This episode does a deep dive on one of the subtopics on implicit bias and it is how you Refute Negative Messages. As a sub headline, Chris says this is about those messages that others have given you, unless they are true and usually, they are not. This means you must be able to build a way that you can take not only the messages you hear but also the ones you tell yourself and filter them in a way to know what is true and what is false. By the end of the show, you will be armed with tactics and ideas to help you through this.
Tune in to see how to Refute Negative Messages Through a Therapist’s Eyes.
Listen for the following takeaways from the show:
- Episode 200 is getting close, and the show will be announcing some big changes soon.
- The full title is really Refute Negative Messages that others have given you, unless they are true and usually, they are not.
- This is just one of the subsections from Episode 173 and Episode 174 on Implicit Bias.
- If you hear a Negative Messages – Take the Challange (“You can’t do it” -> “I Will Do It”)
- Permanency words, like “I Never…” or “They Always…”, should be avoided.
- They talk about where the negative messages can come from.
- Some negative messages are from unresolved issues, trauma, or toxic relationships.
- VeryWellmind.com has an article about the Toxic Effects of Negative Self-Talk.
- Do we follow a Quality Control Process to keep the negative thoughts out?
- They finish the show by talking about how you can refute negative messages.
- Remember to tell yourself “I GOT THIS!!!!”
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Episode #198 Transcription
Chris Gazdik: [00:00:00] Hi there everybody. This is through a therapist eyes. Thanks for tuning us in and checking us out. I am Chris Gazdik. He is Adam Cloninger. We are talking about a cool topic tonight. I’ll I’ll tell you. It’s interesting. The way that I generated this topic, I think I was just telling you Adam, before the turn, the mics on, but I am a substance abuse and mental health therapist since 1995 in one form or another, we try to develop personal insights to share with you in your own home or personal time driving in your car.
We see the world through the lens of a therapist, but be aware is not delivery of therapy services in any way. Always important to point that out. I wanted to start saying the date. What is the date today? This is [00:01:00] August the fourth, right? Yes. Yep. I need to start doing that because you come out after we do the show 2022.
Yeah, 20, 22 is a good additional component. yeah. Cause you know, sometimes we have things going on and you know, people are like, why did you, why did you mention this? Why did you mention that? It’s like, well, because it didn’t happen yet when we talked about this show. So that explains that. So this is August the fourth, 2022.
Yeah. 20 25 20. Is it now you now confused man. Five star reviews are helpful for us. Apple allows you to give us some reviews with words. They help us. They help us get found comments. Thank you, God. My brain is somewhere today. This is the human emotional experience. We do endeavor to figure this out together and we appreciate you on this journey.
I’m gonna give a. Little pop of awareness out that we have kind of a big announcement coming up soon in like specifically soon as in two episodes soon. So [00:02:00] episode 200 is coming up. Believe that or not right. Episode 200 is coming up. Of course I turned you onto a podcast. They’ve done 800 episodes insane.
Mm-hmm do you like that episode or is that the that’s? Yeah, the one I was, do you think you’re gonna, did I turn you onto it? You gonna watch it?
Adam Cloninger: Yeah, I’ll listen to, I didn’t watch it, but listen. Yeah. They have
Chris Gazdik: video tube or just, I think Neils tells me they have everything. Yeah. They have video also video and YouTube and I don’t know.
Yeah.
Neil: They, they record it on youTube without video. Like it’s just the episode, but they do an additional live stream every week as well. So you think about all the podcast episodes plus a live stream video. Okay. So yeah, they do have something you watch
Chris Gazdik: on YouTube. Yeah. They got a lot of stuff and it’s just science geek out, man.
I, I knew you would love it. Yeah. I like it. You even like the noisy though. I can’t stand that. Oh, that
Adam Cloninger: I love that. That’s my favorite part. I’m like, yeah, I can hear, I can hear the voice. I can
Chris Gazdik: hear it. Oh my gosh. For you listening. They there’s this show that I like and they have a segment where they just have weird noises that [00:03:00] are nothing like squeaky sounds.
And I don’t even know what half this stuff is. I just fast forward through that. Well, the only
Adam Cloninger: one I saw, I, I mean, I was able to tell what it was. You were, you got it right? Oh yeah. I could tell what it was. The next one. I was like, Yeah. Okay. No, I didn’t next. I didn’t know what it was exactly. Wow. I mean, I could tell it was a conversation I’m like, I, cuz he said you gotta be specific.
You gotta say who it was and what timeframe were they talking about? I’m like, okay. I don’t know that much about it. so, but no, they, they had one where they played a song and they, they were doing the, the computer was doing the The voice and everything. Yeah. I, I couldn’t what song it was and everything.
Chris Gazdik: Okay. This, this will tune the audience into your personality a little bit. Sorry if I out you, but it’s no, that’s fine. It’s gotta be done. Yeah, that’s fine. So like, you gotta understand these nos that this show does as like a bird squeaking, magnified times 10 in the middle of the afternoon or something like that.
Or like a, I don’t even know some of the electromagnetic [00:04:00] noises that come from your engine of your car and they record it. It, you, you can’t guess these things, so you’ve listened to one or two of them and you’ve actually guessed. One is just like totally ridiculous. I, I gotta say that
Adam Cloninger: it was a song. I mean, so, I mean, I knew this song.
It was just a song. It was a song, but they had played what they did is they played a song that was like from, I guess it’d be the eighties. And they SP the song into. Did it like AI played it back using a piano but, but the piano did the vocals also so you’re hearing the, you know, piano. I Don so even the person singing, so it was, I could, I mean, I recognize, so
Chris Gazdik: the fact that it was easy for you scares me even more did you, did you call in and tell him, like, I know what this is you.
Yeah. You’re gonna be that guy. No, I don’t mind. You’re gonna be that guy. I know you’re gonna be that guy [00:05:00] refute negative messages that others have given you, unless they’re not, unless they’re true. And usually they’re not that’s the subtitle know if it’ll be added in there, but I thought it was kind of cool.
I was telling you before. The mics came on, how I generated this topic. And because I was just looking now, like I’ve got a long list of topics that I wanna do content on things that just pop up to me. I got a notebook I carry around with me. So I’m kind of constantly generating, you know, cool content. And a lot of it comes up like in my therapy sessions.
And so I’ll just write it down in my book to transfer that over to a document that we have, that’s a running tab of topics. So I was just looking down the other day. This one was actually was working on it last week and I’ve started reading the lines. Right. And I thought, oh, that’s cool. That’s good.
Well, that’s good one, you know, and I chose the one that I did refute negative thoughts, but it wasn’t even on my contact list. Right. You, you now know where it was on. So mm-hmm what was it on? How, how did you understand that? Well, the
Adam Cloninger: way, the way I got, what you [00:06:00] talking about? What show was it from?
