Have you ever wondered about what people mean with they talk about being empowered? In this episode, the panel looks at what empowerment is. Explain the power structures in relationships. What living an empowered life is like and how to achieve empowerment. To wrap it up they talk about how to apply empowerment to the different aspects in your life.
Tune in to see How to Feel Empowerment Through a Therapist’s Eyes.
Listen for the following takeaways from the show:
- What is meant by formal and informal power?
- What really is feeling empowered like?
- How to we get to a sense of empowerment with our kids… spouses, at work, with family?
- Current Event: Shortage of Prescription ADD Medication, specifically Adderall. The Guardian and FDA articles discussing this problem.
- Formal Power – Authority given to someone.
- Informal Power – when there is a power structure that gets created without any predefined guidelines or requirements.
- Relationships have a power structure.
- Assertiveness is another way to say empowered.
- When a pwerson has choices that they can make, they can start to feel empowered to make those decisions.
- When you do feel helpless, you can make the choice to begin to to change that.
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Episode #218 Transcription
Chris Gazdik: [00:00:00] Hello. This is through a therapist’s eyes. I want you to think about for a moment whether you feel these things, right, feeling involved in decision making, and if you have information for the situation that you’re in, or you’re provided enough, you. get Recognition and awards and feel appreciated. You, you have autonomy in decision making or prioritization in your relationships of communication is had, and you feel comfortable in those communications.
You have wow moments where you think about, identify and understand things about yourself. These are different individual and specific ways that are kind of cool to think about Our topic today. I want empowerment. That’s, I think that’s what I entitled it, right? I want to feel empowered and I think that’s gonna catch people cuz it’s something that we want.
And I’m [00:01:00] afraid a lot of us out there at times, myself, just as well as you, do not tend to feel empowered. We feel helpless and scared and powerless. I mean, these are things oftentimes people are probably much more in touch with than this concept of empowerment. But this is, as I said, through a therapist eyes.
If you’re finding us for the first time we have weekly episodes on everything, mental health and substance abuse. We got Mr. John Pope over there. How are you? Hey,
John-Nelson Pope: I’m doing well.
Chris Gazdik: Thank you. All right, miss I’m empowered. You are empowered today. You’re feeling? Yes, I’m empowered. That’s good. That’s good.
In control and in power, in control. Yes. It’s like a heman, right? Like I have the power. Yes. Yes. , you know, there’s a SheRa as well. I didn’t watch her as much. Yeah. Was it, it was Heman and, and Shera. Was it Shera? I, I, I think so. Feel like that sounded right, but yes. Neil is behind the curtain saying Yes,
John-Nelson Pope: yes.
I was an adult when all that, those cartoons were being made. So
Chris Gazdik: sadly I was a kid. You were a kid. But I [00:02:00] am not 50 years old yet. I’ve been making this point all week long. I, yes, I am not even 50 yet. That’s excellent. It is excellent. You will be someday only single digits. But that’s another topic. Uhhuh Mix.
Victoria Pendergrass, how are you? Hi, I’m here. not, not to be confused with Penter
Victoria Pendergrass: Grass, right. Which I’m sure someone might be named that, but that’s not my name. ,
Chris Gazdik: you are just here. What do you mean just here? I.
Victoria Pendergrass: Yeah. Yeah. I’m like behind on my notes. I’ve never been behind on my notes, . I’m just like, got a lot going on.
So, you know what? I’m just gonna be present for this podcast and we’ll go from
Chris Gazdik: there. . Well, our current event that we have today is actually in your wheelhouse. So it is, is Chip Up, stay Alive. So this is where you get insights dire tly from a therapist from in personal time in your car and at home.
It’s not the delivery of therapy services in any way. Right, Victoria? That is correct. I’m nailing it back. See, I told you once. I get locked in. Proud. I’m all right. What else to say? We have through a therapist size re [00:03:00] Understanding Emotions and Becoming Your Best Self. It is a book with a new book Coming on Marriage.
So that’s a part of our platform. Contact through a therapists eyes, a great way to contact us. Send us your questions, your thoughts. What else? Neil, you don’t have a mic? Are you gonna trust me to, to do the, the YouTube thing? He’s, he’s shaking. He’s. He’s gonna trust me. So episode two 20 is our switchover to YouTube live.
So we do a Facebook Live. When we’re recording the show live, we’re gonna switch that over to YouTube, which is cool because it’s the same sort of stuff, different platform. You just type in the YouTube search through a therapist eyes. You’ll see us come up, subscribe to us there. Yeah, click on the boo blue bell.
It gives you a notification when we’re live, which is usually about six 15 on Thursdays. So that’s gonna be fun to see you guys over there on YouTube. Tell all your friends, help us grow the show, five star reviews, all that kind of stuff makes a big difference. So what do you guys think about the topic today?
Empowerment. [00:04:00] I set it up thinking, do a lot of people really feel this way or Hmm, not, I guess you gotta consider the source of therapist office, right? We, we talked to a lot of people that might, but I think
John-Nelson Pope: a lot of people want feel empowered. Yeah. I mean, they might not even really understand it, but they, they’re kinda wanting to, to explore it.
Chris Gazdik: Yeah. I agree. Yeah. I think you have it. Yeah. catchy title, right? I want to feel empowerment like. Yeah. Yeah. I think that is something, the reason why I titled it that way, because exactly like you said. So we’re gonna dig into empowerment tonight. Before we do, I’ve got a cool current event. I wanted to hit it because man you know, Victoria, did you, you, you responded like you kind of heard this.
Yeah. So, but not, didn’t really know, or John, have you heard this at all? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Victoria Pendergrass: So yeah, I actually have the FDA article put up,
Chris Gazdik: pulled up right now. Yeah. I’m gonna highlight that in a second. It was and differential. Well, go ahead. Yeah.
Victoria Pendergrass: Well it says here, like, on October 12th of last year, [00:05:00] 2022 they announced that there was a shortage of an a d ADHD medication called Adderall, which most people know about.
Which is a, a pretty big deal. It’s a, I mean, it’s a pretty big deal for the people that are on Adderall that use it for, to help them with focus and to help with their
Chris Gazdik: adhd. Well, it, it is a big deal. I mean, it’s, it’s, and I’ve had clients talking about this. This is why I’ve kind of like, oh, this needs to be a current event because it’s impactful.
We won’t get into much of the dynamics of the actual medication. Right. Suffice it to say what your opinions may or may not be on it. I will say that there’s a lot of science around this being a really helpful medication for folks that have a d d a, adhd. Thank you. Yeah. And. The, the, the counterbalance to that is people that say, oh, it’s just like taking speed and that type of a thing.
Yeah. Well, go ahead Victoria. You might. Okay. So have some credence [00:06:00] to it.
Victoria Pendergrass: I mean, I think I can add some personal things to this because someone, I don’t know if you can tell from a mic, but we have not
Chris Gazdik: noticed at
John-Nelson Pope: all. We’re not interrupting, are
Victoria Pendergrass: you? Yeah, no, definitely not. I do have adhd specifically combined type, so the inattentiveness and the hyperactivity.
And so as someone who has been on, gosh, I started ADHD medication when I was in second grade, so that was 2002, right? No, that’s a lie because I was in third grade when nine 11 happened, so that was in 2000. Okay. Right? Yeah, sure. Somewhere around in there. And I’ve been on ADHD medication since I got pregnant.
