to dance, but sometimes we may not know the steps. And I think that's where we are with this. It's a very complex balancing act. We want to leverage today's technology benefits. while also mitigating the risks for ourselves and our children. And the way we do that is we've got to set some clear boundaries, model healthy use, foster open communication with our children, and really promoting and prioritizing offline activities to have a more holistic approach on raising our kids. And so I think that's where we are with this, is to really protect that delicate balance and to create the necessary and appropriate steps to Victoria (1:06:57) Let's go open it. Kasie (1:07:11) to make this not a problem, but more of a solution focused endeavor. Chris (1:07:16) Neil, I want to do something a little bit different. He comes on and actually gets to quote unquote judges, tells us who quote won in our friendly competition. But ⁓ I know we may go a minute or two over, but Neil, I'm curious who won, what your thoughts are first. But second, you work in technology. I'm just kind of curious. You can take us out of here when you're done telling us who won on what your take is on this, because this is your jam. This is your field. This is what you do. So who won and what is your take? Neil (1:07:47) I think for... This shrink wrap up, I'm gonna have to give it to Casey. I really liked her wrap up. think it was really great, the way she said about it. ⁓ I think, and the hard part about the shrink wrap ups is everything that each of you say is so important. And I think what's key about this is that someone's gonna get something from each one of you and it's gonna strike a chord for them in their household. You guys talked about kids disconnecting. Like last night I played some card games with my kid. He beat me twice, which he doesn't normally do, but it's great just to sit down and stop, right? a good thing and so that's I think this is really important to look at I think the generations makes a huge difference Chris as you stay with it we just don't even understand the boomers to the Gen X to us we I mean Casey and I were talking before this call who are we we're kind of more the Zenyals right because we're in this weird limbo right that's that's worst so I think it was great shrink wrap ups and I think going back to your statement you know in technology nowadays the hardest part is that I think because kids are always in front of the technology, it becomes more of a fatter fate for them as they get a little bit older, right? I remember when we had our kids when younger and Facebook came out with Farmville and like we were so hooked on it at that time, right? Because it was new to us, right? And we were in that weird, still young, mid twenties kind of thing. it was different as kids because they're so engrossed with it. Chris, you see kids not really using the technology. it's because it's just normal for them. For us, it was fat right it was all this uniqueness stuff and we were still learning the older generation was like well I still had my old life from before so I think if you think about those different pieces it's the technology is always going to grow it's always going to adapt the question is can it be used helpfully and can parents actually help regulate how their kids get involved in it can they actually you know teach your kids how to use it and I think that's the hard part is the parents do have to make a big effort in this that's that's the another big key takeaway is the parents are the guiding factor for a lot of the stuff that What kids see what they hear how they process it how they interact with it. That's a huge piece So and I think a technology wise technology begets technology. It's always gonna grow It's always gonna get more and more creative a little bit faster all these things so at that site just hang on and Try to stay grounded as things change, man Chris (1:10:05) It's a hell of a ride. It's a hell of a ride. Listen, this was part one. Casey, congrats on the win. You got it, babe. I actually thought that myself. And we're gonna continue this conversation next week with part two, and I'm gonna bait you not doing it on purpose. I really wanted to get to it, but I got a bold statement that I'm gonna make on next show, I promise. Kasie (1:10:12) Thank you. Victoria (1:10:13) Okay, say... feel like mine, I feel like I have been the most realistic because we have chosen not to give our kids screen time on school nights. And so that's the product of this is that like sometimes he can entertain himself with his toys. Sometimes he's like attached to me like glue. Chris (1:10:45) wow. Thank you for helping the audience understand that. That's interesting. ⁓ Honestly, will you promise, will you talk more about that next time? I'd like to hear more about that. All right, listen, happy mid-January. We're gonna see you next week on Thursday evening for part two of Parenting in the Information Age. What a journey. Stay with us. Take care. Victoria (1:10:52) Thank you. Bye, all.