Chris Gazdik: Mm. No, it was from the implicit bias show.
Okay.
Adam Cloninger: But to, to me, I’m thinking it was like a, you know, note C under something else where you were just like a little side note. Exactly. You probably written off side of the page or something. I don’t know.
Chris Gazdik: It was, it was, it was on a list of how to manage implicit bias. And the funny thing to me is like that literally I could take any one of these shows and go a deep dive on one of the strategies that we had that was listed on, like, I don’t know, 10, I wanna know what
Adam Cloninger: item B was now.
Chris Gazdik: Well, I we’ll have to look it up. There was a whole list of them. And so it’s just cool that these shows can kind of dub on each other. And that way that I generated this topic to me was like, wow, how much content is there that we can really needle into? Because this was a list, an I a list item on how to manage implicit bias, but it also applies to a lot of other things that we’re gonna be managing.
So refuting negative thoughts, I [00:07:00] think is something. Can help you with a lot of things, including implicit Biase. But boy, I don’t know that people know how to do that very well. And so we’re gonna go take a deep dive on that tonight. That sound agreeable to you. Yep. All right. What if it, if it wasn’t, what would we do?
Do it anyway. yeah. Yeah. What is negative messages? So we have all sorts of things that we think about. And Adam, I, I don’t know. I think it’s pretty universal. So as I read these examples, right? Like you may think, oh, you know, I wouldn’t say that I’m a jerk, I’m a loser. I never do anything. Right. No one else would ever like me and I’m a clots I’m unlovable, you know, I’ll never find my guy.
You and I might not say that one, but you know, a female might say, well, I wouldn’t, I don’t, but you, but I’m not gonna say that either, but I’m never gonna find my gal. that’s what I would say. I mean, we have these negative. [00:08:00] Of kind of powerful, emotional statements that oftentimes we’re not even really thinking about in an implicit bias show, we talked about how that could be undercurrent.
It could be in our subconsciousness and the way that we’re really thinking about it. But sometimes we literally even, you know, think these things when we’re going through tough times, or when we’re wondering about something or worried about something or angry about something, or it’s just sad about something like, we’ll get these statements, these, these oftentimes negative oriented beliefs that are messages that is in our self talk.
So I think it’s pretty universal, but do you know what I mean? I mean, do you have that experience? I mean, is that yeah,
Adam Cloninger: to me, I, I think that it’s sometimes good to con like kind of consider ’em a
Chris Gazdik: challenge. Okay. Oh, that’s interesting. What do you mean?
Adam Cloninger: Like, if there was something that you’re knowing you’re not good at or [00:09:00] something you should do this and you, you don’t or whatever.
Yeah. Sometimes it was just like, oh yeah, I couldn’t do that.
You, I don’t know. You may remember. There was a long time ago. I told you one of the first couple of shows I did with you, there was a job I took. And one of the reasons I, I even apply for that job was because I had to talk to people
Chris Gazdik: and I don’t like talking to people. I do remember you talking about that?
Yeah. Yeah. And now I’m on a podcast. I know, right. Talking to the world. that’s awesome. So that’s awesome.
Adam Cloninger: Yeah, no, I, but it was a big thing, you know, it is something I didn’t wanna do. It is it was a what would you say
Chris Gazdik: it was a, a presentation or was a negative messages you gave by yourself? I can’t do public speaking.
I’m not good at crowds. I don’t have enough conversation. You know, there are all sorts of things that I think we think of. And thank you. It’s an excellent example. And I mean, I, I think really anytime you do something new, there’s gonna be these thoughts, these fears, these doubts, these insecurities, that pop up and yeah.
You yeah. I, I just think it’s super powerful in the way that we go [00:10:00] about them and how limiting they can be. And I love your thought your thought should be on my list. I think of how to manage ’em, you know, turn them into challenges that is a fantastic way to manage something that has hit you, or that somebody has instilled into your life in a negative way that you really can, you know, actively and strongly.
I love attacking negative things in our emotional self. So that’s the show. That’s mic drop, man. Boom. Right.
Adam Cloninger: I love it. Negative messages, negative messages. Take the challenge.
Chris Gazdik: Negative messages. Turn into a challenge. I say, take the challenge, take the challenge, take the challenge. Okay. I can go with that.
That just makes me think of like, you know, one of these crazy things go on the internet, you know, where you take the challenge. Yeah. Cold water bucket challenge or whatever kind, which one feels up first. yeah. I don’t want all that. Here’s a good tip that I think can really help you to identify when you get these things going on.
And that is oftentimes whenever we use permanency words. [00:11:00] So forever, always, never all the time. Everyone, no one. These are what I call permanency words. I don’t know if that’s the proper way to refer to ’em or not some English person, my editor Courtney, you need to call in and let me know, cuz I’ve been using that in my practice for a long time.
When these permanency words come up, 95% of the time, they’re going to be inaccurate. They’re going to be agreed false. Yeah. Right. I don’t even know why we have ’em in our language. As a matter of fact, I would be very, very curious. For those of you listening outside of the states that are bilingual, I would love to know how many of these words right.
Are used in other languages, because I suppose, and submit to you that they other languages oftentimes might not even have many it’s like inaccurate. It’s unrealistic.
Adam Cloninger: It’s like you say, every time I wash my car, it rains every time.
Chris Gazdik: Really? Sorry. Yeah. Listen, I always use it like to [00:12:00] use the example that I am always going to be a man.
And nowadays you never know I did say that on air didn’t I you did say, cause I do that in my therapy office and I’m gonna be genuine and I hope I didn’t step in any toes and upset anybody, but you know, there are only very rare circumstances. That you can really use these words accurately. And that’s one that always comes to my mind.
Right? I will always be in north Carolinian. I can’t say that. Right. I have no intentions to move right now. I’d love to retire back to West Virginia. You might come with me. Ma’am it’s not gonna be allowed. What you might come up or with me. No, bro. We have to talk we gotta talk. It’s a great place to live though.
Love West Virginia. So, but that’s a good indicator. These permanency words that gives you an idea that you’ve probably just got into an unrealistic and negative mindset. Every all, no one, everyone. These are usually good [00:13:00] indicators that you just got something going on in your thinking that you really need to attack.
Adam Cloninger: You mean like if someone had their in their head, I can never do this.
Chris Gazdik: Right, right. Every time I go speak something always gets screwed up. Every every time I turn on the microphones technology problems always arise. Like right. No, no, but we get really stuck in that. So where do these things come from?
I, I, I think is, is something that we definitely need to touch on because it’s easy for us to really think about blaming other people and being angry or resentful at other people. But where, if you really think about it, where are these messages operational? Are they operational in the world at us? I would maintain to you that way more commonly these things are things that are inside of us that we’ve bought into in [00:14:00] some way or another, that become operational.