Okay. And I had to stop it because I was pregnant, and then I haven’t been on it since then because I’m breastfeeding and I can’t take it while breastfeeding. But so as someone who has taking it for basically my whole life I mean, it’s an important [00:07:00] thing. I mean, it is not, I would not equate it to speed , right?
I mean, when, when you’re, if you think of your brain as like spaghetti, okay, before medication, medication just kind of helps untangle, untangle it and kind of help you focus so that you’re able to accomplish task and get things
Chris Gazdik: done. Whereas people that do not have a d d ticket, you’re wired, right? Yeah.
You’re wire. Yeah. Yeah.
John-Nelson Pope: And exactly. And maybe is that one of the reasons why there may be a
Chris Gazdik: shortage? Well, let’s get to that, John. Exactly. And I wanna be a little brief because we have a lot of stuff to get to with empowerment, but the, you’ll just have to take Victoria’s word for it. And honestly, we need to do a show with this panel on it.
We’ve done shows on a d D before a D, ADHD Victoria. Mm-hmm. The, she, she corrected me. I, I’ve, for years have said Attention deficit disorder. It was a pet peeve of what, which,
Victoria Pendergrass: that used to be a thing. But, but now it is, is no formally called. Yeah. Formally
Chris Gazdik: called [00:08:00] adhd, A d D. So the, so let’s just jump to like, what is being said.
You, you raised a, a skeptical question, John mm-hmm. , and I like that. Right. It’s, it’s interesting because the FDA says in an article that it was due to intermittent manufacturing delays. Right. And I’m not sure that I buy that. There was another article that you can check out on our, our site that was quoted, I don’t know the, the source was The Guardian right.
That’s a, it’s an interesting website, but it’s, well,
John-Nelson Pope: the Guardian is, is kind of an excellent news source,
Chris Gazdik: isn’t it? Okay. I’m not as familiar with it. It’s British
John-Nelson Pope: and oh. Is it? That doesn’t make it better. I mean, they also have the Daily Mail, but yeah, the, the Guardian is, is kind of a premier website.
Chris Gazdik: Okay, good. Cuz it offered what at a pretty decent scan on my part a different take on this whole thing. And they [00:09:00] say that it was a long article, so I did not read it. I’m gonna be honest, the, the worst of it’s ever been is what they say. So The Guardian goes into a little bit more deep thoughtfulness revolving around the coronavirus and the online startups that we did a current event on as well with cerebral and some other companies that have been out making good money on virtual prescription.
Yeah. If prescription is a word, right. They made a cap ton of money around. There’s all these prescriptions and stuff. That’s the truth. That’s what I see. For what it’s worth, it it, it, it was brought up by a client of mine that talked about another factor. I’m not sure if the article went into it or not, but that basically these stimulant medications for a d d are highly regulated by the government.
Mm-hmm. . Okay. . Yeah. Highly. Right. Victoria knows you have, you cannot get more than a month subscription. , there’s a lot of things to it. Well, one of the things that began to happen, John, that you just alluded to, I don’t know if you said that knowingly or [00:10:00] not, but there, there have been way more prescriptions allotted mm-hmm.
because I suspect these companies were banging this stuff out. It’s been very controversial and in the news they’ve been. Basically busted for it and have had to retract a lot of these practices that started to occur. And I’m not sure of the truth of this, but per what my client explains to me, I didn’t know this, but the government in part of their regulation limits the amount that can be produced.
Mm-hmm. . Now, have y’all ever heard that?
Victoria Pendergrass: No. But it kind of makes sense. Yeah. Maybe like,
Chris Gazdik: that seems weird to me, but for whatever reasons, manufacturing or increased utilization, inappropriate use, I would wonder there is a major shortage that people are having to go from pharmacy to pharmacy to pharmacy, to pharmacy, literally to get, you know, Victoria, what [00:11:00] you, and we’re gonna take you at your word Right.
You know, experience as a major tool in helping to manage A D H D.
Victoria Pendergrass: Most people. Who are on ADHD medication, and I can speak from experience. The people are around them are gonna be able to notice a difference on the days that they forgot to take their medicine and on the days that they take their medicine.
Yeah. I mean, , John’s laughing at me. I mean, I had plenty, my, if my friends ever listen to this, they can atest. So when are
Chris Gazdik: you gonna stop breastfeeding? ,
Victoria Pendergrass: . Oh, we’ll see. But you know, the, like, it’s not that people that need it are a, what if you, people have used the word, oh, you’re addicted to it. You have to do it.
Oh, that is
John-Nelson Pope: such a canard,
Chris Gazdik: isn’t it? Yeah.
Victoria Pendergrass: And like, but like, what people don’t understand is like, If you, if you find something that can help you focus and can help you complete tasks throughout your day [00:12:00] and can make those spaghetti noodles in your brain a little bit untangled. Yeah.
Chris Gazdik: Like it’s helpful.
Listen, I will say, then we’ll move on to empowerment. If, if it’s okay. I will say that I, a longstanding belief that I’ve had working with people seriously is that medications are a great tool to help manage mental health. They’re not a solution. Okay? Mm-hmm. , that’s sort of prescription golden rule in my mind.
You have to do the work. There’s a lot that goes into being well, But medications are a viable, responsible, helpful tool for all sorts of things. Thank goodness we have technology that’s developed these things.
Victoria Pendergrass: So what I would, what I would add lastly to that is that if you are someone who is being affected by this shortage, talk to your primary care provider.
There are alternative medications for. Adhd like MyConcerta Ritalin, Vyvance, Focaline, there are Lin. Yeah. There are other [00:13:00] options for you out there. And hopefully if you need to switch, you can find one that still provides you with the same effectiveness as
Chris Gazdik: Adderall. Yeah. The problem needs to get fixed. Yeah. People are going without prescriptions and you don’t need to just be stuck coming off of them abruptly.
It’s, it’s, this is a problem, so we need to be aware of it and we’re putting a little bit out there about it. So for hopefully Good. So let’s talk about empowerment, right? We’d like to start out on definitions a lot of times. I mean, when you think of empowerment off the cuff guys, what would you say that you would explain empowerment as being for people?
Is that unfair? Go
John-Nelson Pope: ahead. No, no, go
Victoria Pendergrass: ahead. No, I just thought of the, the term like, like girl power, which I hate that term, but fine. That’s not bad. Little, they’re gonna say woman power. Right. Like I am woman hear me, war. Right. Kind of thing.
Chris Gazdik: Right? [00:14:00]
John-Nelson Pope: Yeah. Empowerment. And of course Heman. Yes. I’ve got the
Chris Gazdik: power.
Did I say that on the Facebook Live? I think. I
John-Nelson Pope: think you did. Yeah. Yeah. And I think of an old Gary Puckett song from the Union. Gap Will Power. It’s Now or Never, so, okay. ,
Chris Gazdik: but you gonna break out in song?
John-Nelson Pope: No, I’m not this time. Willpower
Chris Gazdik: It, it, it is something that we have in our culture. Yeah. Right. And I like to think of it really as just being engaged, feeling competent and valued. That, that’s, that’s kind of a, a basic summary of, of mine in, in, in looking at this they define it as authority or power given to someone to do something.