And that is a huge, huge thing to realize operationally. Developed, maybe outside of yourself, but operationally internal to ourselves are these negative messages. I think I’m speaking like Yoda. Does that make sense? Just say it backwards. I did sort of chopped it backwards. Operationally, these messages are internal to our thought process.
They’re internal to experience. We do get a lot of things from mirroring. We do get a lot of things from, well, I think I have a list that I created in where that we get these things from. But if you think about how to get to know yourself, you see yourself from other people and the way that they mirror back, the experience that they have when you’re talking or when you’re behaving a certain way.
And so we learn a lot about ourselves and that manifests into what we unfairly believe or are told about ourselves. So that’s a big [00:15:00] generator, but they also operate from. Unresolved issues that we have in our own lives. So feelings that we had about a breakup experiences with a divorced family or having an alcoholic parent or something big, like that creates all sorts of internal negative messaging.
But do you see like the experiences that we have and things that we haven’t really let go of or resolved create stuck spots? I talk about that a lot in my book, stuck spots where we get just beat up over and over again, whenever we come up against something that’s belief about ourself is in operational internally.
We also get them from situations that were real. So the situation that has two additional perspectives that have implicit bias included in them, I don’t even know what I mean by that. They’re. There are real [00:16:00] situations that can have. So this is dynamic that follow me for a second. We, we have real situations in our life that have actually more than two, all three of us, Neil, me, and you have a perspective on how this show is going or how it went and whatnot.
So those perspectives really lead to the implicit way that we experience the bias of our perspective. Like that’s the real perspective, but they’re different in each of our perspectives with what we’re really experiencing now, but this implicit bias kind of comes in and makes us color our vision and our own perspective, which is dynamically, where it gets created.
Okay. Mirroring I’m being affected by your experience. If you’re really super uncomfortable. We’re doing the show and it’s a weird topic and you gimme facial expression. So I’m really picking up on that. But I have my own experience that I’m [00:17:00] mirroring and projecting back to you. And Neil might be over there, like bored while he’s yawning right now.
So he’s bored and he’s like disinterested. And that makes you feel like, oh, we’re doing a bad job. And I might see you get more anxious. And so I start feel, you see how that could just spin and spin and spin and dynamically. You begin to pick up on your own perspective, feeds into the implicit bias that we have and just creates all sorts of negative messages.
Even in real time when we’re doing something, even if you don’t have a chronic problem with a particular perspective, I could be all upset and worried that Neil thinks we’re doing a bad job in the real time with mirroring. Does that make sense? Mm-hmm I mean, these things come from so many angles at us.
I don’t know. It just tends to beat people down. you know, all of these messages that come flying at us, what are you thinking? Let me tune into your
Adam Cloninger: face. I’m I’m thinking about I’m gonna back up. I’m I’m thinking about [00:18:00] like your, your, one of your first things you, you mentioned about these I’m gonna call ’em absolutes.
What’d
Chris Gazdik: you call ’em permanency
Adam Cloninger: words. Okay. So, I mean, I, I might take it a little further I’d say can’t is, should be one of those.
Chris Gazdik: Yeah, absolutely. I like that. I mean, you
Adam Cloninger: know, I know you talk about always and, you know, never and stuff like that, but I’m thinking can’t should be one because might not be able to, to accomplish it now, but that doesn’t mean always, but can’t means it’s a permanency word.
Chris Gazdik: It is kind of a permanency word. You know, it’s funny because one of the things that I do in cognitive work with people when we’re really looking at thoughts is I will absolutely. It’s kind of a classic cognitive behavioral strategy turn can’t into. Can. . So if you can’t do that, then what can you do? You know, you just kind of look at, well, what, what are the options then if you get stuck into that, if it isn’t, everyone thinks you suck well then who, where are some of the areas that you can see?
Other people don’t see you sucking. So you just, you just [00:19:00] switch it. Like, I love your kind of comment attacking. How did you say, take the challenge, take the challenge, you know, that’s, that’s kind of what, you know, when you identify can’t or one of these words and one of these situations, or if you become aware of this dynamic thing of, you know, feeling negative about what’s going on, even in the real moment, that’s when you, I mean, we’ll get to, how do you manage negative messages in the last segment, but you’re trying to turn all of these around you know, we can’t have a conversation about where these negative messages come from.
If we don’t think of family of origin, you know, how many negative messages come from early on in life can
Adam Cloninger: see that I can see that
Chris Gazdik: being a thing. It’s huge. I was trying to think of an example that I might pull out. I mean, , I I’ll give you, I’ll give you one. That wasn’t really when I was young, but I, I never, I’m never forget this moment.
I mean, I was out in college, you know, I mean, I don’t have a lot of rhythm. I can’t dance. I know, I know that I struggle and I feel very, did he say can’t? He said, [00:20:00] can I said can’t I do not feel comfortable. I struggle, insecure, dancing and singing for that matter.
Adam Cloninger: So are you gonna procrastinate and get dance lessons?
Chris Gazdik: There’s a, there , I’m not doing dance lessons. Okay. So there was a, there was a, a dude that was a buddy of mine. His name is Matt. Love you, buddy. I’ve talked to him in a long, long time, but he was crazy dude in college that we hung out with. So I got my courage up and I went out, you know, like every young man does.
And I started trying to do the dance thing on the dance floor and I was hitting on some girl or whatever. I think it didn’t, I mean, it didn’t work terrible, but it didn’t work great either. So it was like, I don’t know, but I came back off the dance floor. And this dude looked at me and all he said was don’t ever do that again.
I don’t know if he was busting my chops or just
trying to be like, thanks P right. A crush.
Adam Cloninger: I will never do that again is now
burned in my head.
Chris Gazdik: Exactly. find it feel very, totally [00:21:00] comfortable dancing before that.
Adam Cloninger: But, so what, what I heard you didn’t tell me is the reason you said I can’t do that is because that guy
told you to never,
Chris Gazdik: well, like I said, it, it it’s, it burned in my memory.
I, I had already felt weird, good example before that, but it did definitely hit me so we can have little moments like that, that now I can dance. I, I, I, I’m not, I’m all grown up, but still there’s an uncomfortability that’s there. And that even as I’ve changed that a little bit, that thing still kind of arise.
They still bubble up. What are you laughing? I’m next time you gonna try to get me?
Adam Cloninger: No, I’m hearing, I’m hearing the guy saying never do that again. it was
Chris Gazdik: Tony. It was crushing me. I bet. So it really was. Don’t ever do that to somebody. If your buddies with him, it was, and maybe you just struck me weird in that moment.
I mean, I, I don’t, I don’t know what he was trying to do. Another one that comes to my mind in where do these things come from, right? Toxic relationships and [00:22:00] traumatic events. Like the these are huge. When you go through the events in life, such as being molested or physically beaten, even, you know, violently hurt in a fight, you know, guys fight or.