Okay. A better one that I saw came out the process of becoming stronger and more confident, especially in controlling one’s lives life and claiming one’s rights.
John-Nelson Pope: Now that’s, that’s also a process, isn’t it though? That’s the [00:15:00] second, the second definition, isn’t it though? It’s much more is this is a part of a lifelong task, I guess, that we’re given right?
Is to become empowered and to become
Chris Gazdik: competent. It’s also a bit of a moving target, isn’t it? Mm-hmm. . It’s not like once you’re empowered, you’re always feeling that way. And I’ll tell you off the get go in talking about this topic, you’re gonna see that, ah, I bend a lot of times towards understanding empowerment is a little bit of a perception.
And we’re gonna talk about a little bit informal, informal power in relationships. So we understand power dynamics in relationships, but a lot of times this is in the way that we feel like you can have been given authority and still not feel empowered. Mm-hmm. . So I love what you say and I maybe you can expound on it, John, that this is a little bit of a process that you go through.
It’s not something really that you’re given, right? Right. . [00:16:00]
John-Nelson Pope: And I think that’s, you know, you think about in terms of, of, of growing up and in your home, you’re given more tasks to do, you develop a sense of competency and so in a way you’re empowered Yeah. To, to, to be able to do more. And the idea is, is that you start to enjoy being responsible.
Doing this, the problem I see is that we are in some situations sometimes where you’re given a lot of, of responsibility to do something that, so you might think you’re empowered, but in fact you don’t have the authority.
Chris Gazdik: Ah, yeah. Yeah. And that happens. There’s a lot around this or, or it gets snatched from you and, and, and that autonomy gets taken
John-Nelson Pope: and you’ll see that in, in, in people in careers.
Mm-hmm. and particularly in this environment there’s a major employer in this area that has cut many thousands of jobs [00:17:00] over overall
Chris Gazdik: or your job gets taken. Yeah. That’s all gets taken. Yeah. Another component for sure. Yeah. You know, I looked at this in way of thinking about, you know, what does this really have to do with having and executing the ability to make choices?
To me, empowerment has a lot to do also with like choices, you know? And I made a note to tell myself as a reminder on our, on our process here, that that’s, that’s one thing that I’ve done with my kids over and over and over again. My son was actually on a show here, and he, he laughed about it and, and, and it, it came to that, that I tell him, I, I greet them goodbye, you know, Hey, have, make it a great day, you know, make good choices.
And my son was funny on the show. He is like, yeah, I’ve heard that more than once. But I do that purposely because like, that’s so important that they understand I have choices, I’m making choices, and I need [00:18:00] to think about making good choices because that’s, empowerment Right, right. In, in, in your life as you go, you
John-Nelson Pope: have people, for example, that have suffered significant medical issues, perhaps strokes that sort of thing where they’ve maybe their thinking processes have been altered or they developed serious mental illness and sometimes their choices are removed, and so they, they have that sense of frustration that they’ve lost power.
Chris Gazdik: Yeah. Go go a little further with that. Mm-hmm. in insofar as that the losing power, well sense that people, okay. And, and I’ll add there’s whole groups of people that feel disempowered in that type of a thing. You how, how that’s a process to me. Well, and I think
John-Nelson Pope: with economic turmoil as well, I, there’s a sense of loss of power if you lose your job or, or your livelihood.
And so you feel like you don’t have a purpose. I have I’ve had clients in the [00:19:00] past that have really dealt with, they’ve developed perhaps A major serious mental illness such as a mood disorder that sort of thing. And they they can no longer work, right? Yeah. And so they don’t have a good sense of who they are as persons.
Their personhood is, in a sense, diminished. And so that makes a, that so their sense of self con, a concept, their sense of who they are, if they feel good, do they feel they develop anxiety, depression. .
Chris Gazdik: Am I making sense? You’re making total sense. And, and my, I’ll tell you where my mind went on a little journey with, as you were talking.
Right. I saw, I saw your mind wander away. Oh, it’s wandering to back to a moment and I’ll, I’ll share it. I didn’t plan on it, but it, it gets to a little bit of what you’re, you’re saying now, me being through my life, I’ve, I’ve been a rule follower. I, you know, [00:20:00] I, I, that’s a what? That’s a problem of my It’s true.
It’s gotten a lot better. Maybe that’s true. That does not. That’s surprise me. , maybe. I love that you’re saying that because it does not surprise me. . It doesn’t surprise you
Victoria Pendergrass: or does surprise you? No, it does not
Chris Gazdik: surprise me. Oh, that I’m a rule follower. Follower. Oh, okay. Well then she, I’m being sarcastic. I thought I’ve gotten better anyway.
I guess I haven’t, so I’ve never been incarcerated, but I had an interesting Well, that’s good, . Yeah. But it was an interesting moment when I took a tour of the West Virginia Penitentiary. Oh, down in was it Moundsville? I believe? Moundsville, yeah. Oh yeah. Right. And you could take a tour of this place. Just because I actually went with my dad, if I remember correctly.
Anyway, we, we took a tour of this place. Yes. Just because, right. It’s this historic building now and what we used to do with incarceration. But I’ll tell you, they put you in and they, they lock you in a cell. . They do. [00:21:00] And, and it’s, it, the door closes and you’re sitting in this cell and I was just like, whoa, whoa.
I mean, what just happened? It was a weird moment. Okay. Did
Victoria Pendergrass: you actually feel like you were in jail?
Chris Gazdik: You, I mean, I allowed myself, because obviously it’s a tour and whatever, but I, I did a little thought experiment with that to see like, okay, what is this really like? And I’ll tell you when, when something’s taken away from you, such as your civil liberties or something like that, the, the, the overwhelming feeling that I can imagine having.
I gotta just a little bit taste of it that day. But I can imagine when that’s really taken over and as you’re talking about John, the loss of this or the, the changing fluctuation in your life, that’s a horrible feeling. It
John-Nelson Pope: is an overwhelming feeling and it, and I think it engenders anxiety. I was a brick chaplain in the Navy in one of my previous [00:22:00] incarnations.
And you’re probably laughing at me now, . No, no, because I, every time I went in, I had to go in the cell. I had to go in the cell with, with the sailor of the Marine. Yeah. And they close you in and they close you in . Yeah. Yeah. And and I know in my head, yeah, I was gonna get out. Yeah. But there’s that sense of they could keep you there.
Chris Gazdik: Yeah. You are at the mercy of somebody else. Yeah. And that feels very, Powerless in, in a, in a weird sort of way. Mm-hmm. , I, I don’t have time to tell the story. We’re gonna move on. But I, I did a suicide risk assessment on somebody that was in, in a jail cell, was literal patted cell or whatever. Oh my God. I was totally green, new, nothing of what I was doing.
It was brand new in the field and Oh, that was much better feeling than moundsville penitentiary. But this is the, I I think the main point here is this is a really powerful and visceral experience that you can have both ways, very positive and [00:23:00] uplifting when you feel empowered and very helpless and scary when you become in a disempowered state.
Like this is a big deal. Right? Yeah. So let’s, let’s transition to a little segment on the, the structures that we. With power in relationships. Victoria, I’m just curious, being a younger therapist, have, have you thought much about, or dealt with, like, it’s kind of a, an abrupt concept, right? It’s a weird concept to emotionally think about a power concept in relationships.