I mentioned alcohol and drug addiction issues in your family of origin experiences that you had with betrayal of an affair. The, these are, these are all like, you know, seriously dramatic, if not traumatic circumstances that you have in your life. And they imprint themselves dramatically into the subconsciousness and the belief systems that you have.
And I can’t tell you how much effort at times in a therapy practice, I’ve gone unwinding these with people so that you can get to a place that you can even know that they’re operational and then try to refute them and whatnot lots and lots of problems. I could probably [00:23:00] just camp out here and, and go for a while.
I’m gonna move on, but the, the reality that this can be, so it’s, it’s part of what. Hurts and hurts many thousands of times after, you know, somebody hurts you in such a serious and dramatic way that way, domestic violence. How do I not mention that? Like, you know, a victim of domestic violence is dealing with a plethora of negative messages that they have to go through an amazing period of recovery to refute and experience themselves in a different way.
So that’s, that’s a big, big deal fears, namely those with close attachments, you know, we’ve talked a lot about EFT on here the abandonment insecurities and engulfment insecurities and how they just create fears and other fears associated with the way that we experience absolutely create these negative messages as well.
And then lastly, and I held it off because I think it’s way more common. I think it’s way more insidiously destructive when people are [00:24:00] trying to figure out how to experience themselves with self-talk and. Self view and all that kind of stuff. If you have a heavily critical, critical person in your life that destroys a person’s soul.
And I think that’s more common than the dramatic trauma of stuff. There, there are people sometimes that we have in our lives that I, I don’t, I don’t know if you’ve ever experienced anybody. That’s kind of got some toxicity that way, Adam ’em, but, you know, can you imagine, or have you had like, you know, somebody that’s just chronically coming at you with something negative telling you to do something a different way, or, you know, even when you had a success time, they kind of pointed out something you screwed up or, you know, just the
criticisms.
Adam Cloninger: No, not exactly that, but I’ve been around people who are doesn’t matter what happened. It’s always, something’s always an issue. There’s always drama. There’s always somebody. Talking about ’em at work or somebody’s trying to screw ’em out. [00:25:00] It’s negative, always something, you know, the bank did this or this, you know, it’s never their fault.
So I can, I can kind of see
Chris Gazdik: that. Yeah. It’s tough to be around mm-hmm and, and it, it so’s doubt into most things that you think about or do, I mean, it’s sows doubt into even your thought process. It, you know, and particularly then somebody who’s so close to you as, as a husband or a parent, or even really a close, close friend, I mean, people can get into, was it you, or was it Matthew?
I think we did toxic friendships, you know, and how to manage trouble with friendships that wasn’t you wasn’t that’s prime app. Right? So, so. You can have somebody that’s your buddy, your best buddy, even, but you get into this weird thing where it’s a, it’s not a good friendship, like somebody that you really need to get away from, but they’re your friend.
And, but they’re just negative. So this can create all kinds of negative self messages kind of as well. So [00:26:00] do we have a good idea of where these things come from? Would you say mm-hmm yep. So what are the consequences? Well, you know,
I think people could probably realize this is not a good thing, but let’s take just a moment and look at really the things that are get created when you have these things just raging in, in your mindset, limited thinking, perfectionism feelings of depression, relationship challenges. This is probably not a.
Complete list. I don’t think I spend as much time listing those out, but the consequences of, of tearing yourself down, ah, man, it just, it sucks. It’s so difficult to function on many levels when you’re trying to be active or begin something new or try something new or, you know, if I’m gonna try to go out there and learn some dance steps, cuz my wife loves it.
We’re gonna do [00:27:00] ballroom dancing. And I got all this noise in my head. It’s so it’s so debilitating.
Adam Cloninger: I’m gonna show you some break dancing out here. This episode
Chris Gazdik: can’t even get started. You did do break dancing. Did you? I did right. I did. Can you still do anything? Yeah, I can. Well, can you do well, it was about anything.
Can you do the worm? that’s pretty.
Adam Cloninger: I suppose I could. No, I can. I can still do some standup stuff, but I’m not getting on the floor and breaking my back. And
Chris Gazdik: I imagine our age now that stuff would be a lot more painful than ever was when you were. Yeah, I could
Adam Cloninger: probably do it good for about five seconds and I’ll be. Late up in bed tomorrow.
Chris Gazdik: you need some, I be proven, so limited thinking, perfectionism being depressed or downtrodden, all kinds of relationship challenges just as a well, it may have come from this, this article actually a toxic effects of negative self-talk I think it did.
Adam Cloninger: You may even wanna talk about perfectionism for a second, cuz I, I know what you’re talking about here, but I, [00:28:00] that can actually, I’m gonna squeamish initially say can be a good thing too, but that’s not what you’re talking about.
That’s that’s not, I’m talking about wanting to have wanting to do something perfectly and you, you practice that’s that’s not what you’re talking about here.
Chris Gazdik: Have we talked about OCD on the show?
Adam Cloninger: We could do that though. Actually, we’re going to one time I mentioned it and you said that would be good. A topic we haven’t done that.
Chris Gazdik: Oh, actually, that probably is on the list as, as we go. What do you mean? So you’re, you’re kind of concerned is you don’t want, you’re not thinking, no, you might wanna clear people that wanna do a good job and make things really on. That’s not what you’re talking about. Not so much.
Yeah. Yeah. That’s not what you’re talking about. Perfectionism more as referring to why. I don’t know how, how can perfectionism really be thought of as a good thing though. Perfect. Is the operational component of that, right? Like, are we trying precision? I mean, you’re an engineer and you, you have to have things pretty precise to do the things that you do.[00:29:00]
That’s not perfect though. Even, is it like, do you need perfection in the precision that you have with a lot of your tools and the things
Adam Cloninger: that you do? Oh yeah. But I mean, you, you, but you think there’s always, there’s always acceptable tolerances. You have to stay between, I mean,
Chris Gazdik: okay. I. I would think that when you begin thinking about those such minute tolerances, which is part of the pressure of what you do in engineering, right?
Like that creates a pretty strong amount of pressure to get it right. And so whenever you have perfectionism, you have an incredible amount of negative fear or insecurity that I’m gonna screw this up or that up. So I need to make sure it’s right. Perfectly on the line. So, oh,
Adam Cloninger: now I can see that being bad.
That’s bad. That’s bad. But like I said, that’s what you’re talking about here. Yeah. Yeah. That’s all I was getting at.
Chris Gazdik: Yeah. Well, I, I think it’s interesting. Sorry for the sideline man. no, no, no. That’s, that’s why, that’s why we here. Cuz [00:30:00] when something is there that you see that, that way, I think that’s, that’s super important.
Adam Cloninger: I mean, you know, you’ve heard people say practice makes perfect. Okay. That’s a good expression. So, so that’s I love expressions. That’s what I was getting at you. That’s not what you’re talking about here. I just wanna make sure every, nobody. Thought that’s what you’re talking
about. That’s interesting. I’m glad you said that sentence because you know what?
I love phrases and we do say that practice makes perfect. Is that question, is that a bad phrase?
I guess it depends on how far you take it.
Chris Gazdik: Golly. Yeah. Do we, I’m trying to think if I ever said that to my kids. I don’t know that I did because I don’t wanna put that kind of pressure on them trying to be perfect, but we’ll move on.
Okay. Yeah. We’ll, we’ll move on. I think look at the sources and realize this is what’s meant by usually they’re not true in the subtitle that I talked about. Like check the sources out again and, and think how many of these [00:31:00] sources, so how many of these sources do you think are really gonna give you accurate information?
Okay. So. Permanency words we mention, right. We, I think we made a pretty strong convincing argument for that. The way people mirror things back to us, it, it, it can be so include like so much of their own problem or insecurity or angst can be a part of how they mirror back to you, that you, you, you can never know what their issue is and what’s, you know, what’s your issue.
The unresolved issues that we have in ourselves, when we, when we have those things that we haven’t let go of, they haven’t dealt with. Do you think that’s really gonna give you accurate information about yourself? See, see, I’m going after here. Like, if you look at the sources. , these are not really good sources to understand yourself now, right?
This [00:32:00] whole crazy thing that I was trying to describe in such a sort fashion with implicit bias in the perceptions that we all have in, in the real time. That’s so mixed up, that’s not gonna be a great source. It’s not gonna give you accurate information about yourself. Family of origin is interesting.
Sometimes they will, but sometimes they really won’t. So that’s probably a mixed source, particularly your experience of things. When you were younger, it’s experienced as a child. So that’s not gonna be a great source to give you true information, trauma and toxic relationships are gonna give you horrible inform.
okay. Heavy criticisms. I mean, I don’t care how bad of a person you might be. If you’re criticized all the time by a critical person, chances are, this is not accurate. Right. And again, that’s toxic person, so it’s a toxic person. And then the fears and insecurities that [00:33:00] you have as based on abandonment or engulfment or any of the other number of insecurities that operate with us, do you see that these are not really gonna be good, accurate information?
Mm-hmm that you’re operating from. So the whole title here today, right? Refute negative messages that others have given you, unless they’re true. That was my subtitle that I was thinking through, but usually they’re not true is the point. And you’ve got poor information from sources that are either, usually unintentionally just tearing you down.
So it’s, I guess I add to this little segment to, to think a little bit about like, boy, we really wanna be careful about how we allow these things to just rummage through our thoughts. You know, I, I think people would be shocked if they got into the heads of other people and found how much they sit back and just think about these things or themselves in the way that they do.
Can you imagine being in somebody’s head?
Adam Cloninger: Mm, yeah, I can. [00:34:00] I can think that would be kind of neat for like two minutes.
Chris Gazdik: It’d be scary for two minutes. I think people would be shocked. I mean, we, we, we look up to a lot of people, a lot of people that are famous or, you know, in in the media or actors and just people that we look up to and admire in whatever, dude, I guarantee you they’re raging way more than you would ever think they are.
Cause in fact, that’s probably in some part why people go on doing as successful and working as hard as they do when I can go off on a tangent on that for, for a. Let’s get to the good stuff. How do we refute these things? What do we really want to try to do? Have you ever really sat back out? I mean, just your regular day outside of the therapy world and tried to dig into this as an issue to, to really think like, you know, you came up with the idea of take challenge, take the challenge, kind of go with something.
Do you do that? Have you ever came across many aspects in life where you’ve done that? Just in normal, regular flow? I wondering, [00:35:00]
Adam Cloninger: yeah. I mean that one, that job was an example, but I mean I’m at work or something and there’s something that I’m looking at and, you know, there’s, there’s obstacle and instead of just, you know, ignoring it, say we’re never gonna be able to do that.
Never. Mm. Keyword. Yeah. So never gonna be able to, you know, what, if we did this. Mm-hmm ,
Chris Gazdik: it’s a challenge. I just wonder how many people are conscious of actually doing this. I mean, in a therapy office, we do it all the time. You know, we’re, we’re constantly looking at ways that we can reframe and understanding about something or, you know, confront something that somebody’s thinking about themselves or, you know, any number of those types of things.
And I guess I’m just wondering, like, do people do this and, and I don’t know that people are walking around very aware that it’s happening. You know, I don’t know that people are walking around very aware of like their negative thoughts even about themselves. Cuz who sits down and thinks about this. You see what [00:36:00] I’m saying?
Adam Cloninger: Yeah. We do it in everyday life about. Well, from my, in my aspect, you know, I do it like as a job, but there’s other people do it at work too. They’re they’re that they think about things like that, but I don’t think people think about doing it in personal life.
Chris Gazdik: You you’re kind of, you’re not really quality control, but you’re kind of in, you know, quality control component with, at the, at company, right.
Used to be the quality engineer. Okay. You actually used to be a quality control engineer. Yeah. Okay. How much quality control do we have on our internal thinkings about the negative thoughts of ourselves? I think that’s the way I would put it. Like, okay. Not much, not much. I don’t think we have much thought about it.
I think it just operates. Right. So if we’re gonna be purposeful about being aware of what we’re thinking with ourselves and taking the challenge, and I like to think of attacking these things in ourselves, how do we do that? I got a list. Let’s hear it. Right. First off, right off the get go. [00:37:00] I really feel like it’s super important to, for more than one reasons to really surround yourself with people that you would, you know, call good people.
How successful, if we’ve just established that you’re not really thinking about this very often. You’re not very engaged in, you know, quality control of your thoughts and such. How, how, how productive do you think you’re gonna be? If you don’t hardly even know that it’s going on, you know, to refute it or challenge them, right?
Other people can see when they’re happening. Other people can see when there’s a barrier there. And if you develop a little bit of trust, like you and I are friends, we can develop trust. You can give me feedback about my massive insecurities with dancing and tell me, you know, Chris it’s, it’s fine. You you’re all right.
You don’t look that you don’t look that bad. Holy cow. Something’s
Adam Cloninger: going on. We got a storm going on here and lights are flashing [00:38:00] or
Chris Gazdik: literally my office doesn’t have windows at this current location and it gets, you can actually hear the storm
outside too.
Adam Cloninger: Oh, is it raining? It’s coming out. I can hear it.