Like, are you powerful? Are you not powerful? What’s the power structure of relationships? Like, because I know they didn’t talk about it in school.
Victoria Pendergrass: Definitely not . Like are you talking about between me and a client or between like a client’s own relationships?
Chris Gazdik: Just relationships. So broad. Yeah. There’s a power structure in. therapy
Yeah, for [00:24:00] sure. And, and, and it, it’s an awesome responsibility. Right? But just in general, have you, have you thought about it much or dealt with power in relationships?
Victoria Pendergrass: I wouldn’t say may that I’ve put tons of thought into it, like purposefully. But I mean, I would say that I like it. It probably has come up in Yeah, in sessions.
But I mean, it’s not, I’m wanna be honest, not as directly, not really. Well, it’s not really something that I’ve delegated, like a lot of input, a lot of time. . Yeah. Into thinking about, I’m
Chris Gazdik: gonna be honest. So, yeah. And, and you will more and more as you work with people.
John-Nelson Pope: Right. John? You know, I was thinking, I, I do counseling with couples and they’ve been married, they come from very different backgrounds or their partners mm-hmm.
And there’s there’s sometimes a power struggle. Oh yes. Yeah. And that sometimes over a period of time that, let’s say and usually I’ve [00:25:00] seen this with more of the women, is they’ve become increasingly disempowered. Yep. And and it’s because of, let’s say, the person, the, the male in this case would be from a more traditional background and would say, I’m the head of the family, head of household.
Right. Yeah. Head of household. I’m gonna handle the money, I’m gonna handle the bills. Hmm. You know, I’m, no, and and it’s more than just, well, I’m gonna make life easier for you. I’m actually gonna control you.
Chris Gazdik: Right. And, and this is also with parenting. Mm-hmm. , you know. Mm-hmm. Victoria. And your work in the schools, you know, kids, do they feel empowered or disempowered?
We mentioned in the workplace, like relationships. Mm-hmm. have
Victoria Pendergrass: a power structure. Well, I mean, I’m thinking even in the classroom. Yeah. Oh yes. Like there are some teachers who give up their power and let the kids take that power. And then that is when I mean, that’s when, and they get [00:26:00] frustrated. Yeah.
Well, yeah. The teacher gets, yeah, the teacher gets frustrated because, and tries to take it back and, but they’ve already given it up. So ,
Chris Gazdik: so here’s the hard, the thing that I see with people is people become very confused about the power structures that do exist in relationships. I think at this point we’ve convinced you that they’re there a little bit, right?
And the fact that people get confused wraps itself around the difference between formal and informal power. And I think that’s a central piece about what happens in feeling empowered. Can you
Victoria Pendergrass: explain more about informal and informal, perfectly?
Chris Gazdik: Absolutely. Right? Yeah. , formal power is what you would think it to be.
You’ve been decreed some sort of authority in some regard, and it’s formal, it’s real. A judge has the power to indict a ruling. A president has a power over the Congress to veto a parent has power over the kids [00:27:00] formally insofar as custody, right? So there’s formal processes that go on where people have a certain authority or ability that is, that is, that is honored and respected and given it’s a decree, right?
And there’s lots and lots of ’em. I gave a few examples, but way more commonly what happens is informal power, right? And an informal power in relationships operates sort of in a way where How, so? The way I like to describe this is, you know those folks that kind of walk in the room and they own the room?
Mm-hmm. , right? Yeah. Yeah. There’s a lot of political experience when groups of people are had, you know, the squeaky wheel gets the grease is an expression that comes to mind. We know what this is like, but we don’t really think about it in, in purposeful terms. Domestic violence is one where it’s horrific.
There’s no formal power here, [00:28:00] one over the other, but the informal power is debilitating. Right. It’s the
John-Nelson Pope: intimidation. It’s, it’s the, yeah, it’s the demeaning, it’s the person that would hear that you’re no good. You’re worthless.
Chris Gazdik: That’s, and what do we do with victims of domestic violence? We help to build them up with their self-confidence, with their ability,
John-Nelson Pope: their, and sometimes they have to go away and go to a place where they are built up.
And it’s a private place where the person that was ex mm-hmm. that was being in the abuser doesn’t know where they are. Absolutely. But it’s a process because the person has to get their power back. That’s been a victim.
Chris Gazdik: So informal power is different than overpowering. Yeah. We, we went with that. That’s a part of informal power, but I wanna make the point that it’s not necessarily overpowering as well.
You know somebody that’s funny or has a gregarious personality, they’ll have a lot of informal power in groups cuz we look [00:29:00] to them. There’s sort of natural leadership ability.
Victoria Pendergrass: So you’re. Equating excuse me, you’re kind of equating power with almost like influence.
Chris Gazdik: Influence is another word that is Yeah, absolutely.
Go
Victoria Pendergrass: a little further with that, just saying that, you know, there are some people who, you know, you might tend to listen to a little bit more, who might have a little bit more of an influence on the choices that you make and the things that you do. And I think that that can kind of be related to this power
Chris Gazdik: dynamic.
Absolutely. And I, I, I know it’s somewhere in, in our, in my thinking show notes, but I wanna put it in here because it’s so important. And it’s a part of this, this dynamic that we have with informal power. Cuz I work with this a lot in therapy with people, right? And, and the concept is, and I’m curious if you guys are gonna get this word right.
So there’s, there’s a word that’s right in the middle that is the target. And I work with this with people. I’m sure you do as well. But if you think about [00:30:00] aggressive. Personalities or characteristics? Assertive and passive. Yeah. You’re way ahead of me, right? I’m sorry. No, that’s perfect because it’s right in the middle, right between passive tendencies and behavior and aggressive tendencies and behavior.
And we’re shooting for the one right in the middle, which I didn’t even get it out and you nailed it because we deal with this all the time. There’s even this thing assertiveness training. You remember that back in the day, Joe? Oh
John-Nelson Pope: yeah. Back in the day. That was back late eighties, early nineties. Does that
Chris Gazdik: show
Victoria Pendergrass: y’all
Chris Gazdik: had assertiveness training?
It’s a thing. Yeah, it’s a thing. Yeah. Yeah. Is it still a thing? It’s workshop. Cause my question is it, is it still a thing? I don’t know That I don’t know. Would
Victoria Pendergrass: they maybe call it something else now? Like what would you call it today?
Chris Gazdik: I don’t know. Do you or would you
Victoria Pendergrass: still plow assertive training? Cause I never, I
John-Nelson Pope: do assertiveness exercises all the time.
Right. But I don’t, I don’t think I’ve seen a workshop for assertiveness training for, for a while,
Chris Gazdik: 30 years, you know? Well then
Victoria Pendergrass: John, you just might have to teach me some
John-Nelson Pope: things. . [00:31:00] I don’t want you to assert yourself. I,
Chris Gazdik: yeah. Victoria, you teach people this all the time. You just said influence and she’s very good at being confident and, you know, kind of learning how to speak up for yourself, finding your voice.
There’s a lot of phrases in ways we go about managing this, but you know, is do you feel really empowered when you’re aggressive? Actually, probably not. Right? Do you feel obviously not empowered when you’re passive? Like, definitely not. When, when
John-Nelson Pope: I, when I see somebody that’s being overly aggressive or aggressive, They’re scared that person or persons are scared.
They’re not feeling empowered. They’re, they’re feeling very weak and vulnerable, and they’re gonna hide it. And so they become like a cat and they blow themselves
Chris Gazdik: up, right? Yeah. Right. And become aggressive and blow out to, to overcompensate for Yep. What you’re feeling, I’ll tell you what. [00:32:00] Being assertive feels awesome.
It really does. Amen. Right. When you can make your point, you can push your agenda, you can be heard like feeling grounded, feeling like you know, you, you have something value, like you’re enough, you’re important. And, and, and I have something important to say. I want you to hear it. And I’m. Push for space into this.
Now listen, I’m gonna push for space into this relationship that we have and the power that is existing between you and I. Mm-hmm. , I’m not gonna overrun you. I’m not intentionally going to, I don’t wanna be aggressive. I want to hear what you have to say. But we have, we, we, we work to achieve a balance in this informal power structure that definitely exists in relationships.
We, I do, I deal with this all the time in therapy and, and I’m stunned at how often ask your folks Victoria, through the years. Okay. John, have you ever asked that? What’s the middle between assertive and or [00:33:00] what’s the middle between passive and aggressive?
John-Nelson Pope: You know, the, it’s interesting. I think it has come up a number of times, but mostly it’s to say, have you considered this alternative?
And when I would talk to them and I said, you don’t have to be A rug, you know, or a doormat, but you also don’t have to go over the top. You can be assertive, you can state your case and do it calmly.
Chris Gazdik: Yeah. Yeah. In my, in my sessions, I will ask and have many, many times, you know, do you know the word that’s in the middle?
And I’m just making this up sort of anecdotally. Don’t hold me to the number, but I’m gonna say like, I don’t know, maybe 15, 20% of the time people are able to get that word. Yeah. 80% of the time or so. They have no idea. And, and I’ve. , I’m amazed that people don’t know the healthiest route to take.
John-Nelson Pope: It’s either the flood gates are open in terms of aggression or [00:34:00] it’s like everything’s
Chris Gazdik: shut up tight.
I don’t wanna make waves. I don’t wanna cause a problem. I’m just gonna shut down. I, you know, I, that’s pa you know, you get into passive stances or Yeah. The, the blowing out and blowing up. So I really want you listening to this show to be thinking a lot as we go through, you know, that, that, that idea of assertiveness, what, what really is, does it mean to feel empowered assertiveness and choices?
And you get, you get some of the perceptions of it. You
John-Nelson Pope: know, I’m going back to my, you, you went back to your childhood when you got put in jail or in the pen. Okay. But asking a girl out for the first time, oh gosh, yeah. I felt so empowered. after I finally got my, my anxiety under control and was able to go in and ask somebody , and I was just, well, they can always say [00:35:00] no, but no, it’s going to hurt.
It’s gonna hurt so bad, scared. It’s gonna crush me. And when they didn’t, when she didn’t, and it was wonderful. Absolutely. And the only girl I ever dated or and have ever asked out was my wife, joy Marie. Oh, that’s,
Chris Gazdik: aren’t you lucky? No, that’s not true. That can’t be true . No, I was, I’m enjoying that feeling with you, John, because I go back with the days, you know where the rotary phone, you know Uhhuh?
Yeah. When you get the next one, the next one, and your guys, that last digit man. Oh, oh man. Oh, that was, it
John-Nelson Pope: was tough. That’s right. We, we had a rotary
Victoria Pendergrass: duck. I know, I know how to work it. Okay. I know what it is. Okay. That’s just a little bit, just slightly before my time.
Chris Gazdik: And it was so amazing. You’re right. I, I totally am enjoying it with you with that feeling when you get, you know, the Yes.
And then you feel more comfortable and you can do it again. And, you know, it’s just, it, it’s, it’s, it’s, it’s terrifying. Before you get [00:36:00] comfortable with that though, . Yeah. It’s terrifying. So we’re gonna, we’re gonna skip out to the next segment of, of what living and empower life is really like. And I think we’ve, we’ve talked about that a little bit, but let’s first take a break for the sponsor of our show that we’ve been highlighting.
So better Help is an online virtual experience that you have gaining a therapy experience with people, and we have that as a sponsor to our show. You go to the through a therapist size.com, click on the counseling button, and it sends you through in an awesome process with an online virtual therapy experience.
Victoria, what’d you think about that?
Victoria Pendergrass: I think it’s definitely needed. You know, it’s, it’s great for people to have access to a platform that provides them with competent therapists to help them with their needs, and it also helps that they can. Can [00:37:00] reach them at any
Chris Gazdik: time of the day. John, have you ever referred somebody to better help?
No, I haven’t yet. Haven’t either. I think, actually I think we,
John-Nelson Pope: I should try that , right? Maybe I need that too. Well, I mean, I, a therapist needs therapists. A therapist.
Chris Gazdik: Yeah. I love Casey’s statement. I’m gonna use it for the rest of my life. You know, the, be the best therapists, have therapists. Mm-hmm.
That’s absolutely a true example. Oh, if you haven’t
John-Nelson Pope: been on the other side Oh, you, you’re, there’s no way that you’re gonna be able to empathize and understand Walk in the shoes. Absolutely. And the same shoes. We’ve all been through this experience of, of our human experience, I
Chris Gazdik: guess. Yeah. So, and it’s necessary.
It’s needed. As you listen to a Through A Therapist Eyes podcast show, I’m sure different episodes bring up different things for you. N no doubt. Well, it
John-Nelson Pope: it’s affordable too, isn’t it? I
Chris Gazdik: mean, it’s it is. And they, they use insurance on, on the platform. But the point that I really want to make to you is these shows hopefully get you thinking about things [00:38:00] and things come up and you wanna reach out.
Yeah. Can’t reach out to us directly unless you’re in North Carolina. And Better Help is a very viable option to check ’em out. So please think about these things we talk about and please click over to through a therapist size.com, click the counseling button and experience better help for yourself. And let’s get back to the show.
So what does Living an Empowered Life really like? I did do that on the mics for this show, not just the Facebook Live, right? The, the, the, the what is empowerment like, right? I think I did, yeah. Yes, pretty sure. And it was interesting because when I. Let’s pull around on Google a little bit. This is talked about a whole lot in management circles.
Oh yeah,
John-Nelson Pope: definitely. Right. Education circles. When? When I taught school.
Chris Gazdik: Okay. College. Yeah. Really? Okay. Yeah. [00:39:00] I’m glad to hear that. Cuz young adults needing to get go oriented with this is important. Mm-hmm. , those ones that I read off are really actually suggestions from a management perspective on how to induce empowerment in your employees, in your supervisees, in your direct reports.
And I thought it was really cool. That’s why I made ’em a part of my list. Right? Involved in decision makings. Are you as an employee empowered, right? Are you provided the information and the training that you need? That’s a way to empower people. Do you get recognition? Do you receive appreciation in way of awards?
Do you have autonomy in decision making? Autonomy, like micromanagement destroys that, right? Prioritizing connection in communication and going back and forth both ways, not just one way they, they had in flexible work hours included. And I thought that was a little bit silly, frankly, in my view. But the flexibility is important [00:40:00] and, you know, creating wow moments I thought was interesting from a managerial perspective.