The, yeah, you, if I was listening, I, yeah, you can’t hear the rain that hits the roof and man we’ve gotten storms like every single day it has been storming a lot. Is that not crazy? Mm-hmm what would we do, Neil? If the lights just went out and we’re sitting in pitch dark, we’ll just keep going. Right. well, as long as we have power to record, I guess that would blink the, did it the equipment off actually.
Are we good recording? Right?
We’re recording
Neil: the episode, but the live stream has died temporarily. Oh, it’ll it’ll reconnect once the, once the router comes back on. So, but yeah, we’ll just probably just pause the recording. Yep. And we’d probably stop if there’s no lights so, but yeah, we’re good on the recording. All right.
Chris Gazdik: We’re still live. We’re still a go good people. they really will give us subjective information. They’re gonna give us in a way to look at things, even when, sometimes we don’t know that it’s going on. Right? Yep. So friends [00:39:00] family, people that you trust, people that are encouraging gosh, contrary courage to me.
Have you ever had that person in your life? That’s like super encouraging I, I’ve got an example of that and it’s actually the opposite of the, the heavily critical person. I, I just don’t like them types of folks around me. I, I really don’t. There’s this dude that I, I over like overly. Like, yeah, he’s a little overly too.
Okay. It can be over, which is a, it could be annoying if it’s too much. I mean too much. It’s too much, but there’s this buddy out golf with Aaron. I love you buddy. Aaron Clark. He’s he’s a good dude. And I swear, you know, you can like shank one square off into the woods. And he was like, that’s alright, man.
That was at a great distance to it, man. I’m like, what you talking about is on the other course. , you know, so, but that’s, but it’s nice. Yeah. You know, he’s the super encouraging the validating. I mean, you know, boy, when you get somebody like that in your life, I tell you it’s just it’s. It’s awesome.
Adam Cloninger: Is he [00:40:00] genuine about it or is he just joking?
Chris Gazdik: No. No, he’s, he’s genuine. I exaggerated partly a little bit. Maybe just be a little quiet if I shank it off into the woods, but you know, I mean, I’ll hit a ball. That’s like, you. Top the ball on the drive and it goes like half my distance or whatever. He’s like, Hey man, that was really good. Good shot, man. It was straight.
like, God, I’m pissed right now. And you’re telling me it was good, you know, but it’s okay. So we go on good people are really, really important to have when you’re trying to refute negative messages about stuff playing off of that suggestion. And the last episode was not with you, Adam. It was with Matthew on friendship, right?
That’s where you get your source. I, I, we talked about how valuable friendships are in life and I think, you know, it just totally plays out here where, you know, you’ve got these people around in your life that you really are gonna, you just need, you need to have people that you can rely on. And a lot of what we talked about at friendship last at last episode, I think okay.
I have a whole, we could do a whole topic on how to build self. [00:41:00] that will focus on a little bit here, patch the creation of this show. Right? We can take any one of these things and make ’em into a whole deep dive. When your self esteem is down, what it, what it, what it amounts to is you see these negative things about yourself and you engage with trouble spots and whatnot.
Right? So a simple activity, I think I’ve said it on the show before that I like to a, literally I suggest this to people mm-hmm, in my therapy office. So you just take something that you like about yourself, just at least one thing. I’m sure. Even when you’re in depression or you feeling really bad, you know, can you come up with just one thing that you like, the reason why I’m saying it that way?
I, I, I, I could ask you to list a list of things that you don’t like about yourself, Adam, and it’s gonna be easy or D.
Adam Cloninger: Hmm, I guess that could be easy, right? I mean, it won’t be huge list, but there’d be a couple
Chris Gazdik: lanes. If I come, if I come across a list, I think that we could probably, well, we could, we could rattle 10 things off I [00:42:00] would do.
But then when I ask people about positive things, they struggle. Mm-hmm, take that test and ask like five, six people just list off 10 things you like about yourself and they’ll go and they’ll start, you know? But you list 10 things you don’t like about yourself. It’ll be like,
right. And, and da, da.
Adam Cloninger: Yeah, yeah, yeah. I can say that.
Chris Gazdik: It’s the way our, our, our thought processes operate. I don’t know why that is. Honestly, we need some psychologists on there study that stuff, but I just want you to find one positive thing that you like and then limit it to only one thing that you don’t like.
and then you specifically look at targeting that, changing that, take the challenge, take you, go with right. Take challenge and, and turn that into something that you like. So then you have two that you celebrate and you really celebrate them. And this could be over several weeks or several months. I mean, this is the whole process that you go through.
Adam Cloninger: So you you’re saying like [00:43:00] change it if you can.
Chris Gazdik: Yeah. There’s things that you can change about yourself and you can change the things that you don’t like about yourself. I could probably become an expert dancer. I, I could go out there. I’m sure that I can find enough rhythm. You know, I’m not terrible anyway, as it is, as I probably think I am, I could, I could really improve that.
Right. So you take the thing that you don’t like, and you turn it in. So now that you have only one that you don’t like two that you like, and you do the same thing. And over the course of a period of time, just spend a whole summer on this. We’re wrapping up the summer and you might get to the point where you have four or five things that you like about yourself, and you listen to mountain and you remind yourself of them.
And then you go to only one more and you just keep on doing that. Instead of I’ve had people do this and it’s honestly it, I think, I think in some ways it might sound a little corny or whatever for people to think about it in the real terms. But boy, you do that. You will really build yourself up and it may take some time cuz changing some things you don’t like, you know, it’s basically grouped them together, you know, just do that as a flash, but [00:44:00] what’s that, especially if you
Adam Cloninger: grouped them together, like for example you, like you said, I can’t dance can’t I need to get in shape.
Hey, I’m going, I’m gonna take some kind of
dance class, ah, and come shake and dance.
Chris Gazdik: Well, you know what, it’s funny that okay. That’s messing with the activity that I typically prescribe. And I have no problem with that, but I want to back that down a little bit. Yeah. Because also, honestly, this can be overwhelming.
People can get really, really overwhelmed. That’s why you wanna focus on one. That’s why I only want one. Okay. I only want, I don’t want to be overwhelming and I don’t want to be unrealistic that you’re gonna start out with a list of five. I only want one on one so that you have one positive and only one negative.
So you don’t have that uplifting. Now, obviously, if you begin to get momentum yeah. You can do combos and, and kill five birds out with one stone, you know?
Adam Cloninger: Well, maybe just be a, a, a, a bonus benefit that you didn’t
Chris Gazdik: intend, but do a dance class, be a leader, get in shape. So [00:45:00] you’re dealing with your dance in security, getting in shape and being in public.
How about that? See, I pulled it all together, right? so that’s building self-esteem good. Old fashioned C BT. Do I wanna do that for last or first? Where, where are we at? I think I’ll hit the other ones and end with C B T. So C B T C, BT. We’re gonna end. Well, well acronym. Oh, C BT. What’s the acronym. Yep.