But I purposefully in the beginning of the show, cited those ones thinking, how do we do that in our personal lives? Do we empower ourselves and do we empower those that are around us with these concepts? I think it’s hard.
John-Nelson Pope: Yes, it is hard. You know, one, one of the things having been in the military before is that they start from the time that you are in bootcamp, they being the gunnery sergeants, for example, or the DI’s, they actually, you get the idea from mass media or movies or television that, that you’re actually not anything and you’re, you don’t have any authority or any, any power.
But they start from the very beginning, the first day of training, they give the recruits, the [00:41:00] boots more and more Responsibility. Oh yeah. And they get more responsibility. They get more authority. And that, one of the things that when I was in the military, I didn’t have my, my, my captain, my oh six guy saying, now, John, you’re gonna do all this during the, the day.
He said, I want it. You do it, get it done, get it done. And you do it, do it right, but get it done and report back.
Chris Gazdik: Okay. I’ve thought about it that way. That’s cool.
John-Nelson Pope: Yeah. And that bell that gave, that empowered me to it builds you up. Builds me up. And I was able to think outside the
Chris Gazdik: box. We could take a lot of that and apply it to parenting, you know, and how we’re trying to build our kids up, but do we simply just tell them what to do,
Yeah.
Victoria Pendergrass: Well I think that’s a. It’s interesting you bring that up because I think that’s what this whole like gentle parenting movement is. Oh boy. Giving your kids. [00:42:00] So for example, no. Yeah. Explain this in depth. No, I mean, and I’ve explained gentle parenting on here before, but an example as far as empowerment goes is giving your kids the option to make them feel like they still have a choice, right?
So, okay, we’re gonna, it is time to get up and go to bed. You come now or you give them options. Okay, we can, how about we skip to the bathroom or we can walk sideways to the bathroom or we can crab leg to the bathroom or we can, you know, you give them options or you know, okay, we can do this in five minutes, or we can do this in three minutes or one minute.
Like, you know, you give them options. So the ultimate goal is still reached like we’re. Still getting ready for bed. We’re still doing this, we’re still doing what we need to do, but we’re allowing our kids to make choices, oppor opportunities to make choices, which then can make them feel [00:43:00] empowered
Chris Gazdik: in the power structure.
There’s a power structure of the parent being the authority. Right. Which is, which is an interesting blend. I’m, I’m not as familiar with the gentle parenting stuff. I go more with love and logic, but it’s a highly structured environment. Like, we’re going to bed, that’s what’s gonna happen. You have this choice and that choice and that choice.
Yeah. Is that, is that
Victoria Pendergrass: fair to, but Yeah. But no, I mean, love and logic is basically another way to say gentle parenting. Really? I mean, things just get
Chris Gazdik: renamed. Yeah. This isn’t
John-Nelson Pope: a tiger mom thing. A A what? A tiger mom. You’ve, you’ve heard of that?
Chris Gazdik: I don’t know what that is. I’m kidding. I think I have, it’s basically you
John-Nelson Pope: impose your will on your kiddo.
Oh.
Chris Gazdik: And
Victoria Pendergrass: Like, I’m gonna take you to bed kicking or screaming up to you. Like that kind of thing. Honestly, we fall
Chris Gazdik: into those traps. I’m guilty many times over. Not proud of it of Right. Of just, you know, going at it and, and it’s, it getting into power struggles is enemy number one in that domain? Mm-hmm.
But you know, the military, your marriage, [00:44:00] employment, parenting, like, you see all of these areas and how we interact together, right? Like, and choices is, we said that a little bit ago, you know, a, a, a big part of that. There are other ways to indicate, you know, how do you feel empowered, or how do or do you not like what is it really like, do you believe you have the power to change your own circumstances as a concept?
Do you believe you can contribute to something with value? Do you believe that you make a difference with the people and the issues around you?
John-Nelson Pope: That that’s just the opposite of hopeless and helpless? Yeah. Oh yeah.
Chris Gazdik: Yeah, I think so. Go ahead.
John-Nelson Pope: So, no, where I’m going with this is the idea that when we do therapy, for example, we want to empower our clients to be able to say, I do have choices.
I do have the ability to choose my own way. There might be some barriers, but you would be able to continue on with that. Encourage. and so, well, there’s
Chris Gazdik: barriers, but as the sergeant said, get it done. Yeah. [00:45:00] Get it
John-Nelson Pope: done. Yeah. One way or another. That’s right. And interestingly enough to, to me, is that you would have somebody that is like a 19 year old or a 20 year old.
I had one of my clients as a Marine, and he said, you know, I was actually running an airfield in Iraq when I was 19 years old. Oh, wow. And that, yeah, he, he joined when he was 18 and he went through Pendleton and then he went for a little bit of training and then, but he was given over a period of weeks and months, and he, in a year, in this case, a year and a half, he was given more and more responsibility and he was competent and able to do that.
He’s very competent in what he’s doing now, and he’s a young man, 19
Chris Gazdik: years old, 19 and air brief. That’s amazing. Can you imagine that? Yeah. It’s an awesome responsibility. But you know what? I can imagine that. Yeah. Because listen, and here’s another really cool point for you guys listening to this show to think about.[00:46:00]
When you feel helpless and you feel disempowered, the experience that you have is changeable. It is workable. You can begin to make choices for yourself. You can begin to engage the things around you. You can begin to exercise your influence in small ways, building up two big ways where your ability is unimaginable at this moment for you.
Honestly. That’s what I believe. And that defeats, powerlessness and helplessness into things that we struggle with in our therapy offices, with our clients all the time. Right? Does that sound fair? Mm-hmm. sounds great. Sounds fair. So let’s, let’s switch over to how do we do this? How do we really.
Accomplish what I just highlighted can be accomplished. Right. I, I am curious what you guys think about this concept here of perception. Does, does, does empowerment, [00:47:00] you know, the concept that we’ve talked about, does it boil down to your, and oftentimes your perception being a big part of this?
John-Nelson Pope: Yeah. I, I’d think so.
Yeah. Yeah. I think, in other words, if you don’t, if you perceive yourself as unempowered or not having power, you, you don’t know what, what you already have in the fact you’re discounting and you’re probably listening to someone else say that you don’t have power. Mm-hmm. . And so you’re believing that
Chris Gazdik: your older brother says Older brother.
Yeah. , you know, do what I say, do what I do. I’m in control. The informal power. . Yeah. I, I, I know there’s formal power. We talked about that before a little bit ago, in the informal power structures in relationships. When I think about this issue, I feel like there’s a lot of perception being thrown around.
Mm-hmm. . Mm-hmm. . And unfortunately, when you buy [00:48:00] into the perception that is your own internal interpretation of being helpless, you’re gonna stay stuck. And that’s a horrible feeling that you can totally get out of with your perception changing is that not. A true statement. Mm-hmm. .
John-Nelson Pope: Well, that’s R e B t, isn’t it?
And that is you dispute the the irrational belief. Yep. Or thought
Chris Gazdik: R e B T therapy means what? Rational. Rational motive.
Victoria Pendergrass: Behavioral therapy Therapy. . .
Chris Gazdik: Oh, I love it. R E S P C T. Yeah. , you gonna break out in song on that? No. It, it is, it’s R e b t. It’s, it’s, it’s rational therapy. It’s cognitive behavioral reframing.