Cognitive behavioral therapy. See, that’s totally therapy. Anna know, you’re used to saying CBT totally therapy world. We’ll come back to CBT. Remember the mindset that we, I think we had mentioned this before, when I don’t know, what did I bring that up now? Just gimme a head nod. Did I talk about the mindset on, on a TEDx talk for the show?
I don’t, I don’t think I did. I think I thought it might be a cool current event. Yeah. I’m thinking I didn’t. So, okay. How can I do this briefly? There’s. I don’t even have a link for it. I didn’t [00:46:00] prepare it. I just wanted to talk about it. Cuz I thought Matt was gonna be with this show that I did. We ended up changing that in our mastermind group.
We had a TEDx talk that highlighted the amazing power of like literally what your mindset can create for you. You wanna tell me what TEDx is? TEDx. Okay, cool. TEDx talks are really, really cool talks. They’re about 15, 20 minutes in length and they cover all kinds of really topics. TEDx speakers are like amazing.
They, they kind of, it’s a big gig. Like if I could get a TEDx spot and talk about mental health, like that would be like for, that would for some, that’d be like a pinnacle of your career to be able to be on that stage. Okay. So it’s an incredible conference where they have these TEDx speakers and this one was on mindset and she used a few different examples to demonstrate like what you believe.
In your mind that can actually change [00:47:00] what results occur in your life. Just your mind. Like no Jedi mind tricks, no weird things like that. But like the two examples that I remember she talked about one was in a medical procedure. They would give a certain amount of medication, pain, medications, powerful medication as a, as a recovery from a major th surgery, thorax surgery, I think back surgery she was talking about, and these doctors took the patients and wrapped them up into two groups.
One got an injection from the nurse or the doctor medical person, and the other had a computer injection in their IV. So they didn’t really know when they were getting the medication and didn’t really have any indicator. Hands down the people that expected to get the benefit because they saw when the nurse was doing it and how that felt like body pain totally reduced their pain.
The computer one just didn’t listen to the second example. They took [00:48:00] Housewives, not Housewives maids like a cleaning service people, right? They got hundreds of not, I think maybe 1500 of ’em across different states. And they studied these maids and asked them if they get any exercise. And like 70% of ’em said, yeah, I get no exercise.
None. You know, that’s what they believed. And so they took these workers and they gave half of ’em a 15 minute talk about how their work is full of exercise, meets the FDA requirements of exercise limits. And you know, all the movement that you do vacuuming and doing other things you do picking up beds and all this and whatever.
And the other group was just the, the regular group. After you got simply a 15 minute description of what your job does for your exercise needs their weight dropped metabolism, blood pressures dropped these. The, the experience really that they had is they are doing exercise every day as they work had [00:49:00] before or now the only thing that changes is they realized scientifically because of this presentation of 15 minutes, they lost weight, dude.
Adam Cloninger: Yeah. So after the show, we’re gonna talk about how good you could dance for 15 minutes.
Chris Gazdik: for 10 minutes. Okay. I’ll be swinging it. My wife will be so happy because she loves dancing and I, I don’t, but isn’t that powerful though? Mm-hmm yep. Like that’s crazy to me in my mind to think that the, literally just what you believe changes metabolically, what your body can do.
Adam Cloninger: Well, that there’s a other study about the people who like have a one injured arm. And they had to sit there and Neil’s probably looking at me like, I know what you’re talking about, where they, for 15 minutes, like closed their eyes and you know, focused on, okay, I’m moving this arm, I’m flexing this muscle or whatever.
They actually, the, the muscle tone actually was not as lost as much as it should
Chris Gazdik: be in. [00:50:00] Yeah. Well you, yeah. I, I think you don’t. I have seen that. I do know what you’re talking about and you know, we do things in hypnosis. It’s funny. Like I can hold this cup out here, you know, and as my arm’s gonna start getting tired, I mean, you can’t hold this cup out straight from you for a very long time.
I mean, you start, you know, I can already feel my shoulder a little bit, like, you know, gripping up. Like when you get into hypnosis, you can sit here and do this for like five hours. It’s crazy. Because our body has the ability of doing things. We never would’ve thought we had the ability of doing. So this is absolutely a way to refer, refute the negative thoughts that you have, that when you examine your thoughts and, and you realize the power of your mind, literally to change what you can metabolically do, let alone believe.
Okay. Remember those permanency words, here’s a tip straight up, avoid them. don’t use them. I, that totally goes a long way into I almost wanna [00:51:00] burn this into people’s minds. Like this is a direct therapy tip that I use all the time and I catch in sessions, all the. You know, I’ll be talking to people and boom, they throw one out and I’m like, wait a minute, look at that word.
What are we doing? What does that even mean? How is that even possible? And, and I mean, they get used to doing that with me. They’re like, okay, I got, yeah, they roll their eyes. They’re like, okay, you got me again. You know, but how many times do you use those people? I mean, if you’re listening out here every all forever, just don’t use ’em and when you hear ’em just like stop and resay the sentence, you, you get, you get the point,
remember the lies that emotions can create for us. It, when you have a negative thought, understand that it’s emotional in nature and understand the reality, be insightful about the fact that they lie to us can absolutely refute the negative thoughts that we have gain a new perspective on the matter [00:52:00] means sometimes you ever take a step back from a situation mm-hmm all the time.
Look at something else. Think about something else, come back to that. And then be in that same situation, you know, it’s different because your mindset, your changed perspective is gonna give you a different angle on a situation that can absolutely refute negative thoughts. And then I said, this is weird.
You could feel funny about this all day long, if you want to, but listen, if you say positive things about yourself out loud, it changes how you feel. I know that I can dance. I’ve gotten over that a little bit. I’ve literally done it on multiple occasions since I’m all grown up and I think I do it. Okay.
Right. That’s nice to be able to say. Yeah. And it’s true. Right? I can believe it right. Still don’t feel totally comfortable with it, which lends you to understand that this ISN gonna go completely [00:53:00] away. There’s no absolutes, but I can say that with all genuine and truth, when I’m sitting here talking to you, so say things out loud, do a journal.
You know, we not gonna spend much time on it, but we’ve got this. We’ve talked about having to feel good time. It’s like you’re convincing yourself. You’re literally kind of giving yourself a break. Right? Go a little further with that though. You’re convincing yourself. You’re convincing yourself.
Adam Cloninger: I mean, you who you gonna trust.
If you can’t trust yourself who you could you trust? You tell yourself something. I mean,
I can dance. I can dance. I can dance if you want to.
Chris Gazdik: Yeah. I, I think that you’re really working against some of these things that people have kind of brought to you in your life and what a rewarding endeavor that, that is.
So that’s the list. I thought it would be cool though. To end on literally like what we do in C BT. So you didn’t know what CBT stands for cognitive behavioral therapy?