It’s understanding your perceptions. It’s understanding your empowerment through what you perceive was taken that you can take back. Right. And that’s a wonderful [00:49:00] process to watch people go through, isn’t it? Exactly. So how do we take it back? What are some of the things that we do? Oh, oh, yeah. And, and, and I wanted to kind of make the point that, you know, that we need to manage this really internally.
You know, the question that I would pose after that is, you know, we’ve, I think we’ve already answered it, if it is to do a lot with perception, can people take your power away if you let them, if you let
Victoria Pendergrass: them? That’s where I think the struggle is with people sometimes, right? Is they gain empowerment, but then something happens, whatever it may be,
John-Nelson Pope: or they have it, and I’m, I’m looking at dv, domestic violence, right?
In those situations, well, let’s say the person. Gets training actually begins to, to work through that process. And she feels, or he feels a little [00:50:00] more empowered at the time. But the victim, you mean? Right. The victim. The victim. And
Chris Gazdik: then actually, I like to say the object
John-Nelson Pope: person who’s Yeah. The object.
Yeah. But anyway, so, but you get back into that situation and then the old habits come back. Right. Or the informal power comes back because it’s, it’s kind of rooted in your brain. You’ve gotta, you’ve got to retrain the brain.
Chris Gazdik: Absolutely. Well, I mean,
Victoria Pendergrass: that’s what’s called the cycle of abuse is because it,
John-Nelson Pope: yeah.
And so how do you, and you, you get off that track,
Chris Gazdik: how do you change? Interesting thing happens with prejudice and racism. , you know, groups of people make strides and feel more assertive and then fall back into older patterns. There’s a lot of perception in this.
John-Nelson Pope: Mark Twain and huckleberry Finn.
Mm-hmm. , and when huckleberry Finn and Jim, who’s the [00:51:00] runaway slave Yeah. Is in the river. They’re so wise. He’s so wise. Huckleberry Finn is, he’s come so far, but as soon as they go onto the, to the, to the land, he goes back into the old ways. Oh, wow. And where Yeah. Right. And, and betrays Jim. and
Chris Gazdik: It’s a classic.
Yeah, it is a classic. It’s a classic. Now that is not to say, by the way, this is a little bit of a trick question. Can people take your empowerment away? The answer in my mind actually is yes. Right. And that now there’s a lot of perception involved when it, but that gets to formal power. Right. When, you know, when, when your civil liberties are taken away, right?
Like you were, like happened to you, right? Yes. In a way it took my empowerment away for a moment because somebody had control over the door and I did not have control. And, and can you tolerate that as another factor, by the way? When you lose [00:52:00] control over something, can you handle that? Boy, a lot of people struggle with that one in our own mindsets.
So there is formal power and, and that does change, but particularly informal or in with informal power? Boy, we, we almost give it away sometimes. Mm-hmm. , I, I would, I would suppose and suggest to you, so the power of Positive Thinking is a book that I. to point out. Do, do you ever you chuckle? Did you
Victoria Pendergrass: ever hear of that?
Yeah, I’ve, I mean, I’ve never read it, but I’ve heard that title Oh, so many times. Oh, a lot of
John-Nelson Pope: people they, they’ve made decisions about that book without really having read it. Really? Yeah. But I, I I, I think there’s something to it. Oh, I loved it.
Chris Gazdik: Yeah. Dude, this was a pivotal little book for me when I was a kid and I read it and it, it just, it opened up a whole new world for me that I hadn’t really previous to that considered a lot about.
And that is, again, about internal empowerment and the power that you have [00:53:00] when you really begin to rationally emotively behaviorally change. Right. Or cognitively reframe. Or if you begin saying, I can incidentally, you know, one of the coolest little children’s books that I loved the most, what? I think I can, I think, think I can.
Huh?
John-Nelson Pope: Think
Chris Gazdik: I can. Oh, I loved that story even as a little child. And I think that’s because I was kind of, you know, grooving into this idea of little engine that could, I’m empowered, I can do this. It was a, it was a, it was a bright feeling for me when I was a little tyke. Still really is actually. So yeah, there’s, there’s, there’s a lot too.
You know, what are we doing with our thinking? Are we internally criticizing? Are we internally bashing? Are we internally helplessly, stucking ourselves in a spot? You know, stucking? Is that a word? Anyway, you, you follow me. Right, right. We can change that. And the power of [00:54:00] positive thinking was something that kind of came to my mind.
I’ll tell you, I do another thing in therapy. I’m curious if you guys have any activities that you do that facilitate, like what kind of, what are you doing? What, what’s your plan? What is your activity? How can you be empowered? I still like a one five and 10 year plan. Oh, I do too. Do
John-Nelson Pope: you? Yeah,
Chris Gazdik: I do. Very much.
You know, there’s so many thought leaders out there that poo poo this John, and they say, oh no, that’s too much. People don’t think that way, no more. You know, I did you chuckle Neil? Oh, he didn’t chuckle. I thought he chuckled cuz he loves this kind of stuff in insofar as you know. Self-help. Well, you know,
John-Nelson Pope: a lot.
I guess I end up counseling a lot of midlife men and women, but a lot of them have said, well, I’ve accomplished this. I where to go? I don’t know what to do. And I said, well, Do you have it? Let’s get a plan. Absolutely. I love it when a plan comes together. Ah, the
Chris Gazdik: 18, 18 , you know, the thing is, is [00:55:00] one three and five year plan that people think, because it’s much short term, and people can grasp onto that, listen, I have done this many times in therapy.
You take a piece of paper out. Yes. Pen and paper, and that’s purposeful because you’re tactfully involved in your process. The whole first page is your one year plan between now and one year. Mm-hmm. , what do I wanna accomplish? You turn the page over two thirds of the page, or three quarters is your five year plan.
All of the things listed out tactfully with a pencil or pen that I want to accomplish between now and five years. And the last quarter or third of that second page is your fi your tenure plan. Basically
John-Nelson Pope: what you’re doing is you’re inscribing it into your brain by having the the tactile aspect of it.
Yes. Is that you’re actually. Putting it into the brain itself. It’s inputting, there’s neurology in neurology involved with that. Yes. The plasticity. Yes. Going, going there. So I think I’m a very big believer in that.
Chris Gazdik: Yeah. I [00:56:00] love this activity and, and people have enjoyed it when they really begin, you know, taking control, knowing I have choices.
Right. What’s that, Victoria? I’ve never
Victoria Pendergrass: used it. Okay. We do more. I do. But then again, I mean, I think kind of what John mentioned is with, as far as your clientele, a majority of my clientele is under the age of 40 . And so, and that’s, I mean, children. Well, I do see a lot of kids, but I see a lot of adults too, and so, I mean, I just don’t, at least in my time, I have not come across where I believe that that would is an effective thing to use.
Like I just haven’t felt the need
Chris Gazdik: to use it. Do you use anything else as my question to you guys? But I would, I would push back a little bit, Victoria and say, I actually started in my career primarily only doing this with teens, to be honest with you. But do you know?
Victoria Pendergrass: Yeah, I mean, it’s not that we don’t talk about future stuff, it’s just I’ve never sat down either [00:57:00] brainstormed or what, I mean, we’ve talked about, okay, well what’s something that you want to achieve in your lifetime?
But I mean, not necessarily specifically. a one five and 10 year plan. Yeah,
John-Nelson Pope: I, I guess it was kind of inculcated in, in me at a, at a young age because I’m from a religious background. I’m not saying that you aren’t, but mm-hmm. , the, the, the sense was, is that vocation was always a big thing. It’s calling that is, and you see that in the Judeo-Christian heritage, and that is where, where are you supposed to be in the big plan?
Where do you have a, what, how do you give back? To, to, to life. What’s your journey? What’s your journey? It’s all about the journey, right?
Chris Gazdik: And if you know your journey a little bit with your intention, at least it can change. But isn’t that a little bit grounding? Doesn’t that give you a little bit of certainty?
No. You know, with what your goals are and how, I mean, it’s a, it’s a [00:58:00] part of all kinds of success manuals. I don’t think any thought leader out there would propose not to have a plan as a part of your business or your life really. You know? So, yeah, I use that. I use this a lot. But let’s, let’s push a little bit onto, and that’s
John-Nelson Pope: a good musical group
Chris Gazdik: journey.
yes. Mr. Culture. It is goals we are talking about. Need to be reasonable goals. You know, you don’t wanna make a goal like some naive teenagers might be of like, you know, I’m gonna make a million dollars by the time I’m 25. You know, it’s like, we want to have a level of measurable and reasonable what you’re saying that’s not reasonable.
That is probably not reasonable. Yes. You mean
John-Nelson Pope: San, what was his name? Frid or the Oh yeah, the FTX or whatever it’s
Chris Gazdik: called, or, yeah. The, the guy who’s the crypto news. Crypto With crypto. Yeah. Well, yeah, he’s pretty young. He’s, but he even, he’s a little bit older than 25, isn’t he? Yes. Yeah, he’s about 30, 31.
Yeah, I was gonna say, so reasonable goals are [00:59:00] important having Dev develop a positive self image. You know, this is, this is a, a huge part of, you know, how do I become empowered? I’m gonna speed it up a little bit. I like the, the concept that I’ve heard many times over. You are the cumulation of the five closest relationships you have.
That’s very empowering when you’re around empowering people and purposefully put yourself around those people, right? That’s a choice that you can make.
Victoria Pendergrass: Mm-hmm. , which is why we talk about paying attention to the people you spend your time with.
Chris Gazdik: Yes. Those choices are huge. Are you
Victoria Pendergrass: coming away from hanging out with your friends emotionally drained, or are you coming.
Away from your friends, feeling empowered about the future and about things up coming. So
John-Nelson Pope: if you uplift, if you feel like you’ve been emptied of your bro, of your blood, your life source. Yeah. You know that
Victoria Pendergrass: person’s who you might wanna reevaluate. Yeah. That why you continue to hang out with that person, , you know,
John-Nelson Pope: a [01:00:00] negative
Chris Gazdik: person.
Yeah. Another concept is self-care. The cornerstone of mental health is what I call it. It jumps up here again, right? Yes. Yeah. This is a concept that you hear us repeating all the time on the show because it is so important and it’s an important part of feeling empowered, taking care of yourself. Rest, you know, if you don’t have time out to check out from the stress that you have, how are you ever supposed to feel in control of your own life?
And empowered you’re, you’re just drained all the time and a lot of people live that way. You
John-Nelson Pope: know, that’s one of the things that, that. I, I give is the will of wellness. I don’t know if you’re familiar with that, but James, you think I am. But that’s a big counseling thing cuz we, we started out in terms of
Chris Gazdik: career, the well of wellness.
Yeah. The will wheel. The wheel of wellness. Oh, oh yeah, yeah. Wheel okay. Absolutely. Go. I’m familiar with it.
John-Nelson Pope: Go ahead. But you heard me with my little southern
Chris Gazdik: mountain accent. The wheel. The, well the wheel. Go ahead. What’s the wheel of [01:01:00] wellness? Well,
John-Nelson Pope: no, the wheel. The wheel of how much good a woodchuck chuck.
If a woodchuck, woodchuck would the wheel of wellness, it takes in all the areas in terms of spiritual emotional, intellectual relationships, that sort of thing. And basically said, are you balanced? Live a healthy, well-balanced life emotionally and
Chris Gazdik: mentally. Yeah. My wheel goes,
John-Nelson Pope: that sounded like my car when it blew
Chris Gazdik: up
Yeah. And, and just to go a little further on that, the activity with this is in a lot of manuals and books people refer to, this is pretty cool stuff. You take each one of those domains of your life, take your marriage and you’re rate it on a scale of one to 10. Exactly. And then you take your finances and you’re rate it on a scale of one to 10.
And a 10 is the furthest outline. And the idea is you get this circle and you hopefully you have like, you know, eights, nines, and tens integrated life. Yeah. An integrated life. Yeah. But [01:02:00] if you’re rating some of them as a three or a four, and then your, your wheels start starts, you know, having these large caps and it could get pretty choppy.
Right. So that’s the, that’s the activity that, that goes with that. So yeah, let’s, let’s begin taxing in here for a landing. You know, we’re not gonna get. Have time to get to the last segment I had planned and thought about, which is, you know, do we really apply these things to our lives? And I think the answer is, we’ve talked about that throughout, you know?
Yeah. I think you have to rehearse
John-Nelson Pope: it too, because there’s expects stumbles and relapses, but the thing is it, like they say in aa, it works if
Chris Gazdik: you work it. It’s a great phrase. Yeah. Right.
John-Nelson Pope: Just keep working it. Yeah. Because eventually it took me 15 years to get everything together to go back and get my doctorate.
Wow. Yeah.
Chris Gazdik: Yeah. I didn’t know that. Right? Yeah, yeah. No, I, I love your point, John, and it’s, it’s really probably one that’s at propo to, to, to end on that, [01:03:00] you know, you hear ourselves talk on the show about giving yourself some.grace giving yourself some easy, like, you know, realize this is not gonna be a perfect ride.
The wheel’s gonna be choppy. You kind of make some headway and then you feel some pull back into old behaviors. But it’s a journey, it’s a growth area and the more that you manage this, the better and better you feel and you feel success building upon success to really feeling fully fulfilled and empowered.
It’s, it’s a wonderful journey to watch people go on through our therapy experience. Right.
John-Nelson Pope: Yeah. That’s very much, I don’t, I see the
Chris Gazdik: plane coming down.
Victoria Pendergrass: No, I love when it, when I can. When you can see a client become empowered and like you can see the progress of that. I love that. I do too.
Chris Gazdik: Yeah. It’s a gift in our, in our work with, with people for sure.
It’s very
Victoria Pendergrass: humbling sometimes very, you
Chris Gazdik: know, it’s, it’s an honor to do what we do. Yeah. It is an absolute honor to do what we do. So listen, we’ve [01:04:00] given you hopefully some ideas to kind of take into your life to implement and move forward in your life, feeling empowered, control confident, and really generally good about yourself.
So take some of these ideas, implement them, give us a, give us a note, drop us a note and let us know how you’ve been able to be successful with that. Contact it through a, the Paz. It’s, it’d be, it’d be fun to hear about that. Take care, remain well, and we will see you again guys next week. Take
John-Nelson Pope: care y’all.
Chris Gazdik: Bye.
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