Adam Cloninger: Well, actually [00:54:00] I did. You’ve heard of this before. I actually did, because it’s all the notes here, but I figured somebody else’s show might say, what is C, B T
Chris Gazdik: do you know much about it?
You’re about it all the time. We we’ve done a whole show. I think Craig was like MAs early on in our show. And we did, he is like, oh my God, this is a lot of things. This in my mastermind program stuff, I’m like, yeah, I get it. I said, mastermind, I meant unbeatable mind. But do you know much about what it is or how, how to, how, how have you conceptualized it?
No, I don’t know much about it. Yeah. You conceptualize, like, what is this therapist gonna do in cognitive behavioral therapy? it’s like, I, I, I find that it’s a, it’s a mystery for people, but basically if we are looking at it, it goes, it’s used a lot for this particular topic in how to manage negative.
messages, core beliefs are a huge part of what we see in cognitive therapy. It’s kind of similar to the implicit bias that we have, what we’re trying to take [00:55:00] those core beliefs and challenge them as we’ve talked about tonight and understand that they can be rewired literally in the way that we have cognition, the way that we think talk to ourselves and do self-talk.
We talk a lot about cognitive distortions, which are really like these dysfunctional assumptions. So that the whole idea is that you have these core beliefs and how we get distorted in our thinking and they create automatic negative thoughts. Now, the thing that’s key about that is automatic negative thought.
Remember, how good are we at? How do we put it quality assurance of our own thinking? Mm-hmm, , I’ll do that. So if we’re taking these thoughts that we have, and we’re realizing that they’re actually automatic, but we pay attention to ’em permanency words, I’ve tried to give you some clues to put key into when this happens, then you’re gonna actively and [00:56:00] collaboratively with a therapist, work on reframing these things, right?
So you’re, you’re taking them, you’re identifying them, you’re realizing they’re ingrained and you’re becoming more insightful when you do this. And then you actively, and in therapy, collaboratively, reframe the things that you’re assuming that are destroying you. They, I like that it’s goal oriented and problem focused.
Usually when we’re doing C, B, T, we’re really thinking on the present, like I said, I’m catching people all the time, using permanency words and sessions, that’s primary cognitive behavioral therapy in, in action. And then there’s an emphasis on trying to prevent this from happening. And then you go into you know, further event evaluating and dealing with a dysfunctional thoughts and behavior.
And then you, you change thinking cognitive behavioral, right through the thinking and behaving. So you’ll literally create behavior plans and things that you’ll actively [00:57:00] try to do, you know, like listing out a positive and a negative and go at it. And all, I mean, that’s a nuts and bolts of house, cognitive behavioral therapy goes and clears up maybe a little bit of the mystery, but is this easy or hard to do?
I mean, I’ve laid it out, I think pretty clearly, but this is hard stuff to really get into doing. It can be done. Yeah. There is hope in it. But I, I, I think when I’m working with somebody that has a whole lot of negativity in their life and in their own head to unwire these things, I don’t want to give any misinterpretation.
If this is simple and an easy procedure, 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6 steps. You go through the process and in five sessions you’re done. That’s just not realistic. I totally agree. You’re a positive personality. It can be done. But do you, do you have a sense of how difficult it is to change one of these negative thoughts about ourselves?
Adam Cloninger: I, I do. [00:58:00] And, and I’ve, I’ve got, and I’m trying to find the actual part, what, where you said it, but I, I, I’ve got some advice for everybody. If you knew you’re talking about saying something positive to yourself, if you’re not sure what to, to exactly what to say or whatever, when something happens, just say, I got this.
Okay. Just say it out loud and say, I got this and take the challenge and to take, just take it on whatever it is.
Chris Gazdik: Go a little further with that. And, and maybe even, I’ll try to think of an example. I do actually have an example how much time we have left, but I, I have an example, but go a little further with that, because I think that is something that we’re trying to do, but it’s, it’s people can really stuck and hard into doing well.
I
Adam Cloninger: mean, you know, I always use the analogy of something I’m actually going on. I’m mechanical or whatever. My lawnmower’s messed up right now. Yeah. I’m not a mechanic. Yeah. Okay. I, I know how stuff works, but I’m not a mechanic. Mm-hmm, two totally different things. It is. So I need to take my, my lawnmower deck off and do some repairs.
I’m like, ah, [00:59:00] ING my this and not, I got this. I took it apart. That’s my goal right now, I’m taking it apart, re redoing it. When I started, I didn’t even know what I’d even needed to do now. I understand how it works and know what parts to order and got it ordered. And now I’m, you know, re redoing things, saying it down repainting and I get done.
It’s gonna brand
Chris Gazdik: new. See, that’s awesome. Absolutely. I, I can appreciate that. I mean, I think that there’s a lot of doubt that you have, you know, it’s tough to being a dude. We’re supposed to know all this crap. Right. And not a lot of people understand even the fact that you need oxygen, spark fire of some sort and something to burn, to make stuff work.
It’s, it’s really kind of that simple when you learn it. But something stops working to dude. I don’t know if I’m supposed to get to the air filter if I’m supposed to try to figure out the spark blogger or if it’s like some fuel that’s got water in it. Which one do I even start with? Cuz this, this shit ain’t working.
Yeah.
Adam Cloninger: Like I said, I’m not a mechanic, but I, I, I have that, that part of my lawn more
Chris Gazdik: figured out, but you know, I could appreciate that as an example because anytime I’m doing something on my car and I change my TPC [01:00:00] sensor, I think is what it was on my Jeep. And I just realize like, okay, you know, It’s gonna take me longer than normal mechanic might do this in 15 minutes for me giving myself all afternoon, however long it takes it’s okay.
I can do this. I got, I got this. So it’s, you know what I think that we can wrap up fairly on this as a phrase, right? I got this. So wrapping up, listen, this is a debilitating reality, Adam, thanks for hanging out with us, you know, and, and helping us with this topic, by the way, guess what we’ve got, we’ve got a big announcement in episode 200 is gonna be, is gonna be an announcement episode.
So, okay. Not a little note for that, but this is a really debilitating, tough time that people really struggle with. And so don’t think it’s gonna be simple, but I love Adam’s positivity and his encouragement that he’s offered. He he’s, he’s dead on he’s right. He’s on point. You really can manage these episodes where you get into negative [01:01:00] self talk, negative belief, negative automatic thinking processes that go on into your head, whether they came from your mom, your dad, aunts, uncles, friends, traumatic reactions, toxic relationships, criticisms.
It doesn’t matter really where they came from because you really are empowered. And hopefully have got a little bit of some ideas on how to manage these things, because you are able, like, what did we say? You got this, you got this. All right, guys, you guys have a great week and we will see you soon. Take care.